The Competitor
by firstlove22
Summary: Part two of The Contestant; As if he's crawling into the depths of danger, this rockstar just never catches a break for him and his family. For a year the family has been on the search for the famous Grey Brother but sadly nothing has came up. No calls, no photos, nothing. But do you think that stops them?
1. Chapter 1

**Christian**

Across from me is a redheaded broad in a green laced thong and bra. I roll my eyes when she shoves her breast a little too far in my face.

"Sweetheart, if they were real I'd bet these things be delicious." the guys laugh when she gasps and climbs off my lap, stomping away. Why does this feel so familiar?

The guys I'm staying with decided to bring me to some over the top strip joint. I don't get what's so over over the top about this place. The girl's breast are fake. When they brought me here i just gave them a look that made them go to their own tables. Fucking idiots.

We all haven't been able to stop laughing though. Making bets and putting it in the middle of the table, we ask the women if their breast or ass are actually real. Some are offended and some aren't. That's why we make Jacob do the asking. He has a solid hand print on both sides of his face.

Oh, and right now, I'm winning the challenge. These dumbasses are too busy handing out singles to care.

"Let loose a little man." Zack pats me on the back, handing me another shot.

"Seriously, your ass is becoming more of a dick than usual." Jacob raises an eyebrow. "Do I need to call-" I cut him off.

Zack and Jacob want me to call the guys to just tell them I'm okay. To be honest, I can't remember what we had fought about. All I remember is yelling and screaming. Then someone was crying. I think it was a he. No a she. I honestly can't fucking remember. All I know is that this move to New York was great. I even thought about performing solo and when I mentioned it, the guys thought it was great.

Speaking of those two, I've been living with them for the past year in their penthouse. These idiots keep it a mess but I can't find myself to leave. I guess it's their company. I don't know. But then I realize if I wanted company I could easily go to a bar and find someone for the night or I could go back home to my brothers. I guess you know which one I chose.

I slide out of the booth and set the girl on the table who's trying to stick her tongue down my throat. That's why it's so special. She smiles, and spreads her legs a bit, but I just walk past her. The guys laugh at her expression. She's a cute little thing. Short, with black hair and brown eyes. I can see a scar from the surgery.

I walk to the bar and ask the bartender to pour me a drink. She smiles at me and slides my glass over. I thank her. Why does she look so familiar… I frown and shake my head, taking a sip of my drink. This tastes like water. What the fuck?

"Hey, I think you switched orders."

"Did I?" she asks, wiping down the counter. "Let me fix that for you."

"You do that." I grumble. Fucking annoying.

"Make it a bit stronger babe." I hear a soft voice order.

"Can't I get a damn drink?" I ask annoyed. The bartender looks over at the person next to me with a surprised look.

I look over and all the air leaves my body. A small woman is leaning against the bar. My eyes fall on those round breast of hers that the damn bar gets to enjoy. She's wearing a tank top and I see no scar. They're definitely not fake. She is wearing blue jeans that hug her perfect ass that I want to pull her to me. Her brown chestnut curls fall around her shoulders and those blue eyes are now watching me stare at her with a knowing smirk on her face. Shit.

"Kate get out from behind the damn bar." she says.

"You got it Steele." Steele… No wonder I know these girls. I watch Kate jump over the bar and walk over.

"I remember seeing you girls when my brother's and I sang together." I wave another bartender over. I throw a shot back causing Steele's eyes to widen. "What, can't hold your liquor?"

That sexy mouth of hers falls open, and I watch her look at her band mate. The Kate girl is looking at me as if I have two heads. What the fuck did I do? Do I have something on my face? I watch Steele shake her head and wave for the bartender. There, now that's more like it.

"Line this shit up." Steele groans, laying her head on the bar. "You know what. Get those fake ass tits waiting for me as well." she grabs Kate's hands. "Girl's! I need a dance!" all the women in the club look at her.

"Holy shit…" I mutter.

Steele and Kate get dances from different girls. Everyone is watching them, not just because they're women but because Steele is moving each one of the girl's breast around just to find the scar. It's getting a laugh out of everyone.

I hear someone cough from beside me, and when I look beside me I'm shocked to see all the guys. Zack and Jacob are standing with them. What is this an intervention for not seeing your family?

I frown when I see Ethan's arms wrapped around one of the guitarists of the girls band. When did that happen? Then my eyes fall on the engagement ring shining off her finger. Damn, he moves quick.

"Why didn't you call us?" Luke asks to break the silence.

"I don't know." i honestly say.

These were the two guys I knew that everyone else didn't know about. They didn't say shit and I have been doing all my stupid shit underground. All of my partying doesn't always have to be for everyone to see, now does it?

"Since when did you start drinking again?" Elliot snatches my glass away from me.

"I never stopped you fucking idiot." I wave the overly flirty bartender back over.

"What about rehab? Was that speech just a fucking lie at mom's funeral?" Elliot growls. "Do you even give a damn about your daughter anymore?"

"Elliot, calm down." Ethan says.

All I can do is laugh and they all look at me in shock. I see Luke and Ethan gripping Elliot by his arms. Then I watch Kate run over and kiss him on the cheek, but Elliot is looking at me with a murderous look in his eye. I don't know why. He's the one saying fucking sick and twisted bullshit right now. I look down at Steele, who seems to be texting someone. The thought aggravates me. Lost cause, right?

"What the fuck is your problem?" Elliot shouts. I cross my arms. Jacob and Zack are now holding him. I sigh.

"You're the one spewing bullshit. Not me." I have to go before paparazzi show up here. Because I know they will.

"You're not fucking leaving, and Elliot you will calm the fuck down." Steele says. I feel my cock rub against the zipper of my pants. Loving her feistiness.

"Is that so?" I ask.

"Yes, now shut fuck up." I grin.

"Ana-" Elliot starts, but she stops him.

"He can't remember anything Elliot." she says. "I can't believe I was actually dating a dumbass like him." everyone laughs. I raise my hand, she looks me.

"I'm still here."

"I know." I stick my tongue at her.

"Shit. That is the old Christian." Ethan runs a hand over his face.

"You guys say that like it's a bad thing." I say offended.

"It is." Elliot mutters. They all laugh again but I'm just confused. What did they mean about Grace?

 **Welcome to Part II of The Contestant! Don't forget to check out the Facebook group where you can post your stories and other things Fifty Shades.**

 _ **A Darker Shade of Fanfic**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Anastasia**

"Christian!" I groan, irritated. "Stop being such a child."

I've had to smack his hand away from my ass several times. He's being so damn annoying right now. I look over at the guy's and they just look away, covering a smile. The girl's on the other hand are getting a kick out of this. So fucking immature.

We're all waiting for the Flynn Brothers to arrive. They should be here shortly. Gracie is staying at the hotel with Gail while Taylor is also being annoyed by Christian's behavior. Taylor wants to slap some sense into Christian, but then I remind the guys that he might not can help it. But if he can… beat his ass.

The guy's had Zack and Jacob put up the rest of the alcohol, which pissed Mr. Handsy off. He was about to storm out until I grabbed him and dragged him to the kitchen.

I'm leaning against the counter looking out at the tall buildings, and feel someone nudge me. I look over and see Kate smirking. She points to the bar. I see Christian laying his head on his arms, so I think he's asleep. I put my fingers on my lips and walk over to the fridge. She rolls her eyes.

"And you say he's immature." she whispers.

I shrug, and pull out the eggs. Pulling one out, I put it back. Kate's eyes widen when she realizes what I'm doing and she runs out of the kitchen. Smart girl, because this is going to be on messy and pissy Grey.

I crack the egg on the counter and let it go on his head, rubbing it in. His body tenses, and when he goes to grab for me I dart to the living room.

Kate is already waiting with a rag in her hand. I notice that Justin and John are sitting on the couch by Zack as well.

"Um, having fun?" Mia asks masking a grin. I blow a piece of hair out of my face.

"No, that fucker deserved it for constantly messing with my ass."

"Wow, and you didn't like it?" Kate asks jokingly. I frown.

"Sadly, no." I look at the brothers. "Is there anything we can do for him after this long? It's been a year."

"First we have to find out what's causing the memory loss, but only if he'll let us." Justin explains. "So how much has he forgotten?"

"He doesn't remember mom dying or rehab, so he definitely doesn't remember anything about his daughter or the accident." Elliot says.

"With him being in a child like state of mind right now, we need to take things slow." but then John stops and looks at Justin. "I don't know how slow because if his memory is this bad we can't hold off telling him."

"Oh he's definitely childlike." I huff out.

"You got that right." Ethan mutters.

"We need to go ahead and tell him. I can't risk losing him too." Elliot chews on his thumb as Kate squeezes his knee. He gives her a weak smile. "I know it will be rough, but we need to do it."

"Tomorrow. It's too late right now for this. We don't want him going to bed with this shit on his mind." Ethan says.

My mind drifts back to his last nightmare and how four men from our security had to hold Christian down just so he wouldn't throw himself out the window. The thought makes me sick. I think Taylor can see the look on my face.

"We'll watch him. Everyone go and get some rest." he says.

Right as I go to turn around, I feel a hand grab my ass. Christian… But my eyes fall on Mia who covers her mouth to hide a giggle, then on Kate who is holding out a rag. Why do I need that? But then I feel it. The yolk starts sliding down my scalp all in my hair. I can feel in running against my cheek. Oh that bastard!

I can't hear the guys laughing because I'm to horrified right now. It's going to take forever to get this shit out! But then I feel his warm breath on my ear.

"I win." he says, then walks away. Ugh! It's like we're at the goddamn beginning all over again. I glare at him, but all he's doing is grinning.

"Oh wipe that cheesy smile off your face." I snap.

"Um… " he frowns for a second, then grins again, except it's even bigger. I groan. "Yeah, no can do."

"You're unbelievable." he sticks out his bottom lip and I can't help but smile. "Can one of you control him?" I ask the guys.

They are watching us the whole time, especially John and Elliot. Kate has gotten popcorn and is now enjoying the show as well with Mia. I glare at them.

"You were the one fucking him." Luke shrugs, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

"We never fucked." Christian says confused. Then looks at me. "Have we?" I giggle at the worried look on his face.

His face softens.

"Yes bro." Elliot says. "You've two fucked like rabbits." he looks at John who is laughing into his hand. "I'm sorry, I had to say something about that."

"I would have remembered fucking Steele." Christian says, but then he looks over at me. "How about you refresh my memory." he flutters his eyelashes then pinches my ass causing me to squeak.

"You are such an ass!" I snap, rubbing my behind.

"Well, I am an ass man." he says smacking my bottom, then walking over to the couch throwing himself on it.

I just stand there, looking away from everyone. My face is probably as red as a tomato. I'm going to kill this man. I hear snickering behind me and all the guys are looking at the ceiling with their lips pursed, while Kate is giving me a thumbs up. Mia mouths 'Damn' my way. I just flip her off. The guys can't even look at me without a smile forming on their faces.

"Fuck off." Christian leans his elbows on his knees.

"Don't forget to include me sweetie." I groan.

"Why did you have to mention anything tonight?" I say annoyed.

"It kind of came out. We're all enjoying it though." Luke says.

"Well the enjoyment is over." I say getting up. "I need to get going." they all whine.

"But this was just getting good." Mia says. I hear Christian laugh.

"Sorry, but I think Gail is probably sick of Gracie." I see Christian frown. I wish he remembered.

"Fine." Kate says, getting up. "I'm coming back with you."

"Same here. We can let Christian fondle the guys instead of you."

"I do not fondle." he says dramatically. "Yeah, but only Steele."

"Asshole." I say stepping in the elevator. "I'm getting you back for the whole egg thing." I glare.

"Did someone just start a game that they couldn't win?" he asks as the doors to the elevators close.

 **Okay guys, it won't be understood in the beginning because that's the point. Oh, and guys? There's not going to be that fucked up dream plot twist like in the first story. I wish this whole story was already done so that you could get a better understanding because I hate confusion as well. Hopefully you will all like, and my other story,** _ **In The Eyes Of A Killer,**_ **will be updated soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Christian**

After the girls left I went to go take a shower. Steele rubbed that shit deep in my hair that it's like my own personal conditioner. Then the look on her face when she realized what I had done. Fucking priceless. But if looks could kill, I'd be in my grave right now.

There is no damn way that I had fucked that woman and not remembered. I've fucked plenty of women, but at least woken up beside them to acknowledge that they existed. I would have remembered her though. Steele isn't someone you can forget and I can remember the first time I saw that delectable ass of hers even though me and my brothers were against- wait… aren't these girls our rivals?

I hop out of the shower and quickly dry off. I need to talk to Elliot about all of this. Damn. How do you go from being rivals for years to being engaged to one? Fucking crazy. I walk out of the bathroom and pull open one of the drawers, grabbing a pair of sweatpants. I yank them on and go find Elliot.

When I walk out of my room I walk into that guy, whose name I think is John. This guy has been watching me the whole night and visually watching what I do, but he hasn't asked me the certain questions to make me guess my theory. I'm guessing he's a psychiatrist but he hasn't hit close to that point yet.

The only reason I know about this is when I worked with mom and when the children in the cancer ward needed mental help. I watched the woman focus in on them as they talked about the pain of the disease and if it would stop. The doctor would calmly explain to them the situation, but in a caring way. The children were dying patients, or patients going through trauma that they could not deal with. The hospital even helped their parents and let me help talk along with them and give them a shoulder to cry on.

I lean against the wall, the same way John is, and watch him. He has a relaxed stance to him, I can tell that he doesn't have an ego. But he's guarding himself from me right now. That smile of his is now gone. Then his eyes fall on my chest.

"May I ask where you got the scar?" I shrug.

"I think in a bar fight." his eyebrows raise. "I honestly can't remember. I might have been drunk."

"Can you remember anything of what happened?" I narrow my eyes.

"What's it to you?" he just gives me a small smile.

"I'm just curious. Not a celebrity. I only see this shit in papers." that causes me to chuckle.

"Man, I really can't-" but then the smell of lead feels my nostrils. I grab the wall to hold myself steady.

"Christian?" he asks, his hand grips my arm before I fall.

I ignore him as a wave of nausea passes through me. I quickly run to the bathroom, and empty out my stomach into the toilet. I grab hold of the sink, but my legs finally give out on me. Maybe I'll just rest here for awhile until I'm able to get up. I lay my head on the cool tile floor and close my eyes.

When I open my eyes I hear the toilet being flushed and feel my body being lifted off the ground. I look up and see that it's Taylor. My heads laying against his shoulder as he carries me to my bed and covers me up.

"You should be with Gail and Sophie." I say horsley. He gives me a small smile.

"They are perfectly safe right now. You on the other hand need me and your brothers with you." he says quietly. After what just happened, I don't doubt that. I haven't even been drinking much.

"I'm sorry Taylor." I whisper.

"For what." he asks, confused.

"Always being an asshole to you."

"You were never an asshole to me sir. Especially now. You're an amazing man." he whispers. I frown.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

But before he begins to talk I feel a sharp pain go through my head causing my to bite the edge of my pillow. My vision begins to blur and nausea returns.

"Taylor." I choke, as tears fall down my cheeks. "I know it's late and all-" I try to make a joke out of it not to worry him too much but I grab my head, pushing it further into the pillow.

"Ambulance is already on its way. I swear, that place is like your knew home Grey." Taylor sighs, picking me up again. It only makes things worse and I start sobbing. "It's okay Sir. They'll be here soon."

He takes me to the living room and lays me on the couch, turning off all the lights. I hear him disappear, most likely to get the guys and that's when I hear multiple footsteps running into the living room. I guess Taylor told them to keep the lights off. It's not doing shit though.

"Let's hurry and get some clothes on before they get here. Taylor?" Elliots voice rings out causing the pain to increase. No noise comes but I know Taylor agreed. God that man is fucking amazing.

I hear footsteps walking away and I know Taylor is leaving. Are the paramedics here? But when the silent footsteps come back I know there not.

"Okay, this is going to hurt putting on for a minute but it will help during the whole thing. Okay?" he whispers.

"Okay." I choke.

"I'm putting in earplugs and a face mask on you." he says quietly.

I sob harder as pain hits the side of my temple when he pushes in the earplugs. When he lifts my head I grit my teeth because it feels like a knife is being cut into my scalp. But now the noise and light is blocked out. I may not be able to see anything but that doesn't mean that those paramedics aren't gentle. I know how those guys are.

Every time I've been with them they're rough and just tossing me on the damn gurney. I'm not even talking about now, it was when me and the guys were pulling more stunts. Let's just say a few got out of hand.

Instead of feeling two people pick me up by my sides, I feel one person. Taylor. Why the hell is he doing this for me. I get that I was his boss but he doesn't have to do this.

I can't hold my head up, so I lean against his chest. Damn, this guy is no pillow. Maybe Gail has to fluff him at night. I think we're in the elevator because I get a sinking feeling in my stomach as soon as we begin to descend downward. As soon as I think I'm going to be sick again I quickly take the mask off and push whoever was in my from the corner. But nothing comes up. I only dry heave for the next two minutes causing the pressure on my head to get worse.

Taylor picks me back up and I see that the elevator doors are open. I can see the flashing lights of the ambulance in the distance causing me to groan and Taylor carefully covers my eyes. A hangover has nothing on this shit.

I can feel myself being placed and strapped onto the gurney, but this time it's not as bad as it was when I was a teenager. I guess when you have a man taking care of you that makes things count on every level. The ambulance shakes again causing my brain to go in every different direction. I grip and pull on the strap closest to my hand. The ambulance starts to shake again and I grit my teeth. I choke back tears again.

I feel the vehicle finally start to move. This doesn't help me relax though. When I was with mom I can remember cases where they couldn't find what was wrong with the child. They may couldn't have figured it out, but that child passed away a few weeks later. It's like the fuckers didn't even care. That's why mom doesn't like the doctor who worked that child's case.

I feel a hand pull one of the earplugs out.

"It's Justin, Christian." he says quietly. "I'm sorry you're having to suffer through this."

"I'm going to have to put an I.v in his arm." I hear the paramedic murmur. I feel him wrap that rubber band around my arm.

"Next time tell your brother not to psychoanalyze me." I try to get out, but it comes off broken. Fuck, tonight really isn't my night. "I didn't expect you two to be doctors." I start to feel tired as I talk. Shit, am I dying?

"How'd you know he was a psychiatrist?" he asks. "Don't worry Christian, I asked the paramedic do give you something for the pain. I didn't want you going into a seizure or cardiac arrest."

"Your brother's body language says it all. He doesn't have an ego, but visually watched me interacting with everyone." I shrugged. "I learned all I needed when I worked with other psychiatrist when I volunteered with my mom."

"That's very interesting." I can hear the interest in his voice. He sounds just like his brother. "How was it? Being close and pulling yourself away from the stage? What's it feel like being a doctor and psychiatrist?" he asks. I know he's pushed the paramedic aside so that he is able to look me over himself.

"Justin, you sound like your brother." I murmur. "I pulled myself away from that stage to get away from the screaming fans and the chaos of it all just for a few weeks. That's why I volunteered. It was fine at first." I whisper, then stop. "What kind of doctor are you?"

"I'm a Cardiologist. Why?" he asks.

"Never work with kids. Because if one dies and that child is your patient you'll blame yourself even if there was nothing you could do. There's always a difference between an adult and a child because one had more life they had to live. The other didn't." I stop. "I watched several children die and then I watched others being resuscitated. The looks on their parents faces when the doctors told them was awful. I stayed though." I frown.

"I watched those psychiatrist walk into those kids rooms and explain things to them. Explain death." my mind drifts to Sara. "To answer your question Justin, it felt like I was watching death as he stood over all those children as they read their simple fairy tales not knowing what the next day would bring them." just go to fucking sleep Grey and stop thinking. "It was terrible watching and being one of you." I say quietly.

No words are spoken for the rest of the ride. I feel my eyelids finally fall shut and darkness takes me.

 **They're about to find out the verdict…**

 **Oh and Gracie is only a year a six months now, I have no idea where you pulled three years from. Oh and don't worry, this story is my main focus.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, I'm giving a shout out to one of my readers. Her name is Cindra and she put a Fantabulous review that I thought was amazing. It talked about chapter three and Christian's tumor, but let's skip that. Yes, I know. But many want to know if the bastard is cheating! She mentioned how he most likely cheated and will have to get tested for STDs. The way Cindra was so very polite and the way she worded this was so very kind of her.**

 **Now on to the next topic: he cheated? *Dramatically falls down stairs to forget that she had sex with Christian Grey* I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about.**

 **Ana knew what was happening as soon as Christian walked out that door. She has fucked other men as well. Oh! Did I say that?! This bitch actually had her thoughts too! And on the whole STDs thing. The two haven't been able to describe their whole sex life since it's just the BEGINNING of the story. You're welcome!**

 **Anastasia**

Gracie is crying the whole way to the hospital. When I tried to leave her with Gail it just got worse. I don't know what's wrong with her, but I think her new medication is bothering her. We were finally able to take the mask off of her but I think she was so used to it that she's becoming irritated.

At the beginning, we didn't think Gracie was going to make it. The doctor had told me that she did not have the functioning organs to help her live throughout life. But Christian, Grace's father, called in a favor and had a specialist come in and take a look at her. It had turned out that her doctor was, let me find Dr. Brookter words, an idiot.

The only thing that is wrong with Gracie is that she has bronchopulmonary dysplasia. Dr. Brookter said it was common considering how premature she was, but we always have to keep up with each one of her doctors appointments. At times she has had a buildup of fluid in her lungs where she had to stay overnight, but that was just something that was common to us now.

Since her birth, she has been getting her lungs x rayed at each appointment. The mask is now gone, and they said when she turns two that hopefully things will most likely improve more than they already have. But we can't always know for sure. Things always change, and Gracie has been doing better than kids in most cases.

As I'm watching Gracie, though, she's missing her mask. She was so used to the oxygen running against her face as she slept and the noise it made. Baby girl has to understand that things change for the better.

I pull Gracie out of her car seat until she moves away from me, trying to get away. Shit, we're going to have one of these days are we? I need to get in there and see what's going on.

I lean my head against the door. "I hate games baby. I'm not daddy." she sticks her tongue out and blows bubbles. "But it seems like someone else is. Can we go?" she keeps blowing bubbles with a raised eyebrow. This child was hard to live with when all I saw was Christian. So beautiful.

I unbuckle her, and pick her up out of her seat, grabbing our usual bag behind her. Luke appears out of freaking nowhere, causing me to jump, and he shuts our door for us. He squats on the ground and holds his arms out with his lips puckered.

"I want a kiss from my favorite girl." I put Gracie down and watch her stumble a bit to Luke. She started walking several weeks after her first birthday. I guess the pushing the guys did on her really helped.

"Yeah, remind me to tell Hannah that." he picks her up, and I watch her grab his nose and pull it side to side. "Oh, Mia taught her that." he glares at me.

"Where are the girls at anyways?" he asks as we begin making our way through the front door, pretending to bite at her hand. "I figured they'd be with you."

"I think they got caught in traffic. I took off as soon as I heard." I say. "How is he?"

I watch Luke scratch the back of his head. Then his eyes fall back on Gracie.

"You want to know something, sweetheart?" he asks her, all she does is stare at him. "Your daddy knows how to fuck someone's mind up." he boops her nose. I slap him on the head, getting a giggle out of her. "Why is it she giggles when I get slapped but when it's someone else she gets upset?" he says annoyed.

"I don't know, but watch your language. Oh and what are you talking about?"

"Justin was taking care of Christian as he was on his way over. He hasn't said a word to anyone." Luke looks over at me. "Not even his brother, and he's the one supposed to be getting involved with your head."

"Did they ask the paramedics?"

"They're not speaking either." he says opening the doors to the waiting room. "They said it wasn't their business to tell. Oh and that pissed John off but he understood." I nod.

I walk into the room and see Elliot sitting on one of the tables, holding a coffee in his hand. His hair is stuck all over the place and I watch him let out a big yawn. Ethan is talking on the phone, still wearing his pajama bottoms, and he's most likely talking to Mia. Hopefully they will be here soon. I see that John is sitting in a chair across from Justin making hand motions.

He's leaning forward and looks like he's trying to keep the worried look off his face. Justin is just laying back, emotionless, staring at a cup of water that someone must have brought him.

"There's my niece!" Elliot says loudly, getting Gracie's attention. She smiles and starts bouncing in Luke's arms. He groans in irritation.

"What the hell man?" Luke says. "I just got her." Elliot grabs her.

"Oh well, she wanted the better uncle." he smirks.

"Better my ass." he mutters, then quickly moves before I can hit him. "Ha!" idiot.

I need to see what's going on with Christian and right now it seems that the person that's holding that information is the one being quiet. No one seems in low spirits right now, so it doesn't seem to be things are taking a turn for the worst. Right? Did I just fucking jinx it…

I walk over to the two as John is still trying to get a word out of Justin. Nothing seems to be working and he closes his eyes and sits back himself. He rubs his temples with his fingertips. I guess this is why you don't work with family. Making myself known John looks up, but Justin just keeps his face down. John shakes his head.

"Now is not a good time, Ana." he sighs. I ignore him and sit beside Justin. He rolls his eyes. "I'm going to the bathroom, excuse me." I watch him walk away and wait for Justin to talk, but nothing. Luke was right. What did Christian say to him? But I need to know what's wrong with him first.

"Did you find out what's wrong with Christian?" I ask quietly.

He stays quiet. I don't even bother to ask him again because I know he heard me. And if he didn't, coming over here would be a simple explanation. But all we do is simply sit in the same place and stare at the same spot. I can see absolutely nothing on his face, so I'm unable to read him. His body language shows nothing. This man is hiding behind a wall.

But then I watch him cross his arms and sigh. "We were right." he says quietly. "It was a tumor, and it has grown quite a bit over time." he says, grabbing the cup and taking a drink.

"Is he going to be okay?" I ask quickly.

"This tumor isn't cancerous. They will be able to get it out after a few surgeries." he puts the cup down. "The tumor was pushing up against his temporal and frontal lobe, they had to go ahead and take him back."

"Wait, are you saying he's back in surgery?" he nods. "Already?"

"His blood pressure was skyrocketing and nobody knew why until they did the scan." he says. "I told them to quickly give him something until they could get him into surgery."

"When they saw how big it was they were surprised he even knew who his brother was. So now you can understand why he's behaving the way he is, and doesn't remember anything. The temporal lobe was affecting his memory and behavior. The frontal was taking the burden of locking up his personality, judgement, and even his emotions."

"How long is he going to be in there?" what if they can't control his blood pressure?

"Like I said, it was a big tumor." he looks at me but looks over my shoulder. "You might as well go back to the hotel. I will call in case something happens. This will take up to twelve hours." my eyes widen.

"Twelve hours…" he nods.

"You have to be extra careful when operating on the brain, and this is just the first surgery." oh my God…

"What happened tonight that even brought you guys here?" I ask.

"Christian started experiencing nausea and then I was told he vomited until he had to be carried by Taylor to bed. Then we had to keep all the lights off and keep sound to a minimum due to the excruciating pain in his head. Any light or noise expressed was like sending a bat through his skull. It was hard seeing that man cry in Taylor's arms." I look at him shocked. "We were lucky before he went into shock."

"Do you think this will help him?"

"Hopefully, but he's been through a big surgery already. I'm not saying that it will be okay." he mutters.

"I know you're not. We just have to hope." I whisper. "Like I'm hoping he will come back to us."

"Trust me, Ana." I look over at Justin. "He's still there."

I frown. He gets up, ignoring the questionable look on my face, and throws his cup away. He passes by John, who looks surprised to see him, then through the back rooms. I hate when people do that. Whatever. I'll figure it out.

I look over and see that the girls are here. Mia is taking a video of Luke and Elliot bowing down as… oh my god. Gracie is hitting them over their heads with her wand. The nurses are laughing and doctors are watching in the hallway. Some are even getting pictures and more videos.

"Oh my God!" Hannah laughs. "This is great."

"Why are you letting my kid beat her uncles?" I ask picking up Gracie. She lays her head on my shoulder.

"They let her." Mia accuses. Elliot rolls his eyes.

"Come on guys. Justin said that Christian won't be out of surgery for another twelve hours." Elliot looks like he's about to faint. "But it's only because of how big the tumor was."

They like it better how Justin had seemed to explain it to me because he had mentioned how it had pressed against his temporal and frontal lobe. They said the doctor didn't give them much information because they needed to get him ready and prepped for surgery because of his blood pressure. The doctor had also told them about the tumor not being cancerous.

He didn't tell them how long though. Now we all have to wait to see if Christian makes it out okay. Memory or not, we just need him alive.

I look around. "Where's Taylor?" I ask.

"He's staying posted at Christian's room." Ethan says. "I just texted him how long the surgery was, and he just sent me a message that should not be said in front of a child." he chuckles. Elliot looks over Ethan's shoulder then laughs loudly.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh, can't say this out loud." Elliot chuckles. Ethan holds the phone in front of me, and it takes me a minute but my mouth drops open as soon as I read the words.

"An I thought Taylor was such a polite man."

"Ha!" Luke shouts, then takes the phone. "This isn't even the worst he's said. Guys vulgar at times. One time I heard him and Gail-" Kate covers Gracie's ears.

"Would you shut up?" I ask, annoyed. He grins.

"I was going to say play checkers Steele." he ruffles my hair. Ugh. "Anyways, let's get home then and let Taylor have fun tonight. Hopefully we'll have some news when we get back."

I grab my bag and let Elliot walk Gracie and me to our car. As soon as he straps her in he tells us that the girls are coming back with them. I told him to just have them all shower before coming back to the hospital.

As soon as we got back to the hotel I put Gracie straight in a bath. I don't know what germs were lurking in that waiting room but I can't have her getting sick again. She's like a magnet for germs, just like Christian is a magnet for disaster.

After I get her cleaned up I give her her nighttime medication and a snack so she won't get sick. When I lay her down she still seems bothered and gets irritated as the minutes go by. I'm finally about to get up and just rock her when I see that her eyes have finally closed and the grip on her blanket had loosened. Oh thank goodness.

I carefully lay in bed beside her travel crib, and look at her. I have my alarm set for every hour and a half to check her breathing. This is the first time on her new medication and I don't know how it will work. So if it involves wearing my ass out, so be it. I am going to be thinking about her other half anyways.


	5. Chapter 5

**Nothing about my earlier authors note was rude. I did not insult any of my readers in no way, I appreciated one of mine to all of you. And if you do not like the disgusting smut I'm writing, I do so apologize. Just confused on how it's disgusting. I get that readers are upset when they don't get what they want when it comes to the story plot, but I see nothing I wrote in my story very degrading.**

 **Yes, I understand I'm not a very good writer but the whole reason I don't edit to perfection is because I need to work on my other essays. I'm in college 102 writing papers on war. Trust me I'd rather be writing for you ladies. Hey, it may not be perfection, but at least it's a chapter!**

 **Oh, and yes the story most likely won't make sense til later on. I knew this from the very beginning. There has been no change, only additional information. So unless you can wait, this really won't be the story for you. I'm going to say that drama is going to be at bay though.**

 **There will be no cheating.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Haven't updated because as some of you who are friends with me on Facebook know, my college campus was hit hard by a tornado. I won't be able to go back to school for a while because many of the structures were destroyed. Including my dorm. I've been just like Christian, and stuck in the hospital so writing hasn't been my main focus at this point.**

 **I guess I can try writing now since I'm out of school for a little while. Right?**

 **Anastasia**

Gracie did so well during the night. She didn't wake up at any point. Well, there was that one point when I started to get worried about her and just wanted to make sure she was okay, but she fell right back asleep as soon as I put her back down.

I tiptoe out of the bedroom, so I don't wake her, and check to see if Gail's up. When I walk into the living room I see that she's ordered room service and already has a cup of coffee ready for me. I gladly take it.

"Don't you girls have a concert next week?" she asks. I nod.

"We might have to cancel. It depends on the day of Christian's surgery or how he's feeling." she looks at me as if I'm an idiot.

"Sweetheart, you realize that he will have his brother and a whole security team looking out for him right?" she says.

"I know, but he might need all of us." I say quietly. She pats me on the shoulder. I look over and see sympathy in her eyes.

"Go to your concert. He also doesn't need us smothering him." she takes a bite out of her toast. "Oh, and look at social media. Luke and Elliot are with Gracie everywhere." she chuckles.

When I pick up my phone the first thing I see is a text from Kate with a link of the video. The video shows the three of them, Luke and Elliot bowing like her servants as she continuously hits them over the head with her wand. In the background Ethan is just trying to block his face from the camera.

I put my phone back down and go hop in the shower before having to get Gracie ready. The surgery should have been over two hours ago, so maybe they will let us see him when we come by. So many questions run through my mind right now as I think of the questions to ask the doctors.

Is he going to be okay? Will he be able to remember us? Can he wake up? Is it bad if his head hurts?

I strip out of my clothes quickly and turn on the water, and don't even bother letting it warm up. My skin raises in goosebumps as the cold water touches my it. I grab the small bottle of shampoo and squeeze some into my hand, then massaging my fingers into my scalp. I'm thinking about this too much. Gail is right about him having everyone watching him.

But what if something like last night happens again. I guess that was a good thing for us at the time, but something always ends up bringing him back down when he's doing good. He looked so great yesterday when we were teasing each other. I was so Damn confused when they told me he was on his way to the hospital. But I knew it was bad by the rush in Elliot's voice last night.

I lay my head against the wall but almost lose my footing slipping on that small piece of hotel soap. I hate those things. Grumbling, I snatch up a towel and climb out. Let's get out of here and get this day started before I end up being the one with my head on a platter by devil soap.

When I walk into our room, I see that baby girl is still asleep so that gives me enough time to throw my clothes on. But as soon as I make my next move I see her start to move, so I walk over and pick her up. I remember the last time she was taking a nap and did that, Elliot just told us to drop everything and freeze. If we didn't move she wouldn't. He was actually right. Well, until Luke laughed after standing with his leg hiked in the air for two minutes.

"How'd you sleep baby?" I ask her. "Do you want something to eat?" nothing. She just stares.

Gracie isn't a very vocal baby. She likes to use her hands and that's another thing I asked the doctor about. He said not to think much into it, that children develop differently at each stage, that Gracie is simply implying what she wants with her hands. Elliot thinks it's awesome, because his mind wonders to his niece being a drummer. I roll my eyes.

I take Gracie into the living room and sit her on her highchair. Her curls fall around her face, so I grab a rubber band and pull it back. I grab her juice from the fridge, then walk over to her bag and pull out the liquid she hates so much. It's on 1.5 milligrams, but to her it's like a bucket of acid.

"Gail, do you mind watching her eat while I throw some clothes on?" I ask, while quickly handing her her juice before she cries. Gail laughs.

"You never have to ask."

 **Christian**

My fucking head is killing me. Where the fuck am I? My eyes scan the room, taking in the white fabrics and sterile floors and freshly clean windows. I see fake flowers casting a shadow by the window. Damn it's bright and cheery today. Not so great when you have a headache. Why am I in a hospital. What the fuck happened?

I try to picture myself getting mugged or something last night, but this ache in my skull isn't doing it for me. Isn't there some relief I can get for this shit? Looking over I see a call button. Thank fuck.

It takes around five minutes before some nurse with a damn low cut top comes walking in. Why the fuck is she wearing shit like that?

Her eyes widen when she sees me. Yeah, didn't expect to see some rockstar who probably looks like total shit right now. Now did you?

To my surprise, and rather annoyance, she sways over to me. "What do you need?" she purrs. Somebody could most likely be dying and she wouldn't know and probably wouldn't care. Fucking disrespectful.

"I need you to find me my doctor, and get my something for this damn headache." I snap as another sharp pain hits. I watch her move her hand to an IV stand. I realize it's hooked up to several monitors running into my wrist and forearm. She presses the gray button in the lower center.

"I will go and get him. Do you need anything else?" she asks. I look at her exposed breast.

"Can you maybe button up three more?" she looks offended. I just shrug. "You're the one looking like a slut in the office babe. Now please get the doctor."

I watch her heels quickly make their way out of the clean room and then I'm alone. Mom would be fucking upset if she saw that girl pushing her exposed breast out towards a random patient. No, she would probably beat that girls ass. She was a sweet and caring woman but she never understood why women did that to themselves. Hell, the guys and I don't understand it either.

I wish this headache would go away. Nothing is really staying in focus right now except for the pain and to be honest those woman's tits are in my mind as well. Can't blame me when I'm in a sterile room full of monitors and the only person you've seen is some slutty nurse.

I grab my pillow and throw it over my face, groaning. Fuck.

I hear the door click and when I move the pillow I see the doctor walk in, Taylor in tow. Taylor is wiping his eyes.

"What?" I ask.

"Did you really call that nurse a slut?"

"Maybe…" I awkwardly hide behind the pillow. Taylor doesn't like it when you put a woman down. Well this was the damn workplace for crying out loud!

"Christian, do you remember anything about last night?" the doctor asks.

"No." I frown, as he shines a light in my eyes. "When I keep trying to remember, the pain increases."

"Headaches are common afterwards." he says, having me pull his fingers. After what? "They only last for an hour or two. Especially with the medication in your system."

"What happened last night?" I ask. The doctor looks at Taylor. "Well? Was I attacked. Did I finally break down and start drinking again." I look at Taylor. "Please don't tell me I caused an accident." he sighs, and walks over to sit in the chair by the bed.

"Okay, he will explain to you about what you had and still have. I'm not telling you anything until your headache goes away. Deal?" I roll my eyes.

"Deal."

The doctor goes on to explain to me about how the tumor had pushed against my frontal and temporal lobe. He explained that they had to keep the pressure equalized and that the reason for my symptoms from the day before is that it was getting deeper. Symptoms?

After almost twelve hours of surgery they were only able to remove barely a quarter of the tumor. I asked him if he could put it in a jar, but that creepy man said he already did. Basically, I scooted onto Taylor's lap to get away from this man.

He says that I'm going to have at least five more surgeries before the tumor is fully removed. Oh goodie. I'm not going to be on stage for a while then. How are the guys going to react to this? Shit, they already know. Keep up Grey.

"Okay, your next surgery will be two weeks from today." he says. "The only reason it's so close is because we can't have it growing any bigger than it already is."

"Okay, but when can I leave?" I ask.

"Is your headache gone?" I frown.

"That's an evil way to play doc." Taylor and him chuckle.

"Do you have anymore questions for me?" he asks.

"Will I be able to remember anything from last night?"

"It all depends on how the surgery went."

"You really know how to bring down a guy's good mood."

"My apologies." he gives me a grin. There we go. This man still gives me the creeps though.

As I watch him walk out, I run my hands all over the bed to check for anything. Taylor watches me and he's looking at me like I'm crazy. I lean in towards his face where I'm only an inch away, then grin. He laughs, pushing me away.

"That fucker has my tumor in a jar. I was just joking Taylor!" I look around. Maybe he is listening in. Oh my god…

"Boy, what the hell is wrong with you?" Taylor asks.

"What if he's like Dr. Jeckal and Mr. Hyde?" that causes Taylor to fall in his seat, with tears in his eyes. I'm fucking serious! "What if he is going to put my tumor in that guy's body right now?"

"Sir, please stop." he keeps laughing. I can't though. I love making a guy who is always trying to serious all the time, laugh. Taylor suddenly stops laughing when he looks up.

I turn around and see the guys. They are with those girls that we've never liked. Ethan has his arm wrapped around the smallest one, and what really throws me for a loop is that she's wearing an engagement ring. Elliot is holding a baby girl as the lead singer, I know as Steele, puts down their bag in front of my bed. Did Elliot have a baby with someone?

My eyes just fall back on Taylor, who shocks the hell out of me by laughing again. Oh my God! Will he get over the damn joke already! Everyone is looking at me for answers, but then back at Taylor.

"Taylor, I was just joking!" I groan.

"How can I? That was such a stupid joke that I couldn't help it." he begins laughing again.

"Hey! It was not stupid." I say. "I'm not the one who looks like the need an oxygen mask because of some da-darn joke." i say, correcting myself.

"It was the look on your face when you did it!"

"Still part of the joke!"

"Guys!" Luke shouts. Taylor and I look at him. "What's the joke?"

"Let's just say it involves a tumor and a jar." I tell them, getting confused looks. Taylor snorts. I glare at him.

"It looks like he's doing better." Elliot says. I watch him walk over to the door and walk out for a bit. Wow, what a great hello. About a minute late he walks back in. "Sorry about that. Had to tell the guys you were doing okay. Justin and John will be up to see him later on." Elliot tells Taylor, who just nods.

"Who's Justin and John?"

"You'll find out later, bro." Elliot says. "Right now, I want to know how you feel after the surgery."

My heart actually clenched at the softness in my brother's voice. He is looking at me as if I'm breakable. Don't worry about me, man, you have nothing to worry about. But then when I look at the girls I'm kind of pissed.

"What are you three doing here?" I ask the three girls, but then shake my head. "I'm sorry for sounding like a complete jerk when I should be congratulating you and my best friend, but I remember despising all three of you. We all did." I look at the guys. The girl gives me a kind smile.

"Erm-" Luke says. I stop him.

"When you say erm?" I ask.

"We all started messing around because you and Ana allowed us to." Elliot says, while bouncing the kid in his arms. I look at Ana as she is looking at the wall with a small smile.

"How?" I ask. "Didn't I tell you guys to not mess around with them?"

"Well, man, you kind of gave us permission to sleep with them. You even said that we weren't enemies anymore." Luke says. "Um, you slept with one as well."

"Are you serious!" I groan. I'm missing so much. I can hear chuckling.

When I look up, Steele is looking at me with a raised eyebrow. My eyes run down her body. Woah, don't get a damn hard cock while a kids in the room.

"Hey, that was rude." she says. "I think you found me great in bed by the way you begged me." I roll my eyes. Okay, I wish this headache would go away. I really want to try and remember some of this shit.

"I don't beg." I say, but then I grab the strap of her tank top pulling her over to me. "But if I did, you were already spread for me weren't you?" I whisper in her ear where no one else can hear.

"Is this bringing any memories back?" she whispers.

"I am really wishing it would just so it would give everyone a reason to leave the room." she laughs, pulling away. "I want to know something though." I say, looking at everyone. "Who's the little girl?"

Everyone stays sort of silent, as I watch the girl try to play with Elliot's lips. She has curly copper hair and gray eyes. Her rosy cheeks show that she's just getting over a cold. She's wearing a jumpsuit that covers most of her body.

I feel like an idiot now for asking the question. The child is here with my brothers and I was sleeping with one of the girls. Also the child could basically be my twin. They don't say nothing though. Okay, so I'm the father. I'm a father to a little girl that I've barely known for more than maybe thirty minutes? Damn.

"What's her name?" I look over at El.

"Grace, but we call her Gracie." Steele says. I feel my chest tighten. I clear my throat, and push back the tears.

"How old is she?" I ask.

"A year and a half, but she's pretty stubborn for her age." Luke snorts, earning a slap from Steele and a giggle from Gracie.

"Sorry Luke, but Steele, do that again." Steele slaps him, getting a giggle out of Gracie.

"It's only him she will giggle around when he's hurt." Ethan says. I chuckle, then hold my arms out for her. Ana hands her over. I sit Gracie in front of me as she plays with my hands.

"Don't worry, daddy was the same back in high school. Watching the girls kick and slap your uncle was more amusing than just mommy doing it." I murmur. "Your grandmother always had to have ice packs ready for him when he would get there for band practice."

"You are over exaggerating." Luke says.

"No he isn't." Ethan and Elliot say at the same time causing the girls to laugh.

Gracie is an adorable child, and such a sweetheart. She doesn't make much noise though, which causes me to look at Steele. Steele gives me a look that says she will explain things later and I just nod.

I move the wires away from my body so Gracie doesn't mess with them, and hand her over my right hand again. She keeps looking up at me then over at the machines that are attached to my arms.

"Don't worry. They're not hurting me." I tell her. She just keeps staring at the wires.

"She is very easy to love isn't she bro?" El asks. I nod.

"Well, I loved her before didn't I?" I ask.

They all look at me sadly, but I ignore them and pull Gracie onto my lap. She's so light and ignores the wires.

I watch Gracie and it seems to be as if she is analyzing everyone's move. This little girl is very focused for a one year old. Her head is laid back against my chest as everyone else tries sparking up a conversation.

Everyone is keeping their mouth shut until I'm out of the hospital. They want me in my own bed before reminding me of anything. Something about the Flynn Brothers being by my side and me not do anything stupid. When I told them I haven't done anything stupid since mom, the room just got quiet. I have a feeling this talk I'm going to be receiving is going to be nauseating.

I still have this damn headache though. The doctor said I was allowed to leave and gave me a prescription for the pain, but to come back if the pain gets unbearable and if I start seeing spots. He wants me to be prepared for my next surgery that's in two weeks. So he gave me the run down of not doing drugs, alcohol the night before if I do.

When I told the doctor I didn't drink or do drugs, but I looked over at Elliot who was frowning.

"What?" I ask.

"Bro, we have a lot to tell you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Christian**

I'm laying flat on my back on the bed in the guest room of Zack and Jacob's penthouse just staring at the ceiling. The fan is keeping me occupied as it turns in slow circles.

I was confused when we were leaving the hospital because it didn't look like Seattle, but when Ethan explained how I basically threw a tantrum and left the state, I was silent. I was fucking humiliated with myself, but Luke told me it was due to the tumor. When he told me that, I stopped mentally apologizing to mom.

They told me that Zack and Jacob were getting sick of my attitude and called the guys to come get me. When the guys had shown up to get me, the other two didn't know that they were looking for me for the past year. What shocks me is that all of them had been looking for me for a year.

Then my mind drifted on how these two guys lived.

These two party like hell and drink until they black out. When I asked Jacob about the situation with the drugs and alcohol, he looked at Zack then back at me. The two didn't know about my situation so Luke told me not to freak out.

Jacob and Zack are well known for their partying in New York so when I asked them what the fuck I had gotten myself into they told me to calm down first. It turns out they had to pull my drunken ass off the street multiple times so that paparazzi wouldn't see me making a fool of myself. They had also caught me buying cocaine, something that the guys and I were brought up despising like the rest of the illegal substances, from another band at an after party.

Zack explained how he couldn't control what was going in or out of me. They couldn't control where I was going either. But the only thing they could do was party along, keeping an eye on me so that my body didn't end up in a dumpster.

I asked them why they just didn't call the guys and they told me they didn't know about the situation, and every time they brought up calling the guys I had gotten pissed. So during this whole fucking shit, I started drinking again and I even did drugs, something I never did before. Not to mention the damn women I slept with.

I can't even remember if I wore protection or not during these encounters so who knows if I have a fucking STD or a had gotten a woman knocked up. Oh the thought is making my mind do a 360. More goddamn kids by women who just want damn money and fame.

After what little those two had told me I just wanted to be alone. My headache hasn't gone away and this information isn't helping it any. They've been gone for an hour and no matter what, this ache won't leave. I know laying here, sulking like a child won't help but I just need this. I need to be away from them all even though it seems like I have already.

I'm so fucking exhausted, but sleep just doesn't want to come my way. Fuck it, I don't need sleep. I went three days without sleep when I was on tour with the guys. Maybe I can try again. Closing my eyes, I ease myself up into a sitting position and throw my legs over the edge off the bed. They feel like jello.

After going to the bathroom, I look around the room. At least I kept this place neat. I have my own bathroom that wasn't messy. Checking out my closet, I still see that I'm organized and not dressing like a douche bag. Okay, so my tidiness was still the same. Thank fuck.

I notice the double doors to the balcony and unlock them.

The thing I've always loved about my penthouse balcony is the sunrise. Usually, when the guys and I aren't on tour, I would sit outside on the balcony just to watch it. Leila would be pissing me off every few days and all I would have to do is sit out on the balcony and watch the sunrise. Wait. Where is Leila? Fuck it. It's not like it matters if she's here or not. We weren't even dating.

When I open the double doors to the balcony, I see that it's late and the sun's setting. The pain in my head isn't gone, but it feels like all the tension in my body has faded as I walk over to the bench. I sit down on the cushioned seat and keep my focus on the setting sun.

Why couldn't I be like the sun and just set?

"Are you okay?" I don't have to turn my head to know who's voice that is. Steele.

"I'm fine." I'm far from fine. Everyone knows that, but they are keeping that to themselves.

"Emotionally or physically?" she walks over and takes a seat by me, not looking over at me.

"Neither." why would I want to tell this woman anything?

"It's okay Christian." she sighs. "I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner. Maybe if we would have found you-" I stop her.

"Stop." I say annoyed. "Yes, I don't remember anything but you can't blame yourself for what I did. Thank you for trying to help find me." I tell her. She nods.

"You have no idea how happy Elliot was when Jacob called." she frowns. "He didn't know who the hell these guys were though." Steele looks at me. "Where the fuck did you find these two at?" she asks me.

"These guys used to be my lawyers." her mouth drops open. I laugh and bring a finger to her mouth, closing it.

"Those guys are lawyers?" she asks.

"I know, but they hide behind closed doors."

"Why not use your dad?" she asks.

"Because family can't get involved into certain cases." I explain. "You know like how a doctor can't operate on their own family member?"

"I understand."

We stay quiet for a few moments as the light of the sun vanishes off. I prop my feet up on the edge of the fire pit, and look up. It's beautiful tonight. I see a sky full of stars and it actually helps the ache in my head. No one out here to mess with me is making things a lot better.

But then I see small movement out of the corner of my eye and noticed that Steele is getting up.

I sigh. "Steele, you don't have to leave. It's just going to be a while before I'm done dealing with this shit."

"It's fine, Christian." she says. "Oh, and please call me Ana." a hint of a smile forms across her lips.

"What's Gracie and the others doing?" I ask. She chuckles.

"Well after I put baby girl down, the others decided that it'd be best to give you your space the rest of the night so most likely they're screwing around." she explains. "The Flynn Brothers are on standby in case something happens to you."

"Gracie is a sweetheart." I say. "I love her already."

"I know you do Christian. I can see it by the way you look at her." she smiles.

Speaking of how people look at each other…

"Ana?" I murmur. She has leaned back beside me and is now staring at the sky.

"What is it?" she asks. I roll on my side and look at her. I've been wanting to ask her this question all damn day.

"How did the guys and I end up messing around with you girls?" she laughs at the question which pisses me off. "What the fuck is so funny?" I snap. She just keeps smiling.

"You sure you want to know?" she asks. I roll my eyes.

"No shit." I feel a sharp slap across my thigh. "Ow! What the fuck?" I rub my thigh.

"I can't reach your ass, so it's either that or your arm. Thigh is less sensitive. Now stop being a dick." she snaps.

She goes on to explain about how her and the girls started singing one of our songs and we got in their faces. Then Elliot and Kate practically tried fucking each other on the floor but Ana had to pull Kate away from clawing El's eyes out. Something about a magazine. What really surprised me is when she told me about Jack and those fuckers trying to mess with Mia.

Ana goes on to tell me about how the assholes were arrested. That made me start clapping. Fucking finally. I was sick of being thrown in jail with them for no reason.

"I know." she says.

"So they begged us afterwards until we finally gave in." I groan. "Yeah they were practically on their knees. And I'm not talking about my girls." a grin spreads across her face.

"Fucking idiots." I shake my head. "They look happy though, so I guess it doesn't matter."

"You're right." she says simply. Love the attitude.

"If we were so against it, how the hell did we end up with a child?" I ask. She purses her lips.

"I am so thankful I have my memory, because the details of that night would surely be missed." she chuckles. "We fucked a lot that night, and weren't against any of it. Only the past, which we figured out."

I can't remember having this woman's naked body underneath me? How fucking fantastic is that. This headache, which is only getting worse as I keep trying to remember, needs to go the hell away so I can see if my memory will come back.

My eyes scan her body, but I keep my hands under the side of my face to keep my distance. She's already wearing her pajamas, shorts that barely cover that ass of hers and a tank top that show the swells of her breast. I bite the inside of my cheek.

"You should grab a blanket." I say quietly. But when she goes to stand I grab her shoulder. It just makes the shit worse. "You know what? I'll get it." I hear her chuckle.

"Christian, just look away. Okay?" she says it like it's simple. When I just stare at her she just rolls her eyes. "You're still a drama queen."

"Am not." I watch her stand up. "Fuck me…" her ass cheeks are hanging out of those tiny shorts, giving me a perfect view when she turns around.

She walks back into the bedroom and I see her figure move through the room. I watch her walk into my closet then come out a minute later with a blanket wrapped around her body. I really don't know if I should be grateful or upset.

As soon as she walks back out on the balcony, I try to make it seem like I wasn't staring. She lays back down beside me, keeping her distance. Thank fuck. I can't stop my mouth from opening either.

"What's with the fuck me shorts?" I ask. That causes her to laugh.

"I'm happy you still don't have a filter." she chuckles. "After I had gotten a shower, I threw on the first thing I grabbed. I wanted to check on you before going to bed. Sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. I honestly didn't think I'd be out here this long."

"No, you're fine." I tell her. "I'll just need a cold shower since I won't be able to fuck for a few months." I sigh. Months without sex… This is going to be the toughest shit I've ever done in my life. And I've been through some rough shit.

"Hmm…" wheels are spinning in Steele's head. "Remember that women have hands and mouths as well Christian." she points out. I can't help but laugh.

"Thanks for pointing that out Steele."

With a shake of her head, she stands up and walks over to me. She grabs my chin and lowers her lips to mine giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. Her lips are so soft.

"I've missed you so much." she says against my mouth.

"I wish I could say the same." I whisper. Pulling her on top of my lap, I crush her lips down on mine. A moan escapes through her mouth and into mine, as if a small whisper. She then pulls away from me with her eyes shut tightly.

"No sex." she says. "Remember?"

I can't fucking help the shit that comes spilling out of my mouth. This woman is putting me in a great mood right now.

"You have a mouth and a hand don't you?" my grin widens as I watch her tongue dart across her lower lip. I bring my hand to rest it on her cheek. "Sorry Ana, I need to get tested first. Who the hell knows what I did or who I did it with." my body gives off an involuntary shiver.

"You were a dumb ass before the surgery." she murmurs. "No offense."

"You may be fucking sexy, but you're a bitch." I chuckle.

"How do you think we get along so well? You're such an ass at times." she rolls her eyes.

"What did I do that caused me to look like such an ass?" I raise an eyebrow.

"You always caused us trouble with the studio and at party's, you guys were complete assholes." she shrugs. "We did the same thing though."

"I remember that." I smirk. A smile appears on her face.

"Good." she starts to get off my lap, but I grab her hips. "I have to get to bed."

"Just a few more minutes.." I really don't want her to go.

"How's your head?" she asks. Still fucking hurts. She nods when she doesn't receive an answer. "Come lay with me. Gracie is in there with me as well."

"I don't know…" I may have had a child with her, but I don't know her.

"You're safe Christian." she grabs my hand. "I promise." she gets off my lap and pulls me up.

"I know."

We walk back into the bedroom and lock the balcony back. Ana turns off all the lights and guides me to hers and Gracie's room. It's the last one on the left. I'm not able to have a look at it when we walk in because it's dark. Gracie is sound asleep and we need to keep quiet.

Ana and I tiptoe over to the bed, making sure not to make more racket than we should. I move the comforter aside and let Ana slide in first. When I slip under the sheets it feels uncomfortable. I am having to reposition myself several times to get comfortable.

Until I can't finally take it anymore, and pull Ana against my chest. Her warmth wraps around my body making me feel like I'm at home.


	8. Chapter 8

**Christian**

I wake up with a start, my body shaking. The last thing I remember is a gun being pointed at my chest and the sound of it going off. That shows me that I need to stop watching crime shows. I need a goddamn nausea pill.

The heat of Ana's body is just making the nausea worse, but I don't want to get up. I kiss the back of her neck and ease my body away from hers. She runs her hand against my arm so I have to carefully back away from her so I don't wake her up. I could actually get used to being close to this woman.

"Are you okay?" I hear her whisper. She wraps her hand around mine.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." I kiss her cheek and let go of her. She nods, resting her head back on her pillow.

I walk my way to the bathroom in hopes to find those damn pills. There's no bathroom in Ana's room so I quietly leave and walk down the hall to mine. Hopefully I have something because I don't want to see that nurse again. Or that creepy doctor. The thought of him makes me shiver.

When I make it to my guest room, I walk to my bathroom and look through the medicine cabinet. I see that the guys keep _Emetrol._ After reading the details, I know I found what I needed. I take the required amount and hop in the shower, turning it all the way on cool and just sit my ass on the ground. Please let this feeling go away.

I hear knocking on the door. "Bro, are you okay?" Elliot calls through.

"Yeah." I croak. Damn, I hope I keep my voice. This is how I make a damn living.

"I'm coming in Chris." El says through the door.

"Bullshit." he laughs.

"I've seen your naked ass before, stop being a little bitch." he says. "You aren't your best man."

"Damn it. Fine, come in." I snap.

I hear the door click open and multiple voices. Great. More of the guys to see a view of my dick. Well, at least they'll know who's got it going for them in the band. But when I feel the water suddenly stop and towel thrown over me, I look up and I'm surprised to see the person in front of me. The last person I expected to help me.

"You look surprised." Ana smiles, reaching for my hand.

"It's two in the morning. None of you should be awake." I inform her.

"Sorry bro, but we are keeping our eyes on you." El says. "Ana, you wrap that around him because I'm not grabbing his ass. I will pick him up though."

"I'm fine." I snap.

I don't move though. I'm most likely too damn tired from that medicine. Ana wraps the towel tighter around me and nods for Elliot to pick me up even when I try to protest. Fucking asshole. He carries me to my bed and tells Ana to go get Justin and John.

Justin, the doctor I met earlier on, walks through the bedroom door with a bag in hand. He is wearing his pajama pants with a tired smile on his face. Ana comes walking in behind him with a big grin on her face.

"What's with the smile?" I ask Ana, as I try getting comfortable in bed. Justin walks over to me and takes out a blood pressure cup, putting it around my arm. Then he takes my temperature.

But before she can answer, John walks in with a pissed look on his face. His eyes fall to all of us, so he just grumbles something incoherent under his breath and falls on the couch across from the bed. Then he looks at me.

"Why is it that every time I'm having fun with my wife you have to interrupt shit?" John asks annoyed. I raise my hands in defense.

"I didn't tell them to come get you and it's not my fault your wife gets horny at two in the morning." I say pissed. "Get the fuck out of here, because I clearly didn't call you."

"Christian, this idiot brother of mine has a pregnant wife at home." Justin explains. "I apologize about this." I shake my head.

"John, you go home to be with your wife. Everyone else go to bed as well and leave me alone." I order.

"I need to know what's wrong Christian." Justin states. I look at El and Ana.

"Go back to bed."

"It's fine Christian." Ana says.

"It's not like I'm going to be doing anything." I tell her. My eyes fall on John. "When you wake back up go the fuck home. I don't even know why you're here in the first place."

Justin's eyes fall on his brothers for half a second, then he plasters a fake smile back on his face. So I'm guessing he's here for more than just the drinking and drugs bullshit. Not to mention it probably has something to do with the scar on my chest. If I need a psychiatrist, I will find someone who won't be so disrespectful.

Fucking tumor or not, I don't want them tiptoeing around me. I want normalcy and I want this dick head out of here especially if he doesn't want to be here.

After they all leave, Justin starts asking me questions about how I'm feeling and why he needed to be woken up.

"They seemed to think that it was best." I mutter. He pulls a notepad and pen out from his back. "Oh shit, going all doctor on me?" he laughs.

"What are you feeling?"

"I woke up feeling nauseated." I tell him. "I took some medicine in the cabinet to help calm it down." he writes down the name of the medication.

"Is that what woke you up?" he asks, writing a few notes down.

"Um, no." I say quietly. He raises an eyebrow, then frowns.

"How's your head?"

"It's actually… better. Better than before."

"On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate it?" he asks. I have to think about it for a while.

"About a four." he grins.

"We are making progress Christian." he stops. "What woke you up then?" he looks confused.

I'm afraid if I start to bring it up, I'll get sick again. I don't want to remember that fucked up dream again. It was all so damn real. But what if it was? What if that shit actually did happen to me? I barely got a look at anything though.

"Christian?" I'm brought out of my thoughts when Justin shakes me. "What woke you up?" he tries asking me again.

"I had a dream." I explain. I watch him lean in. "All I remember is the barrel of a gun being pointed at me then-"

I stop and grit my teeth. I feel myself starting to get sick and I think the doc knows it, because he quickly grabs the trash bin by the bed. Getting rid of the medication and bottle of water I had earlier, I dry heave into the bin. Justin just pats me on the back, placing a cool rag on the back of my neck.

After I'm done he hands me a bottle of water to wash out my mouth and spit into the bin. Then he hands me another rag to wipe the sweat off my face. He says that my blood pressure has risen so I need to lay down and he's going to give me something that will calm me down.

"You had part of a memory, Christian." he sighs, writing down more information. "That's how you had gotten that scar." that causes me to flinch.

"So, I will need a fucking psychiatrist?" I grumble irritated.

"Taylor is talking to John about the accident that happened." he says. "You don't have to talk to John, but you should talk to someone Christian. Maybe try our dad. He's more old school."

"When could I talk to him?" Justin shrugs.

"When do you need him?"

"People have lives as well Justin." I tell him. "You better hope your family agrees to move out here for the time because you have a life as well."

"For what the pay is?" he chuckles. "I'll drag her ass out here."

I laugh, but it gets stuck in my throat when I taste metallic. My vision suddenly becomes blurry and I see Leila. She's yelling at me, tears are running down her face.

"What was the accident?" I ask him. He scoffs.

"Which one?" I hear him say, but his voice echoes.

"The one that caused me to get this scar." I shout.

The only person I end up shouting at is Leila as she shoves at me then pushes past me, and I don't think I'm even shouting. She enters the bathroom.

"You were shot by a woman in the bedroom of your penthouse." the echo fades as Leila walks back out holding a gun.

"Was the woman Leila?" I ask quietly. I get no answer back

Instead, I watch the spark of the gun and a sharp pain runs through my chest. Looking down, I see nothing. I grab my chest and feel no pain and see nothing soaking through. No blood. Where the fuck is Leila?

When I look back up, I see Justin watching me with John and Taylor by his side. I'm still in bed, but I'm covered in sweat. They all seem to be waiting for me to make the first move and that's the smart damn choice.

"Where is she?" I ask. John looks at me.

"Who?" I glare at him.

"You know exactly who. Where the fuck is Leila?" I snap.

"Calm down Grey." John says. "I just needed to make sure you were remembering. I didn't want to be the one to remind you." he holds up a hand. "She's in prison." I sigh in relief.

"Okay." I say. "Why the fuck did I have to remember that shit and not fucking Ana for the first time? That would have been perfect." Taylor laughs.

"Christian, stop with the thinking." he says. "You need some rest."

"How the hell am I supposed to rest with this shit on my mind?" I say exasperated.

At that moment Ana walks through the door with Gracie in her arms. Now I feel like complete shit that I woke the two of them up.

"I'm so sorry." I apologize.

"Walls are soundproof Christian." she whispers. "I think she knew something was wrong." Ana lays Gracie beside me and let's her curl in my arms.

"Just like old times." Taylor says quietly.

"Except the two aren't in the hospital." Ana mutters. "I'm so sick of hospitals."

"I think we all are." Taylor says.

I tune them out as Gracie curls up against my chest and wraps her tiny hand around mine. It's bad that I won't be able to remember my time with her and that I lost a year with her. Why the hell did I have to remember the screwed up shit? This could just be a new beginning for me though. Maybe since I can't remember all the bullshit I can start over.

It may be a new beginning, but the only thing running through my mind is the memory of Leila. How could she do that to me? Why would she do that to me?


	9. Chapter 9

**John**

Fucking great. I just wanted to make sure my damn girl was happy. Who's more important, her or him? I guess I was being a dick. I really don't care, my girl comes first. But now I'm going to have to hear bullshit coming from Justin now. Fucking great.

I walk into the living room after leaving Christian, Ana, and Gracie alone together and send a goodnight text to my wife. Hopefully the three of them will get back on track together. From what I've seen so far, Grey has already been getting closer to that child then most fathers do. I'm very amazed.

In most cases like his, especially since he's starting to remember something so traumatic, he should be pushing us all further away but he's not. I watched him grab onto Gracie like she was a life raft.

He wants me to leave, but I'm staying where Taylor needs me. I've had to cancel some of my idiotic cases where their wife cheated on them, but they cheated on her first. It's not my fault you're an ass. Anyways, Taylor has been having a bad case of PTSD and it's due to the fire. I'm afraid that if Grey keeps remembering and I'm not here, his PTSD will be something that he won't be able to get past.

Dad is a psychiatrist as well, but to be honest I take on some of the tougher cases because dad is soft. I tend to push people and that's how Taylor and I get along. He wants that from someone since he's getting so much softness from his wife and daughter. He needs to enjoy that though. And that's what I keep trying to tell him when he tries to push Gail away. I don't know who's worse. Christian or Taylor.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water. These two who own this place need to clean up once in awhile. It's fucking disgusting here. I have to kick a damn pizza box across the floor so I don't slip on it. I wish I was home right now. Maybe I should go home, take Grey up on his offer. No. No I need to stay and help these two.

I hear footsteps behind me and I wait for the ass chewing I'm about to receive from Justin. He knows that I hate kissing the clients ass. Justin is actually caring, me on the other hand, not so much. I've had to deal with so much scumbags that it's hard to put on some fake charade. I don't think he's faking though.

I watch as Justin just walks by me, as if I'm not even here. How fucking childish.

"Really Justin?" I mutter, tossing the bottle in the trash. "The quiet game? Grow up." he sits at the counter. His expression doesn't show me anything.

"Just go ahead and pack your shit John." he says coldly. My eyes widen. "You know what the fuck this family has been through and yet you act like some hormonal teenager. Dad is coming out to help take care of him."

"My goddamn wife-" he stops me.

"I always took care of my patients before my wife, even when she was pregnant and that had gotten me on the couch." he says. "Christian is bringing Rebecca and Rachel to stay here until he can move back to Seattle." he says leaning his elbows on the counter.

"Are you fucking serious?" he can't be. But when he nods I almost lose it.

"I will have to drag the girls out here, but he's paying me a great deal so it should be worth it."

"I wish he would have hired me." I say quietly. "I already like working with Taylor. He's not some cheating asshole who complains about his life constantly."

"At least you get paid top dollar just to hear people whine all day." he chuckles. "Just get ear plugs."

"Yeah, maybe I can call Taylor every once in awhile and ask how the situation is doing." I huff. Justin jumps out of the chair dramatically, almost slipping on a sock.

"You know what?" I raise an eyebrow. "How about you apologize."

"You're such a dick." he laughs.

"I'm just giving you an option." he shrugs.

I roll my eyes. "Fine, but I don't have to kiss his damn feet do I?"

"Christian is a nice guy. Stop being a little bitch just because he interrupted you and your wife's fun."

Why does my smartass of a brother always have to be right? So I guess I have to walk up to him tomorrow and apologize for being a dick. Then if he asks me why I was being a dick, what do I tell the guy? He interrupted me fucking my girl? Oh, yeah you were just bothered me while I was having phone sex. I suppose that sounds about right. Doesn't it.

If he doesn't accept the apology then I'll go home and deal with the old, rich entrepreneurs who bitch on and on about their lives.


	10. Chapter 10

**Christian**

I wake up again with sweat dripping down my body. I had Ana take Gracie away from me so that I wouldn't harm her just in case I threw a fit when I fell asleep. Just as she walked out the door I told Ana to just stay with baby girl until the morning.

She was hesitant at first, but I guess when she saw how serious I was she knew that I wasn't changing my mind. Ana made sure that I was okay before she left then went on her way. I sent the rest of the guys to bed as well because it was already so late in the morning. I knew that some of them haven't even been to bed yet.

Justin gave me something that would make sure that I would get at least a few more hours of sleep with the rest of them. I didn't want it, to be honest. Why the fuck would I want to see those images all over again? And the pathetic thing is, this just sounds like me repeating the same thing all over.

Surprisingly, John's the one who convinced me to take the shot. He said if I fell asleep I would most likely fall into complete darkness rather than seeing Leila again. I guess the medicine wore off because I woke up to shit I didn't want to see. The last thing I remember was seeing the guys horrified faces as Leila shot me. I need to ask El about that.

I lean against the headboard and run a hand over my face. My body is fucking sticky from the sweat, but my body is still too weak and tired to even get up and go take a shower. I guess the medication still hasn't run all of its way out of my system.

I'm suddenly brought back to the present when I feel eyes on me. I look to my left, where the bed has dipped, and see Ana looking at me. Of course she's in here. Does this woman ever fucking listen to what she's told to do?

"When did you get in here, and where's Gracie?" I ask a little too harshly, because I see her flinch.

"I came in here as soon as you fell asleep, and Gracie is with Kate." she says. "Now get over it. I wanted to make sure you were okay." she runs a hand over my face. "And it looks like you had a nightmare."

"That obvious?" I ask leaning my face into her touch. She nods.

"You're body is pale, shaking, and covered in sweat." she explains. "It's obvious."

She lays back down on the bed and I wrap my arms around her waist, laying my head on her chest. Her hands slide up and down my back making my whole body start to run hot. Then I feel her nails glide across my shoulder blades. My eyes automatically shut and I kiss her chest, burying my face in her neck.

"You know," I whisper, "if you weren't a musician, you'd make a perfect masseuse. " I mutter. "For me at least." she chuckles.

"Go back to sleep Christian." she says.

"What time is it?"

"Barely five. You've just been asleep for an hour. Get some rest."

"I'm really not tired."

"You sound like a child."

"Do not." after that flew out of my mouth, I realize I do. "Fuck. Fine, I'll go to sleep."

She turns the lamp off and we just lay there in silence. Her fingers still glide against my back as I keep my face buried in her neck. How the hell am I supposed to go to sleep with her touching me? All my dick can think about is being inside her.

I notice that her hands have stopped moving against my back and her breathing has grown heavy. Oh thank fucking goodness!

Bullshit rules. Have I ever followed them? No. Why am I doing it now? One word: Gracie.

I pull away from Ana, and kiss her lightly on the lips as I carefully get up. No wonder I broke the golden rule. This woman is goddamn aphrodite.

I still feel fucking weak but that isn't stopping my ass from getting out of here.

I walk out of the bedroom and make my way into the living room. On my way down the hall I step in some unknown puddle. I curse under my breath. Why the hell do these guys live like this? I swear I'm going to kick my own ass for running here.

I'm finally feeling better at least. Why did it have to be at five in the morning though where everyone was asleep? My ass is bored as hell.

My eyes fall on the balcony. Maybe since everyone is asleep I can finally go back out there and get some peace and quiet. Ana is amazing but now is my time to figure out what I want to do. I don't even know if I want to be with that woman. All I know is the thought of losing her is painful.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water then head towards the balcony, unlocking the doors and opening them quietly. I walk over towards the railing and take a sip of water.

The stars have seemed to disappear and the sky has started to lighten up already. Well that was quick. I fucking hate New York. These guys may live out here but I have several other people I could have gone to. This tumor must have really fucked me up. I sigh loudly. This may not be as high as my penthouse but it's high enough where no one will notice me. I can notice them though.

Looking over the balcony I see that a woman is walking out of the alleyway pulling her coat close to her. She walks out of the shadows and leans against the brick wall. A moment later a man walks out then grips ahold of her arm. She doesn't seem affected by it, like she's used to this type of treatment, and the man's face is near the side of hers. A moment later she flinches.

The man then puts a finger in her face, most likely giving her a warning, then let's go of her arm. She doesn't move or take her eyes off of him. I watch him turn around and walk back into the alleyway. When he's gone I watch her take a deep breath.

The woman pulls out a cigarette from the purse hanging at her side and puts it between her lips. This woman is doing a scheme that isn't very original. I know from the get go what her ass is going to do. I watch a man start to walk by her and she eases herself off the wall and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Her lips move and after a moment he brings a hand up to her face, but I realize he has a lighter in his hand. She smiles seductively at him and gives him a wink.

The two of them talk for around five minutes until my eyes follow them as they move into the dark alley.

I lean further against the railing, shaking my head. Prostitutes, hookers, Escorts, and pimps know how to dominate this world in one swift move. They can easily manipulate you emotionally and physically. Most of the time the customer just wants company so they wouldn't feel alone and the two would just spend time talking to one another. That means that they will easily throw their money away.

This man, though, wants her lips wrapped around his cock.

I remember when a woman spent over five hundred dollars on me just so that I could pretend to be her son for a little while. It was so awkward for me, but she was happy. I felt sorry for her, and even though the pimp beat the shit out of me that night, I was glad to do it.

The fucker should have been happy I had gotten that amount for not even sleeping with the damn client. My mother should have defended me. I took her goddamn place so she wouldn't have to-

I take in a deep breath. I need to calm down before I lose it. Why couldn't I forget those fucking memories instead of the more cheerful ones? Oh fucking well, maybe I can create better memories.

I lay my chin on my hand and focus on the alley entrance. I'm basically what I was before. I sleep with many women and I don't give a shit what or who it is unless she gives me something in return. The only thing different this time is that I'm not being paid for it and the pimp is making me fuck men.

Moments later the two walk out of the alley. The girl is grinning at him, licking her lips. He just ignores her and heads down the street as if his day hadn't just started out with getting blown off by a hooker.

Getting sick of the scene before me, I turn around and walk back inside.

I walk into the kitchen, throw away my water bottle, and pull out orange juice and grab two Tylenol. My head only has a dull ache to it but I don't want to take a chance that the pain come back at me full force.

"Did that medicine not take its effect?" I turn around and see John taking a seat at the table. He still looks out of it.

"Guess not." I look at him. "What time are you leaving?"

"I'm not leaving." excuse me?

"Why is that?" I ask. "You have a wife at home who needs you more at the moment."

"I'm talking to Taylor who needs psychological help right now. My wife is fine. I'll be leaving at the end of the week." he explains. "When she gets pissed I get pissed, so sorry for snapping at you. But I slept on the couch the last time because you interrupted us."

"Cock block, huh?" he laughs.

"That's exactly what she said." he snickers. "It's nice having a break from her mood swings though." he looks at me quickly.

"If you ever meet her, don't you ever tell her that."

"Don't worry, John. You have my word." I say. "Can I ask you something?"

"Depends on what the question is." he eyes me suspiciously.

"Why is Taylor talking to you?" I ask.

He sighs loudly, looking at the ceiling. "You know I can't tell you that." he frowns. After a moment of silence he finally gives up, "But I will tell you that it does involve you."

"Fucking tease." I glare. "No wonder you slept on the couch."

"Asshole. That was your fault." he looks back at me. "Have you remembered anything? Want to talk about anything so I can bring out the psychiatrist in me?"

I shake my head grinning. This guy's fucking stupid. I wish he would go on home to his wife though. Being away from the one you love for this long must be hard on him and we're causing it. At least he's helping Taylor.

"What?" I ask. "No sitting on the couch where I stare at the ceiling?"

"Not yet." he says. "I'm serious Christian. What you tell me is just between you and me. Got it? The reason I say this is because I know you want to tell some things that you can't tell others." he explains. "So here's the option to talk to me."

I lean back against the counter and think about it for a moment. Should I talk to him about everything that's happened in my past up to now? I haven't told anyone, not even Grace or Carrick, about what had happened in my past. Grace just kicked my ass into shape when she saw me on the streets trying to buy drugs. She never knew I was a whore. That I had a pimp.

Maybe John will help me find myself. Letting out all of my anger and pain might be the right thing for me and it might even be good for my music. My memory isn't good right now but the pain is probably the result of it. Maybe if I leave the painful memories behind, my memory might come back to me.

Looking up at John I just nod then take a seat across from him. We sit in silence for a few minutes doing completely nothing. He breaks the silence by asking the one question that's already put a damper on things and makes me regret this whole shit.

"Grace is your adoptive mother. Is that right?" It still hurts to hear her name. I simply nod. "Okay Christian, tell me about the years before the Grey's."

I thought this would be easy with a psychiatrist, someone that would keep my secrets to themselves, but it's still hard to explain myself. I can already feel myself sweating. Goddamn, stop being a pussy Grey!

"Christian, you don't have to tell me anything right now." John says. "Now I know where one of the problems lie. Want to try something out with me?"

"I'm not kissing you dude." not going back to those dark times.

"Shut up." he mutters. "How about we work on a year of your age each week. You can talk about what happened during that year of age for the week then we will move on to the next. Deal?"

Talking about what happened to me at the age of four for a whole week. That sounds pretty easy besides the whole reliving it shit. I don't want to bring up my past to this man, but I know that's why I'm doing this shit for. Damn it!

"When do we start?" I grumble.


	11. Chapter 11

**John**

"Can we please stop right now?" Christian asks, keeping his eyes on his hands. "I- I'm sorry." I stop him.

"What did I tell you before we started this Christian?" he looks up. "We are going to take this slow and keep it easy for you. Understand?" he nods. "Are you ready to stop for the day?"

"I don't know." he whispers. "Should we?"

I look at him completely shocked. I've been a psychiatrist for only three years, but even in those three years no one has asked me what they should do. The rich snobs always think they have it in their own hands, but they only come to me so they can have someone to bitch to after they messed up multiple times. It pisses me off. Christian surprises me at each turn.

"From what you have just told me, I think we should stop for the day." he slumps down in his seat. "We will start again tomorrow morning. The thing about this technique is to get you to open up to me about your past and not be afraid when you tell me. This isn't to torture you, but to help you ease into what happened."

"When do you think it will stop hurting?" he asks.

"Depends on what type of hurting you're talking about." I tell him.

"Talking about my past," he hints, "will it ever stop hurting?"

I think about it for a minute. What should I tell this man? Right now he looks like a scared child and now at this moment I know why. From what little he told me I don't know how he's capable of holding himself together. I guess it's because of his family, but the way he holds himself makes me think it's most likely because he doesn't want to look weak.

I need to be honest with him.

"Christian, look at me." I order. "This is our first session, just because of how this talk went doesn't mean the others will turn out like this. Now I'm going to be honest with you right now. Not everyone's pain goes away no matter how many appointments they have it just never works."

"Then why do they keep seeing a therapist?" he frowns.

"For comfort." I explain. "The therapist is the one who knows all their secrets Christian. You can tell us anything without a word spilling out of our mouth or us judging you. All we do is try and help you."

"Fine, okay John." he looks over his shoulder. "We better get inside before they all wake up."

"Let's go get breakfast for these guys since it seems that the two you were staying with didn't like to keep a stocked fridge." he rolls his eyes.

"Don't fucking remind me. Next time I try to run out just tackle my ass to the ground." Bullshit!

"Uh, man? You could of kicked all of our asses. So fuck you." I say. "I like my face." he laughs.

"Luckily your brother is the doctor." he says pulling on a shirt. I grab my shoes.

"Hey! I'm a doctor too." Damn. I almost slip on a damn banana peel.

"Yeah, yeah." he waves his hand causing me to flip him off.

We walk into the elevator and throw options back and forth between each other on where we want to go to get the breakfast. He says Ihop. I say McDonald's. Then he throws back Cracker Barrel. Okay, I was perfectly fine with that. He started bitching though because Ihop had the same shit. Hell no it didn't. The people who climbed in the elevator with us just laughed when we asked their opinions but then were star struck when they saw Christian.

When they got off, after taking pictures with Christian, I turned towards him.

"Okay, people will only recognize you up close. Those long curls of yours are gone and you have a nice beard." he raises an eyebrow.

"Um, thanks." I grin.

"You're welcome. Now come on before more fans recognize your ass." I rush. "Luckily this place is just down the street."

We walk out of the garage and make our way down the street. It's not as busy as I thought it would be for New York. It's a few minutes past eight and I take notice that Seattle is busier than this. But I guess it's because we aren't on the actual streets. I'm thankful. Christian is less likely to be noticed.

I feel a hand run along my shoulder, and I can tell it's not Christian's. When I turn around I see a woman leaning towards me, a cigarette in her other hand. Christian told me about her.

"What do you need?" I ask, removing her hand. Wait… where the fuck is Christian? My eyes quickly scan the streets, but before I can go anywhere the woman grabs me.

"Can you give me a light?" she asks me while fluttering her lashes. I roll my eyes. Bitch doesn't give up.

"Sorry. I don't take up that nasty shit." I pull away from her again as she glares at me. That felt good.

As I hurry down the street, I try to think of what could have happened. Did he mean to ditch me? Was he scared of that girl because she brought back memories? Or did that tumor fuck him up again. Multiple scenarios are running through my mind and it's bad that I don't know where to look. Usually I'm the man who has his shit together.

I hear grunting coming from the alleyway and cursing. The sound of a dumpster slamming down hard alarms me and I don't know if I should call the police or help. But when I look down the alley I run down towards the two as quick as I can.

Christian is being punched in the stomach by a man about the same size as him. He then blocks his next punch, shoving him back. This causes the guy to slip and hit his head on the brick wall.

When the man doesn't move Christian stands up and dusts himself off, walking over to me.

"Christian, what the fuck." I grab his arm, pulling him behind me. When we get into the light I see that there is blood on his face. "We need to get Justin to look at you."

"Okay." he says quietly. "The man isn't dead."

"I honestly couldn't give a fuck if he was or not." he looks at me, clearly surprised. "Did he just grab you out of nowhere?" he shakes his head.

"I knew him." he says as we walk back to the apartment.

"How?" I ask. "From what I saw I know it wasn't left on good terms."

"No, it wasn't." he scratches the side of his face, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm guessing you're not going to tell me about him today." I simply say. "We can talk about it tomorrow."

We make it into the garage. I press the button for the elevator. When the doors open, I let Christian go in first. It's awkward as we go up because the silence could be cut in half. He wants to say something, I can tell by the way he's standing that he does. I need him to trust me more.

Right before the doors open I hear him say something that peaks my curiosity.

"Don't worry." he whispers. "That's when he started showing up."

Then his ass leaves me to my thoughts. All I know is that my wife better leave me alone tonight so that I can work. I need to figure out what's going on by what little he's given me.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Nedbella: I mentioned Grace adopting him at 15 in The Contestant, so that's when the pimping stopped. You'll find that out soon enough though.**_

 **Christian**

Justin is cleaning me up and checking out my vital signs to see if I need to go back to the hospital. Luckily for me my headache hasn't come back, but the only thing that's wrong is I'm nauseated. When I told Justin, he called the creep of a doctor and said I should be perfectly fine, but if my blood pressure rises or my pain increases to where it's unbearable I need to come in.

When Justin asked John and I about what had happened we just told him that I had gotten mugged while someone was trying to make a profit off John. So we were honest with him. I just didn't tell him that I was the one who threw the first punch. The asshole deserved it though.

As soon as I saw him walking out of that alley towards John, I grabbed him. If I had known this was the man that owned that girl I would have ran down onto the streets and killed him before. If it weren't for John running towards us, I probably wouldn't have stopped beating the shit out of the man even if he was unconscious. I couldn't care less.

The only good thing about him getting a few good hits is that I had gotten a few bits of my memory back. Or at least I think I did. I really hope it was a memory because that was one of the best damn ones I had gotten in awhile. Who knew it took a beating to get a good memory.

I'm not telling anyone. I may tell John later on, but I'll just hint around about these new memories I'm having to see if they're true or not. I don't want to look crazy in front of everyone so this seems like my only option besides talking to John.

The guys and I have been sitting on the couch for awhile while the girls went out for a bit. Ethan is on the floor with Gracie right now while Justin has been scolding mine and John's ass for the past hour for not being more careful. I ignore him though.

"How are you feeling man?" Elliot asks. I look up at him and remember my dream with the guys and Leila. I really need to ask him about that.

"Were you there when Leila shot me?" they all look at me. John looks impressed.

"Yeah, we were." Luke speaks. "How'd you know?"

"Dream." I say. "Just wanted to make sure that it was true."

"I'm glad you're remembering stuff, bro." El says. "Even though I wish it was other things." he looks over at Gracie.

I smile. I remember what Steele, I'm sorry, Ana said about the whole magazine shit. Damn, now I know that it actually happened. El and Kate getting in each other's faces. Ethan saving Mia from Jose. Hannah practically fucking Luke in the middle of the floor. But really got me was Ana singing my song. Not backing down as I look over her. That's all I had remembered as that piece of shit punched me. Maybe I should've let him punch me again…

Yeah fucking right. Like I would let the bastard who torchered me half of my life get in another shot. I want to go back down there and finish what I started but I know I can't. At least not right now.

"You should have fucking known better! Especially with how famous Christian is!" Justin snaps at John. Then he turns towards me. "And what were you thinking going out? You had just gotten out of the hospital! You need to be resting Christian."

"We were getting breakfast for everyone Justin." I explain to him. "My head doesn't even hurt anymore, and I'm already sick of being looked at like I'm some pathetic wounded animal. This is what I wanted, for someone to actually treat me normal like you are now. Oh, and do me a favor. Watch your language around my daughter." I snap. He just glares at me.

"Justin, watch it.." John warns. Justin's head snaps over to him.

"You two have been talking. I can tell." John's eyes cut towards me. I nod. "Christian we treat you like a wounded animal because you are a wounded animal. You've just gotten out of surgery and you have another in two weeks. We are all going to be tip toeing around you just to see how you feel and if anything has come back." Justin is growing agitated and now I feel like shit. "I'm trying to help you just like everyone else is."

"Just let me talk to John for a little while longer and figure everything out. Just look at me like you used to." I beg.

"That would actually be better for his progress if you did so as well." John speaks up.

"What progress?" Ethan asks.

"Can't speak of it. Patient doctor confidentiality, remember?" John rolls his eyes. "It's also Christian's business."

I'm thankful for John right now. I didn't want to explain the situation right now or anytime soon. This is my business and not theirs. I love my family but I need to do this on my own.

The room is silent besides the TV playing the movie _Shrek._ Sadly this wasn't even for Gracie to watch, but Luke. His eyes have been glued on the TV the whole time and he lays on his stomach eating popcorn but Gracie has been enjoying it as well to say the least. She has now moved away from Ethan and is now sitting on Luke's back.

It's entertaining watching the two bonding together, I just wish that I could be that close to her though. I don't think she is comfortable with me though. Hell, I wouldn't feel comfortable with some guy I just met with either, especially just after losing him for a year. I'll make it up to her though. I need too.

I hear the elevator doors open and giggling coming from the foyer. The girls are finally back and I'm guessing they had a good time by the looks on their faces when they round the corner. A small bag is in Ana's hand and bigger bags are being carried in by the other girls. Shit, what did those girls buy?

Ana walks over to Gracie, handing over the small bag. Gracie looks in it and gives Ana a big smile, pulling out a stuffed puppy. Baby girl hugs it close to her and just goes back to watching the movie, causing Ana to chuckle. She gives her a kiss on the cheek and stands up. When she looks up a gasp escapes from her lips.

Shit, I had forgotten that the girls hadn't seen me before they left.

"What happened to you?" she walks over to the couch, taking a seat by me. Her fingers brush across my bruised cheek. I let out a breath. That memory just keeps running through my mind.

"I had gotten mugged when going to get breakfast." I tell her. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"You are an idiot for going out there without security!" she snaps.

"I had John." I grin. She groans.

"Don't you dare, Grey. You could have gotten yourself hurt." she glares. I stand up and pull her with me. "Christian, I swear to God."

"I need to talk to you." she snaps her mouth shut. "Be back in a second guys."

"Yeah, yeah." Kate waves her hand. "You always say that."

"He's not allowed to have the s word until all surgeries are over with." Justin says with a huge grin on his face. I whine. "Sorry, you need to take it easy Christian."

"That is taking it easy!" Ana laughs loudly.

"Not for you. You don't know what the word stop means." El laughs. Dick head.

"Whatever." I mutter, dragging Ana behind me.

I pull Ana into the guest room and shut the door. This whole sex thing may be off the table but foreplay isn't, right? I asked Justin about the whole STD situation and if I had caught anything. He said I was clean and that was the first thing he checked out for me. Now all I need to know is if I knocked anyone up. By God that is going to be a holy nightmare if I had.

"What's wrong Christian?" Ana asks a little worried. I guess it's time to make her stop worrying and to make me feel a little better because I'm getting sick of using my hand in the damn shower.

"I promise Ana, nothing's wrong." I wrap my hand around her waist and pull her closer to me. "But remember what I said, this is only going to have to be a second."

The second my lips touch hers she opens up for me, letting me run my tongue smoothly against hers. She tastes like watermelon and vodka causing me to pull back. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Have you been drinking?" she tries hiding a smile, but her blush gives me the answer.

"It was one drink. I'm sorry." she says quickly. Her face is turning even redder. I chuckle.

"Baby, just because I don't drink anymore doesn't mean you can't." I bring my hand into her hair. "There's no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Just be careful about getting drunk."

"I'm always careful." she taps me on the nose. "I'm just happy you're back to your old self again. I swear if you kept grabbing and spanking my ass I was going to kill you." she shakes her head.

I bite my cheek to hide a smile. She thinks that's going to change? That's my favorite part of her body. I guess my brother and friends better start finding a casket for my body because I'm going to have to fun.

I spin her around and bend her over the bed. She looks back at me in surprise. My hand moves away from her hair to underneath her tank top. Goosebumps have risen along her skin as I trail my fingers along her back. I unclip her bra and slide it down her arms.

"Ana?" I ask her. She keeps her head down as her breathing increases.

"Yes?" her voice husky.

I run a hand over her perfect bottom. "Are you sure you didn't like me grabbing or spanking this perfect ass of yours?" I ask her.

"Christian…" She pushes further against my hand. "Stop."

"Are you sure you want me to stop?" no answer.

I grip the waistband of her tights and pull them down, and I realize she's not wearing any panties. Oh Ana, such a naughty girl. "Why no panties Ana?"

"I didn't feel like wearing any." she says quietly. Oh, now I know she's lying. A blush is forming across her body.

"Are you lying?" she shakes her head. Oh this is going to be fun. I pinch her thigh causing her to cry out. "Keep quiet Ana. You don't want anyone hearing us. Now answer me."

"Yes, I'm fucking lying you dick." she snaps.

"Why didn't you wear any?"

"Because when we were together you hated it when I wore panties to bed. That's my goddamn reason." she pants. "Okay?"

I may not be able to remember what I had with her but how about we create some fun memories now. This woman is amazing as far as I can tell, and even though I may not be as close to her as I was before I know I'm sexually attracted to her. If I can't remember then let me have a sample taste, right?

When my hands grip onto her hips she tries pulling away from me but I just grip on tighter. "Just tell me when to stop." No answer.

I don't even have to slip my fingers against her folds to know how turned on she is. Her pussy is already dripping and her thighs are glistening with her juices. I can't help but kiss her inner thigh, but when I get a small taste I need more.

I may have to go back to rehab again, because I think I'm addicted.

"You're intoxicating, Ana." I slip a finger into her wet folds. "Does it turn you on thinking about me grabbing and spanking that gorgeous ass of yours?" I add another finger.

"Oh God." she whispers.

"Mmm, I'd rather hear my name on those beautiful lips." I rub my thumb over her clit as I start to feel her tighten around me.

I watch as her fingers dig into the comforter, laying her cheek against the soft blanket with her eyes closed and mouth open. She looks so damn sexy right now. I'm going to have to take a damn shower after this shit, because right now this is all about her and I'm enjoying it.

I pinch down on Ana's clit, causing her to cry out and finally give up what she was holding back. Even during foreplay she's fucking stubborn. I love a challenge though and even when she tried to hold back she couldn't. Damn, this is going to be fun.

Ana sucks in a sharp breath as I run my tongue up her thigh and between her pussy. She squirms between my hands so I have to hold her down as she tries to move away. What? A tongue can be a perfect rag can't it?

When I'm done, I pull up Ana's tights and wait for her to stand back up. She doesn't though. When I look over she glares at me. What did I do now?

"What?" I ask a little too innocently.

"You know what. I'm fucking tired now Christian. Why is it that every orgasm you give me it feels like I've run a marathon?" she sighs. Is that a compliment? "If you want a good blow job you might want to get on the bed." I laugh.

"I'm fine Ana. You get some sleep." I lay her on her back and crawl on top of her. My hands seem to have a mind of their own and find Ana's breast. What did I tell Ana to do again?

"What about sleep?" she moans as I start palming her breast. I bring my lips to hers to shut her up. Damn it Grey, let her sleep. I pull away.

"I'm sorry. Couldn't help it." she pulls me back towards her, wrapping her legs around my waist. Fuck me…

"If you still want me by the time your surgeries are over-." I stop her from talking. Her legs tighten around my hips. I can feel how wet she is again through the thin fabric of her tights. My dick needs to get out of these jeans.

"I'll still want you." she just looks at me, and it's like what I said changed something in her. I notice a change in her eyes. The moment I said the words, it's like a spark went off that brought light to her. "Just try to wait for me. Okay?" I grin.

I barely know Ana right now but she's a challenge for me and I love a good challenge. I also need to remember the time I slept with her. Even though we've been together before she still doesn't fall at my feet like other women do she is bitchy, domineering, defiant and sexy. She's basically a female me. No wonder we butted heads at the beginning.

"Trust me, I'll wait." she yawns. I better let her sleep.

"I mean it this time, get some sleep." I kiss her, unwrapping her legs from around my hips, then climb of the bed.

"You need rest as well Christian." she murmurs. I chuckle.

"I'll be fine Ana. I feel great actually besides the blue balls." she goes to speak but I stop her. "I'm going to jack off. You can make up for it later."

"Oh trust me, I will." she smirks, biting her bottom lip.

"Fuck, Ana, go to sleep."

She giggles as I turn away from her. I need to fix myself before heading back out into the living room and explain why Ana isn't.. Shit, like it's any of their business.

I close the door and head down the hall towards the nosy ass people who want to know what's going on between Ana and me right now. Again, it's none of their fucking business. I just hope when they see that it's just me they don't ask shit.


	13. Chapter 13

**Be prepared guys***

 **Christian**

"Anything special you want to talk about this morning?" John asks.

After messing around with Ana yesterday, I just decided to go back to my room and take a shower. I didn't feel like talking to anyone and I needed to figure out a plan on how to get closer to Gracie without her getting upset with me. Let's just say I didn't get much sleep last night.

We're sitting on the balcony outside the kitchen, the place where I had gotten the glimpse of the two from yesterday. John had thought that the fresh air would be better for me and it keeps us a good distance away from everyone. The thick doors keep them from hearing anything.

"Not really. My mind's kind of giving me a run for its money right now." I yawn. He frowns.

"Did you not get much sleep last night." I shake my head. "We never saw you come back out yesterday."

"I was overthinking last night." before he can even ask, "It was about how I can get Gracie to trust me."

"Don't worry Christian. You saw how close she was to you at the hospital." he points out. "Maybe she is trying to give you time to heal like all of us are. Children can also feel when their parents are in pain, you do realize that right?"

"I do now." I sigh. "I just don't like it when she pulls away from me. I mean she doesn't look scared, but it's more like she doesn't want to be near me. Like damn John. Do I stink?" he laughs.

"She just wants you to heal." he says. "You have to think about it. This little girl was in the hospital for several months and the first time you held her was when you were in a hospital bed yourself. She knows when something is wrong with you. Her eyes follow you and stay on you every time you cough or groan in pain. I've never seen anything like it." he shakes his head. "Stop worrying about it and just try to get better. Maybe try to involve her in things where you don't have to pick her up."

"But I want to pick her up. I want to hold my daughter in my arms and love her John."

"Then hold her on your lap. Christian, she's not going to let you pick her up while you're standing or moving. Your child's smart even though you are an idiot at times." I glare at him.

"Oh fuck off." I snap.

Maybe that's the answer. If it is, that means I can spend more time with my baby girl without her running towards one of her uncles. I want her to know me, and I want to know more about her. She may look just like me but I can still see Ana in her. So very beautiful. But I'm still worried about how she hasn't made a noise. She hasn't even laughed.

"Okay, let's get back to work." he says, flipping through his notes. "We started at the age of four because that's when your memory was best. What we stopped on was when it was the actual day of your fourth birthday." John states.

I suck in a deep breath. Do I really want to start talking about this? To finally be open to someone about what had happened to me by those pieces of shit. What had happened to me by my own mother. John said he wasn't here to judge me, so I guess it's time to finally get it out.

"Okay." I rest my elbows on my knees and ball my hands into a fist. John waits for me to go on but it's hard to get the words out.

"We can wait some more Christian." he says. I shake my head.

"No, it's fine. I just don't know where to start."

"Don't worry, just take your time." he offers. Taking my time won't help me get through any of this shit as I tell him what happened.

"My mom woke me up that morning on my fourth birthday. She had a big smile on her face, so my first thought was that she had made all of her payments for the months. That the pimp wouldn't be showing up that day." he nods in understanding. This is something he can't understand though.

"What happened next Christian."

"My mom made it seem like the plan she came up with was perfect." I whisper. "The smile on her face was infectious and I couldn't help but feel happy with her. At first I thought she had a surprise for me for my birthday when she asked me to come into the living room to show me something. Oh, it was a goddamn surprise alright. That damn smile I had for my mom was wiped away though."

I stand up and go to the railing. Gripping onto the edges, images of what comes next run into my mind. Pain shoots through my hands from the grip I have on the metal. John brings me out of my thoughts.

"What happened next Christian?" he asks, snapping me out of it.

"She didn't even have to force me into the living room. I was so happy that it was just a day for me and her, especially on my birthday, that I didn't even think about what was going on." I explain. "When I walked into the living room though, there was the pimp. Beside him was the man you had met yesterday." John doesn't seem fazed by this.

"When they took notice of my mom and me, the pimp went to grab me, but my mom stopped him. That shocked the hell out of me, because he owned my mother. But he didn't slap her, hit her, or anything. He just nodded at her and turned towards the other fucker." I'm still fucking shocked about this. How could you do this to your own child. "She grabbed me by my shoulders and told me that my birthday present from her was her goddamn freedom. That I was old enough to be sold and fucked, and she wouldn't have to do it anymore. If she just handed me over she could be free from it all."

I turn towards John, who is sitting farther back in his seat. He is writing quicker and erasing every few words. I'm going to fuck this man's mind up. He offered though.

"As my mom tried leaving that disgusting apartment of ours, I ran after her. I didn't want to be left alone with those men. Especially one who beat the shit out of me for fun. But you know what she did?" I snap. "She told them to make sure I'm made good use of. Who says that about their child!?" I shout.

"You need to calm down Christian." John says. "You don't want to get worked up."

I run a hand over my chest and walk to the couch. She cared about herself more than her damn child. She should have never been given the opportunity to have been set free. She should have been treated just like I was. A damn animal. I fucking hate her.

"As soon as she fucking left, the pimp handed me over to the man I never even met and let him test me out. He wanted to make sure that I would be good merchandise." I say dramatically, using quotes. "He made sure more than I wanted him too."

That's why I hated my birthday. It's not because people want to get strippers for me or get me drunk. But it's the memories that are brought on by that day. It makes me sick. Every birthday all I ever think is why the fuck was I given a life if I wasn't wanted in the first place? My mom never wanted me, so what's the point. That's why I usually stay in bed all day while everyone else tried getting me out. No one would understand unless they went through this.

"Christian, I know it's rough reliving this." John says. "But I need you to explain how you felt when your mom left." I flinch.

When I look at him I don't see any sign of sympathy. I know he's just trying to help me, but I don't think I can do that. Just throwing my emotions out in the open isn't something I do. It's better to keep them bottled up for me and just laugh all the time. I rather make people smile than have them ask about my problems.

"Well Christian?" John asks me again. Shit, he's going to push me today isn't he?

"Damn it John, I was four years old." I stand up. "How would any other four year old feel if their mother abandoned them so that she could have a life while her child is being raped and abused every fucking day by different men?" I ask him.

"I honestly don't know Christian." he takes off his glasses with a small sigh. "Go on, this time tell me how _**you**_ felt."

"All I did was cry for her. I wanted her to take it away." I put my hand against my mouth then move it quickly. I can't cry anymore for this woman. I just can't. "She never did though. When she left, it felt as if I deserved all of the abuse afterwards." I finally say.

"Why?" John asks me.

"Because if I wasn't worth being protected, then what was I worth?" I shrug. "Just a profit for those assholes and a sick fuck toy." John leans forward and pulls out a handkerchief, handing it to me. I just look at it. "I don't fucking need it."

Slowly putting his hand back down, he puts it back in the side of his jacket. After taking a look at his notes, he brings a hand to his chin. He looks deep in thought, as if trying to be careful with what he says next.

"Do you think if your mom stayed it would have changed what happened to you?"

I always used to think about this. My mom wasn't the protective type. She was the one to always to watch over herself before anyone else. When she had stolen drugs she had blamed me and said I had thought it was candy and that's why I was so damn sick. So while I had the flu the pimp beat the shit out of me harder than usual that time.

"I want to say that it would have been different." I stop. "But it would have just been the same."

"You did very well today Christian." John appraises me. "So the man you knocked unconscious yesterday was the man-"

"Yes John. It was." I clench my teeth. "And before you ask what I felt when I saw him, I wanted to kill him John. If it weren't for you, I would have." I tell him honestly. "Can we stop talking now? I think I gave you more than enough information for several days." I ask him. My head is starting to hurt.

"Yes, but tomorrow morning at seven thirty again." he orders. I groan. "Sorry, Christian, but your life is a Rollercoaster. I can't miss any of the loops. They might be important for your progress, got it?" I nod. "If it gets too much for you though tell me. Now I'm going to go call my bitchier clients back in Seattle." that causes me to laugh.

We walk back into the kitchen and I see Ana and Gracie at the table eating breakfast. Gracie's mouth is full of cereal and Ana is peaking up every few seconds as she writes down a few things.

I walk over to them and give Gracie a kiss on the cheek, sitting by her high chair. John nods his head toward the bedroom, hinting that's where he's going to be talking to those annoying clients of his.

When Ana looks up, she frowns. "Christian, what's wrong?" she asks. What's she talking about?

"What? Nothings wrong."

"You're lying. You've been crying." my eyes fall on John right as he turns to walk out. He purses his lips then finally leaves. "Did John upset you?"

"Really Ana?" I smirk. "I'm a grown man. I may act like a child at time but I can take care of myself."

"Then why were you crying?" she asks, worried. "Christian, why are you crying?" her voice gets softer, but she sounds worried. Shit, I'm not supposed to be crying.

"Didn't know I was." I chuckle, wiping my hands over my face, feeling the tears on the palms of my hand. I get up from my seat beside Gracie and make sure to keep my face away from her, remembering what John said about how she can sense how I feel. "I'm going to lay down."

"Christian…" I ignore her and walk down the hallway finding my bedroom. She needs to stay with Gracie. Her daddy's acting like more of a child than she is.

I strip my clothes off as I walk to my bathroom. When I walk in I turn the shower all the way to scalding hot. I feel cold enough right now. Running my hand under the water, it still doesn't feel hot enough. It will have to do though. I step underneath the water and keep my thoughts on things other than my past.

Right when I think of Ana, the pimps damn minion runs in my mind.

I slide down the shower wall. Maybe I can't do this. Just one mention of my past brings back the memories at full force and they take over. No, I can't do this. I can't. I fucking can't.

I bury my face in my hands and just sob. Damn it. Why did I have to bring up my past? Was it for the best?

All I see is his face and hands near me. Touching me. I want my mom. I want Grace.

I hear the shower doors slide open. I panic. It's just like last time.

But before I can shout, I watch Ana step inside and close the door behind her. She kneels down beside me and pulls me close to her, rocking me against her. It causes me to cry harder. I fucking give up and pull her on my lap, laying my head on hers.

"Is Gracie okay?" I choke. Ana curls deeper into my chest and sighs.

"She's perfectly fine." she says. "I knew something was wrong so I had Mia watch her. I know it's private but you can always come to me for comfort Christian. You can come to any of us." she kisses my neck. "There's no reason to be alone."

She says there's no reason to be alone, but people attack you with attention at each angle even though at points you need to breathe at times. I understand what she is trying to tell me but I still don't have the feeling that she's trying to push on me. The feeling that I should be having with my family, but instead I feel like the black sheep.

"Then why do feel so alone." I whisper.


	14. Chapter 14

**Ana**

Christian was finally able to get up and make it out of the shower after I told him the water was getting cold. I didn't want him to start freezing as well while he was feeling pain.

But as I tried to pull away from him he just tightened his grip on me. So I stopped moving. Whatever made him happy I would do for him. He lifted us off the ground and turned off the shower, and just walked us to the bedroom. He didn't even bother to dry us off or anything.

He pulled the covers back and layed me down, crawling in beside me pulling me close to him. After that he just started crying again. What's going on with him? I can't handle not knowing what's causing him pain. And the worst part is that he feels alone. That actually made me cry with him.

The man I love shouldn't feel alone especially when he has all of us. People who care so much about him. I just wish I knew why he felt like this. I won't push for an answer from him though.

"Christian?" I ask. He's finally stopped crying and his face is buried in my neck. I am rubbing my hand along his chest with my leg hooked around his hip. He hasn't talked in awhile and it's starting to worry me.

"Yes?" he answers quietly.

"You know what you said about feeling alone?"

"Yeah. Don't try to push me Ana. It's not going to make me feel any fucking different." I kiss the top of his head. I can't wait for these surgeries to be over so we can go back to Seattle.

"I know Christian." I pull away from him and sit up, looking down at him. His eyes are so swollen and red from crying and it's killing me to see his pain. "Do you want to know something?"

"Depends on what it is?" he runs his hands up and down my arms.

"You can't remember it yet, but before Leila almost killed you I-" I frown and so does he. "I-"I take a deep breath. I don't know how he's going to react. "I love you so much Christian and I promise that you are not alone."

He just looks up at me, his expression blank. Fuck, I hope I didn't make things worse. That's not what I wanted. I just wanted for to let him know that I loved him, because right now he's lost. What if this just made it worse for him though?

His eyes suddenly soften and a small smile tugs at the corners. He runs his fingers through my hair and brings my face down to his. All of a sudden he stops, and quickly pushes me away. His face has suddenly become pale and he has turned away from me.

"Christian, it's okay." I put my hand on his cheek, but when he flinches I quickly pull away.

"Ana…" Christian shakes his head. "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." I say again. "How about you get some rest while I go and take care of Gracie."

"No, I'm sick of staying in my room. I want to see my daughter." I watch him take a deep breath. "I'll be out in a little while."

I climb off of him and grab a towel, wrapping it around my body and head out of his room. I walk to my room to grab a pair of clothes before heading back into the living room.

When I walk out I see everyone, besides the actual guys who own the place, here. Those two are in Philadelphia right now because of one of their cases, and they said we could stay here during the time. We had gotten the place cleaned up so thankfully we don't have to worry about Gracie putting anything dangerous in her mouth.

Luke and Elliot are trying to make her laugh right now by making faces, but she just looks bored. I can't help but laugh. That's when they notice me. The guys just ignore me and keep trying to make her laugh.

Mia, Kate, and Hannah are sitting at the bar in the kitchen talking to one another. I walk over to them and take a seat across from them. They look surprised to see me.

"Wow, what are you doing out here?" Mia asks.

"Yeah, we figured you'd be with Christian." Hannah says. I sigh.

"He's going to be out soon. He just needs a minute." I explain.

"What's wrong with him?" Kate asks.

"I really don't know." I run my fingers along the countertop. "He won't even let me touch him Kate." I whisper.

"Just give him time Ana. It seems like the talk with John really messed him up today." she says. "Just wait."

"I will."

I hear footsteps coming down the hallway and when I look up I see Christian talking to John. The two stop at the entrance and John puts a hand on Christian's shoulder and I see that he's telling him something. Christian just nods but then drops his face in his hands.

Out of the corner of my eye I watch Justin get up and walk over to them. John tries to stop him, but Justin just slaps his hand away. The two brothers stand there comforting him, something Christian won't let me do right now. Well at least Christian is finally understanding that he isn't alone. That he will always have someone.

Or maybe that's the problem. He wants to be alone. I guess it's time to talk to John about Christian.

 **I know it's a short chapter, but I needed to add Ana's POV a little, right?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Christian**

John and Justin go down to the office to talk, I'm guessing it's either about me or about stuff back at home. I'm hoping it's the latter. I really don't want to be their problem right now. I'm always tired of being everyone's problem because that means I'm taking time away from their actual work or keeping them away from their family. That just can't do either.

I walk in and notice that Gracie has an annoyed look on her face. Luke and El keep messing with her and it seems to be pissing her off. She finally stands up and just walks away from them, causing me to laugh. The guys look offended by her departure. Hell, I would be annoyed by their asses as well.

I walk over to Gracie and sit in front of her as she plays with her coloring coloring book is of shapes and letters. I hold my hand out for a crayon and she hands me the blue one she's already using, then picks up a purple one for herself.

I poke at one of her copper curls with the crayon, and she looks up at me. A smirk appears on the left side of her lips. I can't help but smirk back. That's my baby girl. That part of Ana I saw yesterday has now disappeared and all I see is myself, as if I'm looking in a mirror. I already love this girl so much.

"You know," I hold up the crayon. "this is mine and your mommy's favorite color." she just stares at me. "When I was eight, I used to have a blue bike I would ride whenever I could." she stops drawing and keeps listening. "It had a horn on it. So whenever I was near, people would always hear beep beep _."_ I bend down and kiss her nose.

I remember that bike. I kept some of the money that each client gave me and after awhile I was able to afford the bike I had seen chained outside of Walmart. I had made sure to hide it far away from the apartment so that the pimp wouldn't find out that I had bought it. He would had found out that I had taken money and bought something for myself. Something he hated.

I was only able to enjoy it for a few weeks though, because when I had went to put my bike back in its place the pimps minion saw me. He threw me and my bike in his car and drove to the apartment. When we had gotten there the pimp was waiting with a sledgehammer. He took it to my bike while the other asshole gripped me by my hair, forcing me to keep my eyes open so that I could watch my dreams being damaged in front of me. After the damage to my bike was done the the real torture began, and that's when I promised myself to never take money or get anything for myself again.

Gracie puts her hands on both my cheeks and kisses me. I hear a loud 'Aw' come from the side of us but I ignore them. She lets go of me and just stares. Right now I wish she would get back to her coloring because it's like she can see all of me. A child.

"I love you too, Gracie." I tell her, putting her on my lap. "I've been watching how your uncles have been trying to get you to talk." she lays her head against my chest. I actually hear her sigh, causing me to chuckle. "They've been annoying you, haven't they?"

I watch her lip pucker out. She nods then looks over to the side where El and the guys are. As if he can feel her eyes, Elliot turns our way.

"What did I do now?" he throws his hands up.

"Seems like you're irritating her El." I laugh. He looks shocked.

"Yeah right, I'm the better uncle."

"Ha!" Luke says dramatically. "I'm the better uncle."

I look over at Ethan, who just keeps his eyes on the TV ignoring the two idiots. He's more than likely the better uncle. Who am I kidding. There is no better uncle. I can already tell that Gracie loves all of them more than anything.

"Would all of you stop. Gracie doesn't care." I look down at her. "Do you?"

She lays her cheek against my chest. "No."

"Told you guys."

All of the guys mouths have fallen open. They are all staring at Gracie in shock. What?

"Girls! Get in here!" Ethan shouts.

"Why?" Kate sounds annoyed.

"Babe, just get in here!" El says irritated.

"Damn. One second."

The girls come out from the kitchen and into the living room. They all frown when they see me with Gracie. I guess Ana told them about my reaction earlier. I wouldn't blame her especially when she has no one else but them to talk too.

When my eyes fall on Ana, she has a big smile on her face. She walks over to Gracie and I, but instead of sitting on the ground by us she sits on the couch across from me and her.

"Okay, now why did you interrupt us talking?" Hannah asks.

I just shrug. The guys give me a what the fuck look. "Jesus Christ, What?"

Ethan rolls his eyes and turns towards the girls with a big smile on his face. "Guess who said their first word?" Then it finally hits me.

"Oh my God baby girl I'm sorry." I look down at her. "I had gotten so caught up in talking to you myself that I had forgotten that it was your first word."

"Okay, I'm loving this." Mia whispers.

"I know." Hannah says. "So what was the word?"

"No." Luke tells her.

"I didn't teach her that." I state quickly causing everyone to laugh.

"No." Gracie mumbles, pulling on my beard.

"Do you not like it?" I chuckle. She stays quiet. Wow… "Do you want me to get rid of it?" come on sweetheart. One more.

"No." damn. I wanted at least one more word from her.

"Who knew that she just needed her daddy to bring out her voice." Ana says.

"No, she just needed all of her family." I sigh.

 **Gracie and Christian both are finally opening up and it's together.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Christian**

I'm sitting at the breakfast bar eating a sandwich.

Ana had put Gracie down for a nap just a few minutes ago since baby girl fell asleep in my arms as we were just watching TV. John was right about her. She would only let me hold her if I was sitting down. It's like she doesn't want me to hurt myself. My baby is so smart, and it had taken all of us being here for her to say her first word. I can't keep the smile off my face.

"Christian?" I hear Ana's voice behind me.

I scoot my plate away and close my eyes. John had told me to just take a few calm breaths and think of what it was like after the abuse and pimping. He told me to think of my new family and how I was welcomed. How I was loved. If I start going back to a darker place he told me to come find him, or maybe that I should just keep to myself.

I didn't understand why he wanted me to keep to myself. Shouldn't psychiatrist be pushing their patients to move forward and be giving themselves comfort from families? That's at least what I remember from the hospital when I worked with mom.

After taking in a few breaths, I think about the time the guys and I gave our first concert. Mom and dad were so proud of us. As long as we finished high school, didn't do drugs, or become alcoholics they were fine with it. They wanted us to follow our dreams and it made them happy that they could follow along with us. For a little while. The smile on their faces as we dedicated it all to them. Mom blew a kiss to us and dad actually blushed, causing mom to laugh that night. I miss her so much. This memory's special to me and I'm thankful I never lost it.

I turn towards Ana and see that she's changed into a pair of blue jeans that shows off that round ass of hers and a t-shirt that hugs her breast. Goddammit Ana.

"What's wrong?" I ask when I see the frown on her face.

"How did you know my favorite color?" she asks. That's why she's upset?

"I thought you told me." she shakes her head. "I don't know then, but I remember you telling me. Wait, why does it matter?"

"Because I told you my favorite color the day we told the guys and girls they were allowed to sleep with each other."

"How can you remember that?" I ask dumbfounded. She has an amazing memory.

"Because that was an amazing day, well, besides the first night we fucked." she chuckles. "So?"

I raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"What else do you think you know about me?" she walks over to me and sits in the stool beside me. "If you figure out a few things then I'll tell you about the first night we fucked."

"Wait," I stare at her. "you mean the night-" she cuts me off.

"Where we gave everyone freedom to fuck, but they didn't know about us fucking." she tells me. A small smile creeps across her lips. "So?"

Shit. We have barely talked about anything. I've been so caught up in touching her damn body that I really wasn't focused. The only time I've ever payed attention was after my session with John, and that's because I was emotionally vulnerable. I also keep my attention focused when she talks about Gracie, so that I don't miss anything important.

Other than that, I haven't been able to getting around to paying attention to her actual words. I don't want to sound like a complete dick, but this woman is so goddamn gorgeous and amazing with Gracie that that's the only thing that I've been able to focus on. The two are perfect.

Why didn't I fucking pay attention…

"What could I know?" she shrugs. I groan, irritated. "At least give me a hint."

"This should be fun." she smiles. "What's my favorite candy."

"Milky way." I say automatically. Her smile widens. "I'm guessing I got it correct?" she nods.

"What is my favorite thing to do?"

"You love to read." I frown, looking through the window above the sink.

"Are you sure?" she asks. I roll my eyes.

"Of course I'm sure." I scoff. "You always used to be in the library with your head buried in a book until your ass vanished in high school." I put my elbows on the counter and rest my chin on my hand. Can't she remember, or is she teasing me? I look over and notice Ana staring at me in shock. "What's wrong?"

"What's the most embarrassing thing I've ever done." she narrows her eyes. "This is something I've only told you."

I grin. "The boy you were about to fuck caught you masturbating to a picture of me."

She gapes at me. Then grabs my face, looking straight at me. "Do you fucking realize what you just did?" she asks me. I shrug. "You remembered Christian. You fucking remembered."

"Remembered what?" I sigh, causing her to groan. "Don't you owe me a story?"

"Not yet."

"Oh come the fuck on!" I whine. "It's not like you know everything about me."

"I kinda do." she crosses her arms in defiance. Okay, I'm starting to not like her.

"Really? What's my favorite candy?"

"Reese cup." she answers.

"Favorite thing to do?" she begins to laugh. What's so funny? "What?"

"Well, I asked you that and you just grabbed my breast hinting at sex. Then when I said my favorite thing to do was reading you talked about your mom buying you books." she shrugs. "So I'm guessing sex and reading."

What the fuck… how can I miss a memory like this?

"What was my most embarrassing moment?" more like scariest. Ana begins to laugh.

"When you ran bare assed through a thorn bush after wrecking and you lost your clothes. Your mom almost killed you that night." she giggles. "You had to actually call Elliot for me to believe you when you told me."

"I can't believe I actually told you that." she nods. "Okay, here's something only the guys knew. Who was my first crush?" I lean back and smirk at her.

She pulls out her phone and begins swiping at the screen. What the fuck? Aren't we supposed to be talking right now? But she holds up her phone, turning it around. I feel my heart clench. Anastasia.

"Is this your first crush?" she asks. I nod slowly. "You'd be surprised what a simple guy breaking you could do. I lost the weight and my acne cleared up. I still couldn't believe you were going to ask me out the day I left."

I just keep looking at the picture. The day I wanted to ask her out and she wasn't there flashes into my mind. I was heart broken. Then I remember why. I remember laying by Ana, talking about our reasons for forming a band. I remember her telling how Garrett hurt her and what he did to her. All I wanted to do was kick his ass right then and there.

I even told her about Jazz and Garrett. It wasn't even that guy's fault. He looked drunk out of his mind and didn't know what he was doing. But when I told Ana about what I did to Jazz she didn't look surprised, like it would be something she would do as well. I guess that's why we were good in the beginning.

"You're right."I tell her. "I remember. I still can't believe you're her."

"I can't believe you wanted to ask me out."

"You were and still are gorgeous." I shake my head as I remember those kids who viciously attacked her each day. "People are just assholes."

"Thank you Christian." she smiles.

"Maybe you can help me remember." I say. "That was amazing. Besides the clear picture I had gotten of it." she frowns.

"What's wrong?"

What's wrong? What's wrong? This woman was curled up next to me naked. Then I have a perfect view of her breast and my mouth on them as I crawled on top of her. This whole remembering thing is going to be tough if I have flashes of Ana's naked body popping in my head and I can't have sex for at least four months. Like what the fuck.

"Nothing. Oh, and you know what? I don't need you to tell me about our first time fooling around." I watch her eyes run down my body.

"Need help with that?" I watch her tongue run across her lower lip. Oh fuck me…

 **Pieces of the puzzle are coming back.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Ana**

Everyone is in bed right now, but I just can't seem to find it in me to keep my eyes closed. I'm full of energy right now because of what Christian was capable of doing today. He actually remembered part of our relationship and he was happy about it, or at least I think he was. I'm just thankful he didn't stomp off towards his room.

When I saw how the memory affected him, I couldn't keep a proud smile off my face. At least it was a good memory for him and not something that would have terrified him or had brought back awful memories. I'm just disappointed that he wouldn't let me help him with his problem.

He still doesn't want me touching him…

I'm brought out of my inner turmoil when I hear footsteps coming down the hall. John appears at the end and doesn't take notice of me until he is a few feet away from the couch. He jumps back when he sees me.

"Jesus fucking christ!" he puts a hand to his chest. "Can you like give me a hint that you're in here next time?"

"Um, no?" I chuckle. He glares at me. "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"If it's about Christian," he walks over and falls on the cushion beside me, "the answers no."

"Come on John!" I whine. "He was completely broken after he talked to you. I've never seen him cry like that before."

"Ana, you know I can't tell you." he sighs.

"Why does he feel alone?" I ask. "Can you at least tell me that? Does it have to do with his mom?"

All he does is stare at me. "If you want to know, you ask him. It's not my place to tell. " Then his face turns serious. "But I will say this Ana. Don't push him. We don't want him to be emotionally unstable."

"It's hard John." he looks at me. "I constantly want to keep asking him if he's okay and if he needs me. I'm afraid I'll fuck things up just as they're getting better."

"Ana, you have to understand that what he's going through is more complicated than what you know. Yes, I may not be able to explain the situation of Christian to anyone else but I will say that everyone needs to keep their distance." it's like he's giving an order. "Christian doesn't need to be overwhelmed by the emotional impact surrounding him. I know that you love him Ana, but you must realize that it takes time."

I know it does, and now I feel fucking terrible for constantly smothering Christian. John's right. Maybe he does need the space.

"Thank you for telling me this John. I didn't want to fuck things up too much." I try to smile which causes him to sigh.

"Don't overthink this Ana. Just listen to what I said." he says getting up.

I watch him get up and walk into the kitchen. A few moments later he comes back carrying a bottle of water. He waves towards me and shuffles to his room.

As I listened to John, I noticed how his face contorted at certain parts of our conversation. He looked uncertain, uncomfortable, and upset with himself or something that I couldn't point out. It might have had to do with Christian because when I asked him what I could do and told him how broken he was, John put on a mask and shut down.

John usually isn't like this, which is why I'm scared. I really need to know if Christian is okay…

 **This is a very very short chapter, I needed Ana to get an understanding from John about what's going on without John telling her Christian's private life.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Christian**

"Okay Christian, we haven't talked in two days about where you left off." John says. "I wanted you to feel more comfortable explaining your past with me. Are you ready to continue?"

Since my last session with John, we haven't talked much about my past before I was adopted by the Grey's. He hasn't even mentioned it to me which was confusing me to no end. I thought that's what he was helping me fight through. Wanted me to conquer my fears, but instead he pushed my mind into better times. John wanted me to talk about my past but only the one with my adoptive family. He wanted me to explain how grateful I was for them. I have to say, it did calm me down and relieve the stress. Thinking about Grace always made things better for me, pushing the pain from my heart when I think about _them._

These sessions are even longer because it's like we are actually friends hanging out instead of him just crawling inside of my mind. John and I are close but during these times things are serious. I understand why he thinks he needs to earn my trust. I could barely trust him in the beginning, but now he's like one of my band mates. Him and Justin both.

Now it's time to see if I can do it again. I already explained the beginning of it all. I guess that was the hardest part because explaining to him how my birth mom abandoned me ruined many things. Talking about it was harder than I thought. I loved her, and I thought I was over it. Guess not.

I look up at John. "Yeah. I'm ready."

He looks down at his notes and flips through the pages, but suddenly stands up and walks over to the desk. We're in the office now and we decided that it's best to talk in here in case anybody was to hear us on the balcony. Especially when it's by the kitchen. Luckily these walls are soundproof.

He pulls out another booklet and walks back over and takes a seat, grabbing a pen. I can see that he's written a lot down and even scratched out multiple things. He looks up at me and cocks his head.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, putting an ankle over the top of his knee. What am I thinking about besides the fact that…

"I'm thinking about how I might still love my birth mom." I whisper. Yet again, John doesn't look fazed. All he does is tap the back tip of his pen to his temple.

"Why do you say that?" he asks. "The other day didn't you say you hated her?"

"Yes, but why would I cry over her if I didn't love her?" I ask.

"Christian, right now you are forcing yourself to love someone you don't. I'm not saying that you don't love her, because you might. You're replacing love with hatred. I can identify it by your features." John states. "Crying is usual behavior when someone is grieving about their past. You had shown that. But I'm not telling you how you feel Christian. I'm just explaining the process."

"I guess you're right." those tears were for the feelings of abandonment. Of losing someone you thought you trusted as they were throwing you into the depths of hell. I don't love this woman, I loathe her. The only women I ever thought of my mother's were Lilly and Grace and they're the only one's I will love. "Thanks for explaining that to me. Or I would have kicked my own ass if I kept thinking it."

He chuckles, "It happens a lot with victims Christian. Some think that even though that they say these cruel words and beat them that it's alright. They think it's fine because they love that person and they don't want to let that one person down, even though that one particular other doesn't have feelings for them." John contemplates. "When someone is desperate to feel loved they will take anything anyone has to offer. You are different. You mask your true feelings behind this fake persona just so you can keep others happy."

I scoff. "No I don't." he rolls his eyes.

"Yes you do."

"Why the fuck does it matter if I do?" I ask. "I keep a smile on my face. Everyone else is happy."

"Are you happy? Christian you need to make yourself more jocular before anyone else. It's easy to fall into a depression if all you do is hide behind a wall."

"I understand. I'll work on it John."

"Okay. Now getting past, are you ready to talk about where we left off?" I nod. "Okay, we left off where you told me how you felt about your mother leaving you with them. It's time to move on from that. What happened next?"

What happened to me next is something else that's hard to speak aloud. I trust John not to say anything to anyone else and when I explain my life to him he doesn't have pity in his eyes. Something I hate. He's helping me though, so I guess I need to stop being a little bitch and tell him.

"Well, everything was basically the same for the next year and a half. They wanted me to gain weight and grow so they could make a better profit off of me. The man who was working along side the pimp "trained" me. When I was good enough for the next client, no bruises or broken bones, he would send me to them. He made good on his threats when I tried to hide from any of them. The beatings had gotten worse when the clients would complain about how I wouldn't fight back hard enough." I close my eyes. "But when I started fighting back against the wrong client they would drug me. I can remember my whole body being numb as they did whatever they wanted to me. I could hear them. I could see what they were doing and there was nothing I could do."

Being almost six and being tortured and raped by multiple men isn't something I thought would ever happen in this world. At that age, my mind thought that there were heroes who could save me from the hell I was in at that time. I was wrong though. They knew how to keep me hidden from sight so I wouldn't be found by anyone who tried to help me.

"What happened next Christian?" John asks. "At any time did you ever feel safe."

Safety is something I never had when I was little, and it seems that right now that I don't have it either. The only safety I ever had when I was little was this one woman. She tried to protect me, but it didn't turn out the way we both wanted it to go.

"When I was eight, the pimp said there was this really rich client that wanted a young boy to take advantage of. The pimp started to scare me when he mentioned chains and whips, that she would hurt me more than he did. I wanted to fight but I knew that my ass would be in more trouble than it already was. So he tied me up and threw me in the van, driving towards the woman's house." I sigh.

"When we got there I noticed that we pulled up to a mansion and that a woman, maybe in her late twenties, was standing on the stairs. She was really pretty. Beautiful actually. I was just too terrified to think about that at the time. But her face was serious and it made me nervous, especially when the pimp said those horrible things."

I lay my head back and close my eyes. Bastard. I can't believe him and his men. They're fucking evil bastards. Why am I blaming them though? It's partially my fault.

"Do you need a break Christian? We can stop anytime you'd like." John says.

"I'm fine." I take a deep breath.

"Okay, when the pimp left and you two finally went inside what happened?" I smile.

"I was so used to being kicked, punched, slapped, fucked and spit on but what she'd done surprised me. She hugged me. This woman pulled me to her as soon as she shut the door and hugged me. I wasn't used to it so I just stood there and cried while she kept saying sweet words. She wanted to help me and take my pain away and she did. It took me awhile to trust her and stop flinching every time she hugged me or patted me on the back but I was finally able to trust her after a week of her asking the pimp for me. She was my best friend and the best part was that she never even touched me inappropriately, not even when I showered. It was the best weeks of my life." That was an amazing woman. I still can't believe she did that. Especially for some boy like me.

"Do you know where she is now?" John asks.

"She's dead. Goddammit." I snatch the handkerchief out of John's hand. "We were supposed to finally leave on the day everything happened. Fly to London where her husband was. She told him everything and he was worried, telling her to quickly get the two of us over there before something happened. As we finished packing, the pimp and three other men busted through the doors and grabbed us. The pimp told the three men to do whatever they wanted to her while he took care of me. I saw one guy rip her shirt off while the other was beating her. She didn't make a sound though. All she did was look at me and mouthed the words 'I love you'. I was so mad. So pissed off that I couldn't take it anymore. The pimp was taking a person I loved from me." I grit my teeth.

"So since the pimp had me held underneath him there was only thing I could do. I kneed him in the dick and he fell over. I ran over to the men who were attacking her and threw my body at one of them. The guy should have hired better help, it's sad if an eight year old could take his ass down. Anyways, before I could do anything else, someone grabbed me by my hair and pulled me away. It was the pimp and the second he pulled out his gun I knew what he was doing. So I told her I loved her before he shot her in the head."

"What did they do to you after that Christian?" he asks.

I can feel my breakfast from this morning quickly coming up. I run over to the waste bin beside the desk and empty my stomach.

The moment after he shot her was the worse torture I think I ever received. The pimp told me I was going to regret what I had done to him and during that time I did. They wanted me to do stuff to her dead body while they recorded it. If I didn't they would shoot me, stab me, rape me, break my bones, anything to make me break basically. So I ended up with two bullet wounds, and my back is still covered in scars from where they used the knife on me. My body was broken that day, but I wasn't going to do something that repulsive. She was the woman who I looked up to as a mother. Not some scum. I just wish the look of her dead eyes would leave my mind.

"I don't think I want to talk about that today." I say quietly.

"Christian, how about we stop for the day." John says. "And stay in here this time so you can calm down before going out there."

"Thanks John, but I was just going to take a shower and lay down." he glares at me. "I swear."

"If you need anything and can't find me just text me. Understand?" I nod. "Your surgery is tomorrow so no sessions for several days."

I stand up and walk over to the door. When I walk out I feel annoyed with myself. I need to get my emotions under control. John is right about opening up about my past but I need to stay strong. Getting myself worked up isn't going to help anything.


	19. Chapter 19

**Christian**

Climbing out of the shower, I start to dry myself off.

The thoughts of Lilly and those assholes still invade my mind. Usually when I would think of my past I would just drink. It helped me on so many occasions to block out the pain of it all that it would take awhile before I'd even get close to being drunk. Sad thing is, I started drinking when I was nine. I stole one of the pimps liquor bottles since he stole something precious of mine and just threw the shit back. I knew he wouldn't kill me when he found me drunk, because I was his best profit. He only beat the living hell out of me. Since my body was numb, I didn't feel a thing. So alcohol was my way out.

I can't fucking drink anymore though. That was my promise to Grace. She never cared about me drinking from time to time but when she saw me that day she saved me she made sure I wouldn't go back to my old ways.

I wrap the towel around my waist and walk over to the mirror. Wiping the mist away with my hand, I look at my reflection. Who would ever love me? That's all I ever heard from the pimp was that I was a disgrace and that no one would ever love a piece of shit like me. That's why my birth mom left me. I tried to ignore him because I wanted to think of Lilly but maybe he's right. My body is damaged because of him. I was drinking at the age of nine and doing drugs by ten. Maybe the people around me just feel sorry for me.

I run a hand over my face and groan. I really need to stop overthinking this shit.

I walk over to the door and step out of the bathroom. As soon as I step out I stop in my tracks. Over by the closet is Ana on her knees looking through a suitcase only wearing a blue lace bra and thong. Shit, I need to go back in the bathroom to get another towel. As if she can feel eyes on her, she looks up. Her eyes widen and those beautiful lips of hers part. I watch as her cheeks turn a shade of red. This is good, I can't help but smirk. I like this effect I have on her.

She quickly grabs one of my t-shirts and pulls it on. It reaches her knees, but it's still sexy that she's wearing one of my shirts showing off those beautiful legs of hers.

I don't know why I pushed her away these last couple of days. Fuck, yes I do. I couldn't touch her when all I could think of was them. Maybe Anastasia could help me through this process of healing. Maybe I need her. Something I never needed from anybody except for Lilly and Grace. Goddammit Grey.

I walk over to her but all she does is step back. She looks upset, something I don't want to cause her.

"Don't Christian." she looks down. I frown. "I don't want to cause you more pain."

I walk over and wrap my arms around her waist, memories vanish as her arms wrap around my neck and she lays her face against my chest. This woman told me she loved me and all I could do was smile and not even say it back to her. Do I love this woman? I don't know yet. All I know is that she is important to me, something Leila and those other one night stands didn't provide me.

"Just come lay with me." I pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. I can't help but bring my lips to hers. The kiss is slow and her lips are so soft that I just want to fuck her against this wall right now. Four months. Four damn months until I can have this woman…

I walk us over to the bed and lay her down, crawling in beside her leaving my towel on the ground. Her eyes run down my body and land on my most prized possession. The way she licks her lips is making me hesitate getting in bed with her. I need to keep control and not lose it when I'm around her.

As soon as she runs her hand up and down my torso I know what her goal is. I grab her wrist and look over at her, she is looking away from me and I see the corner of her mouth tilting up.

"What do you think you're doing?" I ask her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Christian. I'm just trying to enjoy my time with you."

"Bullshit." that smile in her voice said it all. "Now look at me." When she turns her head towards me it's not a smile I see across her lips, but a smirk. She looks like she's won a game that no one could succeed at.

"Now what do you think I was doing ?" she asks seductively. On instinct, I let go of her hand and let her run it along my shoulders. "That's what I thought. I've missed you Christian." she sighs, kissing my cheek. I frown.

"I've been here the whole time Anastasia." I say sitting up. "I'm sorry I pushed you away but things have been complicated with those talks with John."

"You don't have to explain things to me Christian. I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I'm happy that _you're_ here with me. I've missed this." she whispers, moving her hands higher along my neck. I put my hand on top of hers and close my eyes.

"Will you promise me something?" I ask her.

"What is it?"

"If I ever try to push you away again will you fight me?" I say quietly. "Please don't let me be alone again."

The room falls silent, and the only noise is our heavy breathing. When I open my eyes I see tears running down Anastasia's face. Is this not a promise she can keep? Now I feel like shit for making her cry. That's not what I wanted.

"I left you alone." she chokes. "I can't believe I did that."

"Anastasia, stop. I don't want you blaming yourself. It was my fault for pushing everyone away."

"Christian would you shut up and stop taking the blame." she snaps. Okay, the feistiness isn't getting rid of my other problem. "I should have taken care of you that day. Goddammit!"

She crashes her lips to mine causing a groan to escape between them. I run my hands into her hair and tighten my grip as her nails dig into my shoulders. I run my tongue along hers getting the taste of mint and cherry.

All too quickly, Anastasia pulls away. Her cheeks are flushed and pupils are dilated. Maybe if I tempt her…

"I promise to fight you if you ever push me away. When I mean fight you, I mean actually kick your ass." I laugh, causing her to smile. "I love you Christian."

I sigh. "I know you do." I bring her lips back to mine, giving them a small peck. "Maybe one day I'll be able to love you again."


	20. Chapter 20

**As all of you know, even though Christian's childhood story is fake, it's happening to many children out in the world today. So if you know anyone who is in need of help, be a Lilly and keep their abuse a secret. Just don't put your life on the line as you do it. Thank you.**

 **CTHEWOODS** **: Don't worry about them going back to Seattle. I'm getting to that point really soon.**

 **Christian**

We're at the hospital getting ready for the surgery. The doctor came in here to tell us that the surgeon was getting the operating room ready and as soon as he's ready I'll be wheeled out. It's been almost thirty minutes since he's been gone, so everyone is kind of antsy at the moment. Well, besides me.

John told me that I needed to stay positive. Keeping positivity in my life will keep my mind on the right track and off the thoughts that I'm trying to push away. He also said that I didn't need to build up stress before my surgery. I'm thankful he told me that.

As I look around everyone has a nervous expression written across their faces. Luckily for us, the doctor let all of the family come back before I went under. They wanted to spend time with me in case something happened to me, like losing more of my memory. When they said that I knew they meant something else. They meant in case I passed away or ended up in a coma. I may have done some stupid shit, but I know when someone is lying to me. Just tell me the truth.

Then I realized they wanted to keep thinking I would be okay. The thought of losing me again is probably killing them.

I feel someone grab my hand. When I come out of it I realize Anastasia is trying to get my attention. She has a small smile on her face but I can still see pain in her eyes. My eyes fall on Gracie as she squirms out of her mother's hold and crawls into my arms. I chuckle and pull Ana onto the bed with me.

"Can all of you stop spewing shit out of your asses?" I ask them while covering Gracie's ears. "Everything is going to be fine."

"Chris, we're scared that something's going to happen." Ethan says as he holds on to that Mia chick. I need to get to know those girls.

"You said some other serious stuff happened, right?" everyone nods. "If I'm not dead yet, then think positive. You can't always think like this. I'm staying with you all of you." my eyes fall on John. "No matter how tough everything gets."

He smiles with his eyes cast down. That's the sad thing about having to keep everyone else's dark secrets; their dark secrets can sometimes eat away from the depths of your soul without you ever knowing it. I don't know why anyone would ever want to be a Psychiatrist. I think it would cause them more pain than the actual person going through the process of it all. Maybe the person who chooses that career just doesn't know what their getting themselves into.

"Bro, we're going to be scared either goddamn way. It doesn't matter if you died several times. Each one counts." Elliot snaps. "I swear it's like death has something against you!"

"Okay guys, Christians right." I look over at Anastasia. "The doctor even said that they could remove most of the tumor so this could most likely be the last surgery."

"I guess the medication worked." Justin says. "I may be a cardiologist, but I'll be in there to help them in case anything goes wrong."

"I thought friends or family weren't allowed." I say. He grins.

"Were friends? Well shit." that gets the mood in the room to brighten. "I didn't trust that doctor. You were right. That guy was creepy as hell."

"Told you. Taylor can vouch for me." I nod towards Taylor.

"Trust me, no need. I had called in some of the men and women from Seattle Grace though. Their the ones who worked with your mom. You might know them."

"Probably. I knew most of the surgeons and psychiatrist there."

"Now all of you know he'll be in good hands." Justin says.

I watch all of the guys turn around and drag their girls with them, dropping their asses on the couch in the room. All of them look more relaxed after what Justin had just said but when I look over at Anastasia she still looks worried. She's turned towards the window that's staring out the city, ignoring everyone. Luckily baby girl fell asleep so she doesn't have to worry about any of this.

I grab Ana's hand, running my thumb over it. "What's wrong?" I ask quietly. No answer. "Ana?"

"Do you really think I can go through this again? Losing you?" she turns towards me, then I suddenly realize that she's crying. "I can't Christian. It's already hard having you not remember me or her, but I can't lose all of you. So don't say it's not a big deal because it is, for all of us. Even if you didn't die you lost memories of maybe the best months of your life. Can't you understand that?" she asks quietly so that she doesn't upset anyone else.

I pull Anastasia closer and as soon as I do she starts crying into the crook of my neck. I rock both her and Gracie in my arms as Ana calms down. She clings onto my neck as if I'm about to leave her forever. With the time I've spent with her so far, I know I'd never do that. Not to her or Gracie.

I'm an addict and Ana's my addiction.

As Ana starts calming the sliding glass doors start to open and the creep comes through. Clipboard in hand and a big smile on his face, he takes a seat by the bed. I scoot me and the girls away a bit. I hear chuckling and see Taylor trying to hold back a laugh. Right now I don't care, I flip the fucker off. But I get a slap on the hand from Ana.

"Are you ready? The OR is set up and they're ready to take you back." he tells me. I nod.

"Let's get this over with. I just want to get back home." I sigh.

"I understand." he says. "How about all of you head back home. This operation will take awhile maybe sixteen hours since the team is trying to get the rest of the tumor out."

"I'll call you guys." Justin tells everyone. The doctor glares at him, but Justin just gives a smug grin. Oh shit, not while I'm under.

"Can I walk to the doors as you take him?" Ana asks. Justin throws his hands in the air and throws an arm around the man's shoulder.

"I don't see why not!" Justin says loudly, then looks over at the other doctor. "Right?"

The man grits his teeth but covers it up with a smile then says, . "Sure, why not. Let me just go get the other transporter." then leaves. After he leaves we bust out laughing.

"Really Justin?" John laughs, holding his face. "You can't say shit about me anymore."

"What? The guy seriously is messed up. I saw that tumor in his office man. It's like I felt spiders crawling up my body." I watch him shiver which causes me to hold back another laugh.

We watch the two people who will be transporting me to the OR walk in and lift the railing to my hospital bed. Ana had gotten up and she handed Gracie, who was wide awake, off to Mia. She didn't look happy at all though. I guess you never mess with a child's nap.

When they started to wheel me out, Ana by my side, we hear someone give off a blood curling scream coming from the room.

I watch Ana's eyes widen and she quickly turns around and runs back to the room. I jump off of the bed and go back to the room but stop when I see baby girl running to me with Ana and Taylor following behind. Her face is red, tears streaming down her cheeks. She's holding out her arms for me to pick her and when I do she immediately calms down, resting her head on my chest.

What was this all about? Gracie never makes a noise. When I look up I see everyone standing in the hallway looking at us with shocked expressions on their faces. Well, except for John. Fucking know it all.

Ana walks over to us and holds her arms out for Gracie. Gracie just pushes away from her causing Ana to frown. What's going on with her? Everyone is trying to get her to go to them but she won't have any of it. She just wants to be in my arms. I'm flattered, but I need to get better for her and her mom.

I look at Gracie. "Daddy needs to get better baby. Okay?" I watch her eyes start watering. "Please don't cry, I've never seen you cry baby. What's going on?" she just wraps her arms around my neck.

"Don't worry Christian, I have her." Ana says.

I hand her over to Ana and watch as Gracie keeps screaming. She is reaching her hand out for me, and it's hard not to grab it. As soon as I turn around I hear, "Gracie no!". When I look over my shoulder I see Gracie running back to me, but what leaves her mouth breaks me.

"Daddy! No!" I hear her beg.

The way she said those words…

 _Christian…_

 _Christian…_

 _Christian…_

 _What is that? Am I actually dreaming of an angel? Mom always told me about you. She said you'd take us away from the bad man and bring us a happy life soon. It's hard to believe her though. She's a Liar, but I still love her because she loves me or at least I think she does. It's better to think she does than to think she doesn't at all. Isn't it?_

 _As soon as I open my eyes, I realize the angel isn't real. The angel is just my mom. She looks beautiful today. On other day she looks sick and dirty but today she looks healthy, or at least I think she does. Maybe it's just the makeup. I wonder if she's doing this for my birthday so we can actually go out. I'm tired of staying inside all of the time._

" _Hey baby, it's time to wake up." i hear mom say._

 _I rub my eyes and open them to see mom hovering above me. She has a big smile on her face. I smile with her. A smile like this actually means something. What if she actually paid everything up this month and we don't have a visit from the pimp? I'll actually get to spend time with my mom on my birthday!_

" _What is it mom?" I ask her. She jumps up and down on my dirty mattress._

" _Come into the living room." she says. "It's a surprise." she walks out of the room and leaves me wanting more._

" _Finally!" I jump off the mattress and throw on a shirt, then run out of the room._

 _When I run into the living room I stop dead in my tracks. Leaning against the wall is the pimp and a man who stands beside him. My eyes fall on my mom, who is standing by them as well, and she's grinning. She suddenly starts clapping._

" _Isn't he beautiful?" she just stares at me and it starts to make me uncomfortable. Especially with those two here._

" _Yes, very beautiful." says the man by the pimp. I take a step back but when I do the pimp goes to grab me, causing my mom to stop him. I gape at her. Why didn't he hit her?_

 _Mom walks over to me, crouching in front of me. "You love me, don't you Christian?" I nod. "Well, I have a perfect birthday present that can help the two of us. It's kind of like it's my birthday as well." she laughs. I glare at her._

" _What is the present?" I ask her. She smiles._

" _My freedom is your gift." she says excitedly. I look at her shocked._

" _How?" she purses her lips then looks over at the two men. No. No. No."Mommy, no. Please don't leave me with them. You promised it would always be us." I cry. I don't care if I'm four, it's not like I haven't taken worse beatings. "Why are you breaking a promise!" I sob as I grip onto her shirt as if it's my lifeline._

" _You'll learn not to talk to your mother like that boy." I look over at the pimp. I really hope he slips on one of my cars._

" _It's okay Stephen. I'm on my way out now." mom waves. She looks down at me then back at him. "Make proper use of him."_

" _Trust me," the pimp says, "we will."_

 _I feel my heart about to beat out of my chest as she walks through that door. I can't be stuck here with them. Not with a man whose beaten me my whole life and one who looks at me like… like…_

 _The pimp grabs me by my hair and starts to drag me to the room where mom used to have her special friends over. I don't want to go in this room, I know what happens in there. I can't go in this room._

" _Please don't make me go in there!" I sob. I start to hit his hand and move away from him but he won't let go._

" _I'm not the one taking you for the test run you little shit. The man over by the wall. I ain't that fucking sick." I hear someone laugh._

" _Fuck off Stephen. Shits entertaining."_

" _Whatever, just make sure the guys ready to go for the other clientele."_

 _He opens the door and tosses me in the room. I run over to the corner and try to curl up into a ball. Please just stay away. Please._

 _I hear footsteps, and then the door slams shut. I'm afraid to lift my head to even take a peek of what's going on._

" _You really think that's going to stop me boy?" a dark voice asks. Hands wrap around my arms and a scream rips through my mouth._


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry about the typo guys. I meant** **don't** **keep the abuse a secret. My apologies.**

 **John**

I watch Christian's face drain of all color. Gracie is still trying to hold onto him as Ana gently pulls her away. Her cries are still echoing through the hallway as it gets the attention of many people around us. Their pulling out their phones to get shit for the media, but that's not going to happen.

"Taylor, get Christian and take him back to the room. Also get more security to get the people who had taken pictures and confiscate their phones. You two," I point two the transporters. "bring the bed back."

The two quickly Rush back to the room and set the bed back up. Taylor carries Christian back into the room, keeping him hidden from the cameras, and puts him on the bed. When he lays him down though, Christian won't lay back. His eyes are full of fear and as soon as Taylor put him down he quickly got off the bed and ran to the corner.

We all watch as he rocks back and forth, burying his face in his knees. I look over and see everyone looking at him in shock as Christian sobs.

"Please." he whimpers. "Please!" he sobs.

"John, what's going on?" Elliot whispers quickly. "Why is this happening to him?"

"I can't tell you guys." I shake my head. "I'm guessing Gracie begging him brought it out of him. He felt like the situation was happening all over again." I run a hand over my face, how am I going to do this? I can't let this man down, especially when I'm the only person he's opened up to.

When I look up I see Gracie running back over to Christian. She's still crying and screaming for him. Something is going on. This little girl never cries and this is probably an indication that something is wrong with her father. I told Christian that children know when something is wrong.

"Gracie, no baby. You can't go near daddy." maybe…

"Put her down Ana."

"But John-"

"Maybe it will calm him down." I suggest. "Christian is just a child himself right now. She's safer with him than anyone else right now." I state.

Ana slowly lets go of Gracie and as soon as she is free, Gracie runs to Christian. She's stopped screaming and the tears have stopped but she still knows somethings wrong. She has a big frown formed across her face and takes slow steps towards him. How old is this kid again?

Gracie finally reaches Christian. She starts reaching her hand out but stops. He's still sobbing uncontrollably into his knees, not paying any attention to what's happening around him. He's having a memory, something we tried to keep him away from. I guess Gracie made him feel like the time his mother left him with those bastards for her own freedom. He's having to relive it all over again.

As Gracie gets closer, Ana starts getting scared and speaks up. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"His daughter is probably the only thing that can bring him back, Ana. Understand?" she starts crying, but nods. I know she's not crying about Gracie going near Christian, but about Christian himself. They just got him back, so it's understandable.

Gracie puts a hand on his, causing his head to snap up and him to back away. But as soon as he sees it's Gracie his eyes widen. He gently grabs her arms and looks over her then back at her shaking his head.

"What is wrong with you?" he asks. "There going to be back. Are you crazy?"

"No."

I turn my back on them and block their view. I wave everyone out the door. They all look shocked. I just shrug. The guys look pissed about having to leave their brother, and Ana is upset about having to leave her daughter and man she cares about. Right now, though, it doesn't matter.

I slide the glass doors shut and shut the blinds to hide the interaction between the two. Christian doesn't want his secrets getting out and I promised him it wouldn't happen.

My attention falls back on the two.

"Please. Just leave." he starts crying again. "I can't have you getting hurt." Gracie just shakes her head. I really hope my kids this smart. "You're going to get hurt. All of the kids do. Stop being annoying." he says irritated. I chuckle a bit.

"No." she walks over to him and sits on his lap, wrapping her around his neck. Christian frowns, but then his face turns serious.

"I'll protect you." he whispers. "I promise."

Does this have to do with a part of his past? If so I need to push him a little into this subject. The protection might be the problem that's keeping him from going further and having these terrible memories. What if he wasn't able to protect that child that he promised? He said that Grace saved him off the streets. Does that mean he left the little girl behind?


	22. Chapter 22

**Anastasia**

We're all sitting out in the waiting area, well more like pacing. I can't help it. Seeing him break down again is making my heart about to burst out of my chest. My daughter's in there calming him down, but I'm not. I used to be there for him, now I'm nothing. It's like I don't even give a shit about him. What can I fucking do?

John said something about him remembering something. I know he's talking to John about something serious. Stuff he won't even tell me or anyone else but him. Maybe if I was open to him he'll trust me enough to talk to me. I miss my Christian and trust from him is something I want.

I look over at everyone sitting in the waiting room. They're all antsy and waiting for John to walk out with news on Christian. My eyes fall on Ethan and Mia. I feel sorry for them at the moment. They are holding off their wedding until Christian gets better. They both want Christian at the wedding. Even Mia cares dearly for Christian even though he's being a complete dick. The thought causes me to chuckle.

I silently walk out of the room and head towards Christian's private one. I can feel my hands sweating. Maybe I can't do this. What if he tells? This is Christian, he wouldn't do that. Would he? I don't care, I just want him to trust me enough not to hide from me anymore.

I walk up to the sliding glass doors and knock. A minute later the doors slide open and John's face appears in the doorway. He looks upset at first, but when he realizes it's me he smiles.

"Hello Ana." he doesn't sound as stressed.

"Hey John. Is he okay?" he nods.

"You can come in and see him." he offers. "Especially since he still wants to do the surgery today."

"After that? Did you try to talk him out of it?"

"I did, but he wants to go ahead and get it over with. I can't make decisions for him."

"That man's just going to keep pissing me off." I grumble. He laughs.

I walk into the room and see Christian back on the bed. Gracie is in his arms fast asleep with her arms around his neck. He is looking down at his phone and typing quickly. Who could he possibly be talking to right now? A frown is formed across his face as he types, a sigh escaping his lips every few seconds.

When John and I walk in, Christian's head snaps up. His eyes fall on me, then back on John with a raised eyebrow. John snorts. Oh what now.

"Am I missing something?" I ask them.

"No, someone just has a stick up his ass." John says. I look over at Christian.

"What's wrong?" I ask him. He doesn't answer, just looks back down.

"He's trying to find another singer for the band." John pipes up. WHAT!

"John, grab Gracie and take her to the waiting room with the others." I make it an order.

He's hesitant at first, but then walks over to Christian and picks her up. He doesn't even bother giving Christian a second look. The two of them leave the room as Christian complains about me taking my daughter from him. Luckily Gracie didn't wake up.

After they leave I stomp over to Christian. Who the fuck does he think he is just finding someone else without telling his brothers? That's not what a goddamn band does. Why is he quitting in the first place, it's not like these surgeries are stopping him from singing. He'll be able to sing as soon as they're finished.

I drop down in the seat beside him and glare.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I snap at him.

"I'm doing what's best for the guys!" he looks annoyed. "How long has it been since we performed? Almost two years, and because of me?" he shakes his head.

"Christian, you only have four more months before you can perform. Just wait. Remember that Mia and Ethan are getting married as soon as you get better. The girls and I will have to go on a break for that." I need to convince him to not be a dumbass.

"Two years, Ana…" I stop him.

"Your life has been hell these past two years baby. You may not remember, but it has. Don't give up please."

"I don't want the guys to suffer because of me."

"They're suffering because you won't talk to us. You've been in so much pain Christian and we don't know why."

"Ana, I can't." he says quietly. "I can't talk about this with you, or anyone else for that matter."

"Do you not trust me?" I ask. "You know I would never say a word."

"That's not the fucking point Ana." he practically growls. "Have you never wanted to tell anyone something because the humiliation would just kill you? I can't tell you this because of what people would think. They would always tiptoe around me and show fucking pity."

He lays his head back and closes his eyes. His face is etched in pain. Christian doesn't know about my past before mom had formed a relationship with Ray. No one had found out. Ray was smart enough to cover it up before the girls and I started are first tour. He didn't want my business getting out into the open, especially when it would be something that would make people feel sorry for me. Something I despised.

I grab Christian's hand and pull it into mine. He tenses at my touch, not relaxing one bit. Shit, I need him to at least trust me.

"Christian, I'm not going to hurt you." I rest my elbow on the bed.

"I know."

"Can I tell you something?" I keep my eyes on his hand. "You have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Ana, stop." he sighs. "You don't have to tell me anything. I trust you. I've always trusted you."

"I'm not someone who can talk to a therapist, Christian. I've been to three and all of them judged me." I purse my lips. "I just want to talk to someone about what happened. My dad was the only one who knew."

"I don't know what talking to me would do for you Ana." he looks upset. "It's not like you went through the shit I did. And just because you tell me shit doesn't mean I'm telling you anything." he snaps, but after running a hand over his face he pulls me by my hand and pulls me up on the bed. He wraps an arm around my waist, and lays his head on top of mine. "Whenever you're ready."

Whenever I'm ready. When will I actually be ready to move on from this? The woman who fucked with my life still ruins it today by showing up at our concerts. I freak out because I'm afraid she'll bring _him_ with her. I will never be ready for this goddamn bullshit, and that is the reason why I was bullied in school. I didn't know how to stand up for myself. Being someone's bitch was what I was used too.

"You know what? Nevermind." I say, getting up. He just wraps his arm tighter around me.

"Now you have me curious. Why are you suddenly backing out?" I shrug. "How about you tell me one of your secrets then I'll tell you mine. Will keep doing this until they come and get me for my surgery."

"Fine, but all secrets stay in this room." he nods. "My mom is a drug addict."

"Do the girls know?" he asks. I shake my head.

"They've seen her at our concerts, but that's only because she's trying to harass me. Usually she's wearing a trench coat to hide the marks on her skin."

I know he's thinking of me with disgust. I was born from a drug addict. A bitch who still doesn't understand the words, leave me alone. I wish Ray was here.

"My birth mother was one as well." he says quietly. "I'm not judging you, so get the thought out of your head."

"That obvious?"

"No shit." I can't help but chuckle.

"Where is she?" I feel him tense.

"I don't know, and I honestly don't give a fuck where she is." I hear anger in his voice.

"I don't hate my mom." I tell him. "I guess it's hard to hate the only parent you have left."

"You have the girls." he hints. I shake my head, and sit up.

"Ray's gone and I never met my birth dad, so the only parent I have is my mom. The girls are sisters. Not parents."

"You're right Ana, I don't understand. I hate my birth mother with a passion so I don't have a clue how you love yours."

"Because you had someone when you were lost." I tell him. "I didn't. Anyways, it's your turn." I don't think I want to keep going.

"In my heart, it felt as if I had three mothers." he says. I frown.

"What do you mean?"

"I had my birth mom, a woman who took care of me when no one else did, and then Grace. Those were my mothers."

"Wow… "

"All of them are gone though."

"What happened to the one who took care of you?" when I don't get an answer I turn around. I see that his jaw his clenched and he is looking away from me.

"She passed away." how… "Your go."

"My mother was and probably still is a prostitute." I mutter. "The way she was throwing herself at the security men at our concerts it's most likely. I hope they didn't sleep with her." they could easily catch something.

It suddenly gets quiet. The hold Christian had on me has now loosened. When I look at him, he looks deep in thought. Maybe this was a big fucking mistake. People say they won't judge another person, but that's a lie. One always ends up judging another behind their back even when they don't mean too.

"I promise that I'm not judging you. We already made an agreement with each other not to do that."

"What are you thinking about?" I whisper. He looks uncomfortable.

"My birth mother was a prostitute as well." he finally looks at me. "I know she stopped though."

"How do you know she stopped?" I ask him. He starts squirming on the bed, and his face is beginning to turn red. "Christian, you don't have to tell me." I kiss his forehead. He nods.

"Your turn." he coughs.

"I used to bring in clients for my mom and her pimp." he looks up.

"What do you mean?" he has a worried look in his eyes.

"I'm not comfortable with telling you that…" he nods in understanding.

"Remember when I was in rehab?" I nod. "When Grace found me, I was by a dumpster completely drunk. I started drinking when I was nine and doing drugs at ten."

"You were young." I state. "Why?"

"It took away the pain." he puffs out his cheeks. "It didn't block out the realization of what was happening to me, but it's better to be numb and black out instead of hearing the sick things-" he stops, finally understanding that he's given away too much information. Oh Christian. I can't believe that happened to him.

"My mom's pimp was my step dad, Stephen." I tell him, trying to move on.

"She married him…" Christian looks shocked.

"There's another few things that'll shock you." I pick at a piece of string. "How about we stop? I'm sure they'll be here soon."

"Ana, calm down." Christian pulls me onto his lap. "Take a deep breath and talk slower. Clear your mind and only think about something that makes you happy."

I rest my face in the crook of his neck and think about all of us being back in Seattle. We don't have to worry about Christian's surgeries anymore, and he's finally better. Mia and Ethan's wedding is finally happening and Christian is Ethan's best man. The two love birds leave us to honeymoon in Paris. Afterwards, Gracie, Christian and I finally get to go back home where we belong.

When I look up, Christian is looking down at me. He has a concerned look on his face.

"Are you okay?" I nod.

"I feel better." I smile. "Thank you."

"Can you do me a favor? Don't deny it at first." he says. What is he up to? "Talk to John."

"No."

"Ana, just fucking do this. I never talked about my whiney bullshit to anyone, not even my family. John's actually helping me." he says irritated.

"I don't need to let my feelings out." I snap.

"What the fuck did you just try doing with me?" I keep quiet. "Talk to him. Especially if your damn mother keeps showing up to shows. What if Stephen shows up with her?"

He wouldn't… would he?

"I'll think about it."

"That's all I want." he sighs.

We stay silent for the rest of the time.


	23. Chapter 23

**The Surgery**

 **Justin**

I stand in the corner, and watch the neurosurgeon, Frank, get everything set up. This guy may be from Seattle Grace but he is so damn full of himself. I get that he's the best guy we had but you don't have to shove it in everyone's faces. I'm close to running out of this OR and grabbing that freak so that he can operate on Christian.

What pissed me off even more was that this fucker brought interns! New people to work on a highly famous rockstar that's been missing for a goddamn year. Let's just say if he messes up, he'll be the one dealing with the man's brothers. He's lucky I'm not kicking his ass right now.

"Okay everyone, we're going to be performing a Craniotomy." Asshole announces. I look down at Christian, who just rolls his eyes. I laugh.

"Isn't Grey the one supposed to be putting on the shows?" I ask Frank.

"Grey, I'm going to have the anesthesiologist numb your scalp in the frontal temporal area where we'll be operating on. Since it seems that the tumor has decided to pick those two main regions."

"Am I going to be awake for this?" Christian blurts. At least he knows what questions to ask.

"Yes Christian, you are. There won't be any pain though." Frank says.

"No shit." we all laugh except for Frank. He looks annoyed.

"Christian, try not to piss off the guy operating on you." I point up to Frank. He nods.

"Sorry Frank." Christian winks. Smartass.

Frank has the anesthesiologist get Christian setup with the medication needed and we're waiting a moment for it to take place. Two of the interns are placing his head in a 3-pin skull fixation device. They're making sure it will hold his head in place during the surgery. After, I watch as they insert a lumbar drain into his lower back. I've never heard him curse this much before.

"I swear to fucking God, Frank!" he snaps. "You better get all of this shit out so I don't have to go through another goddamn surgery."

"It all depends Mr. Grey." Frank says.

"Depends my ass! If one of these beginners sticks another big needle into my fucking back again I'll beat the hell out of them and you."

I turn away from all of them and cover my mouth to hide my laughter. He doesn't hold back, does he? I'm fucking loving this. This is the Christian we've been looking for. Shit, I actually have tears sliding down my cheeks. When I turn around I start laughing harder.

The interns and Frank look terrified. When I look at the other surgeons, though, they have a smug look on their faces. They know that Christian will do it too.

"Um, well, Mr. Grey can you feel this?" Frank prods at his temple.

"No, sir." Christian sighs. His manners don't surprise me with parents like Grace and Carrick. They surprise the interns and Frank though.

Christian's head is finally numb, and they're able to start the surgery.

"Then let's get started." Frank orders.

I take a seat by Christian so I'm able to talk to him, and even watch the surgery.

Frank starts by shaving the little bit of hair that Christian had on his temple and frontal area. He then preps the skin with a antiseptic before making a skin incision behind his hairline.

"How's it looking Justin?" Christian asks.

"The usual bloody shit." I tell him. "To be honest man, I can't wait to see the actual tumor up close."

"Well, if that guy has it in a jar I bet it's pretty nice." he rolls his eyes.

I watch as Frank grabs the craniotome from the side table and starts cutting through the burr hole to make a bone flap. I may be a cardiologist but I know my shit.

Frank then removes the bone flap, where the interns are capable of seeing the dura, the part that protects the brain.

"Shit Christian, this is fucking amazing." I tell him.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're enjoying the show." he says sarcastically.

"Oh, sorry." forgot he was the one being operated on.

Frank has one of the interns carefully put away the bone flap until needed back at the end of the procedure.

Frank grabs a pair of surgical scissors from the side and begins to open the dura, folding it back from the brain. I look back and wince. No wonder Christian's personality and memories have changed over time.

"Shit…" I didn't mean for that to escape my mouth.

"I know." Frank says quietly. "This looks bigger than on the MRI. He's going to need at least one more surgery after this. But this surgery is going to take awhile. Can one of you go inform the family the timing of the surgery. It will at least take another three hours." he points to one of the interns. "You go inform them."

I watch as the intern leaves with a pissed off stomp. I don't know why they're pissed, it's not like they're doing shit anyways. I look back at Frank and see that he has started the process.

"What the hell are we supposed to talk about for the next 19 hours?" Christian says.

"Want to play rock, paper, scissors?" I smirk.

"Really man? You want to be a smartass right now?" Christian says irritated. I chuckle.

"Is it keeping you occupied?"

"I guess so. Why didn't you just put me to sleep Frank?"

"Just incase anything serious happens. We need to keep you awake. Oh, and if you start to feel bad tell us. We can't take a chance."

"Okay." Christian sighs.

"Don't worry, it will be worth it Christian." I tell him. He just looks at me, then cuts his eyes.

"I know."

Hopefully he will gain some of his memory back after this surgery. It will give his family some hope, and him as well.

 _Seventeen hours into surgery_

"Christian, it looks like we might be finishing up earlier than I thought we would." Frank says.

"Thank God." Christian whispers.

I've been having to keep his ass awake for the past several hours so he wouldn't pass out. He's been pissy but he has to get over it. I'm letting it pass when he snaps at me, because he apologizes. I understand that he's tired because I am too.

"Maybe forty-five more minutes and we will be done here." he says, then looks up. "One of you go call the family, and inform them." one of the interns quickly leaves.

"Justin." Christian says. I walk back around to where I'm able to see Christian's face. His face is pale.

"What's wrong?" I ask quickly.

"I'm not feeling well." I notice him bite the inside of his cheeks.

"Symptoms?" Frank asks.

"Nausea, blurry vision, chest pain.."

"He's beginning to slur his words, Frank. What the fuck did you do!" I'm trying to stay calm but Christian's eyes begin to roll into the back of his head.

"Don't blame this shit on me, Flynn." Our heads snap to the monitor as Christian's BP starts to drop. "This has nothing to do with the tumor. I need to close the craniotomy before you can do anything."

"Hurry the fuck up or all of this would have been for nothing."

"I'm hurrying as fast as I can Flynn." Frank puts the dura back in place then grabs the drill and begins replacing the bone flap. He then puts the skin incision back in place. He wraps Christian's head in a thick gauze after the two interns remove his head from the skull clamp.

My eyes fall on the monitor and watch as it flatlines. Son of a bitch. I look over at Frank and watch him throw his goggles off and give me the signal. I quickly hint for the newbies to fall in. They comply.

"Start Cpr." I point to one intern. "See if you can find a pulse anywhere." I tell another.

"No pulse." the intern says, and when I look at the one doing the cpr it doesn't seem to be working.

"Okay, get the defibrillator ready. He needs to be shocked." they just look at each other. "Fucking hurry!" I practically shout.

They wheel it from the corner and by me. I let the machine charge for a few seconds before looking at the people surrounding him.

"Hands off unless you want to be fried." they move away. "Clear!" The monitor is still showing nothing. "Again!"

What happened…


	24. Chapter 24

**Christian**

I open my eyes and notice that I'm not in the operating room anymore. When I look around I realize the room I'm in is familiar. The floors are cracked and the paint on the walls is peeling away. The window that is in front of me is smashed open, but bars are sealed over it. When I try to get up I realize that I'm laying on a dirty and torn away mattress. What the hell? Where am I?

Then the realization hits me. I'm at my old childhood apartment. Are they here?

A moment later I hear a noise coming from the door. What if it's them? I'm old enough to beat the living shit out of them. Unless they bring multiple men like they usually do. I won't be able to do anything about it at that point. I never could.

I run over to the door and hide behind it to make sure they won't see me. I need to give myself at least one chance.

"Christian, stop trying to hide." Grace?

"I told you we shouldn't have brought him here. This isn't a place he feels safe." someone grumbles. Lilly?

I walk out from behind the door, and when I do I see Lilly and Grace sitting in chairs by the window. Lilly looks annoyed, but so does Grace. They're whispering between one another as if they're arguing. Wow, the two woman I love arguing. Fucking great.

"What's going on?" I ask, walking over to them. I just keep standing. Too many memories from the bed and floor happened here.

"Your mom decided to bring you here to talk to you. Why would we bring you here? Most of your torture happened here!" Lilly is snapping at Grace.

"Lilly, stop!" I shout. Her eyes widen. "I don't have any good memories at the moment. Not at the hospital. Not at my home. Not at my parents home. Nowhere! Please don't treat my mother like shit. I love you, but I love her as well."

I watch her take a deep breath and nod. "I'm sorry Grace. I guess seeing how they treated you. It pains me seeing you here Christian."

"I know, but don't take it out on my mom." I walk over to the two of them and pull them in my arms. "I've missed you two so much."

"We've missed you too." mom kisses my cheek. "So, a daughter?" she grins.

"You guys would love her. She's so beautiful." my mind floats to Gracie.

"We know." Lilly says. I frown.

"How? And why are the two of you with me in my old room?"

"Sweetheart," I turn to my mom. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember we were at the end of the surgery. Frank told one of the interns to tell the guys that we were almost done so they could come to the hospital." I lean against the wall. "Everything started to get blurry. I started feeling sick. Then a sharp pain went piercing through my chest."

"Do you remember anything else?" mom asks. I shake my head.

"What happened?" I ask.

Lilly and mom look at each other. They have worried looks on their faces. Are they going to fucking tell me or not?

"Well?" I snap. Lilly looks away from me, causing mom to glare at her.

"Something happened during the surgery and they didn't know what. Your heart just stopped." mom explains to me.

My eyes widen. Is this what is happening? I'm actually dead? Maybe there was a reason for this.

"So I'm actually dead? Like dead dead?" Lilly rolls her eyes.

"Not yet Christian. But it seems like you don't care about life." she says annoyed.

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I?" she's starting to irritate me.

"You've been pushing people away sweetheart and that's not even because of the tumor." mom says sadly.

"I've been ruining things mom. They haven't been able to play because of me, and Ethan hasn't even been able to get married because of the situation I'm in. Why do you think I push them away?" I shake my head. "Everything is fucked up because of me."

"Christian, you know that they are there with you sweetie. They're your brothers and nothing can break you guys apart. Except for one of you leaving. Do you know how broken those boys would be if you left them?"

"Not to mention your daughter and Anastasia." Lilly says. "That little girl depends on you Christian. You can't leave her."

"I don't want to die in the first place!" I shout. They don't look convinced.

"Then why are you still here?" mom asks.

"Why are we still here?" Lilly asks as well.

I grip my hair in my hands and start pacing the room. I don't fucking know why they're here still. I want to be with my daughter and Anastasia. I don't want to leave them, because that means breaking them. I also don't want to leave my brothers. They already lost my mom. The pain of losing me won't be as bad, but they're still losing another family member. Not to mention that dad is as well. If I die, I'm hurting everyone more than I am now.

As I keep pacing, the room changes. We're not in my bedroom anymore. Now we're in someone's living room. That cold feeling that I had crawling down my spine is now gone. This room is comfortable and cozy, with a fireplace in the middle of the wall. The walls are a dark blue and the hardwood floors are an oak. This is much more peaceful than my old bedroom.

I watch Lilly and mom walk over to one of the couches and take a seat. I'm kind of afraid to take a seat here. Never touch anything that's not yours.

"Take a seat, son." I jump at the voice behind me. "Woah, I'm not going to hurt you."

I quickly turn around and see a man who looks to be in his late forties with black hair, beard, and green eyes. He looks like a lumberjack by the way he's built. I relax when I see the kind look on his face. He reminds me of my dad.

"Sorry." I mutter. He just smiles and holds out his hand.

"Ray Steele." I take his hand in mine.

"Anastasia's dad." I say quietly, letting go of his hand.

"You see many things on the brink of death." he sighs. "I can't have you leave my daughter Christian. She's been through enough shit in her life that losing you would be adding more to her list. I also don't want my grandchild to grow up without her father."

I throw my hands in the air. "How do I wake up? I want to be with Anastasia and my daughter. I don't want to die! How the hell do I wake up Ray? Tell me how to do it and I'll do it!" I'm practically begging now.

"I can't tell you Christian. This is something you have to do. The reason you're not leaving is because you want to be here. You want to die." he says. I look over at Lilly and mom and they look at me with a sad smile.

It's always me. Every goddamn time. Christian Grey is the target every fucking time in a situation like this! Death will always be finding me even when I'm not in its path. It's never my time, but someone will make it my time to die even when I want to live. I have life to live. A family to live for. Friends to live for. But death seems to want me more.

"I'm fucking sick of this." I hold up my hand to the girls. "Excuse my language. I'm not the one who wants to die Ray. I've never been the one who wanted to die. Death wants me for himself. He's tried several times but hasn't succeeded his task because I've wanted to live my damn life. Why would I want to die when I have a beautiful daughter who loves me too death, and a girlfriend who loves me as well. I have brothers who are always there for me and new friends who always stick by my side. Now tell me right now, why the fuck I would want to die?" I snap.

Ray smiles, and looks over my shoulder. He then looks back at me. Behind him is a lit up hallway. When did that get there? Shit, will I die if I go towards the light?

"I like you Christian." Ray smiles. "Take care of my daughter and granddaughter." he pats me on the back as Lilly and mom walk up to me. They both hug me.

"I love you baby boy." mom says. "Give my granddaughter and hopefully future daughter in law kisses." she winks. I roll my eyes. Still dead here. "Tell your brothers I love them."

"I love you Christian." Lilly hugs me. "Don't let your past mess with you." she whispers. I nod.

"I love all of you." this is the worst part.

I walk closer towards the light and before I enter, I look back. They're all looking at me, making sure I'm making the right decision. Of course I am. The one thing about dying is that I had gotten to see the people I loved and Ray. The man was amazing.

I turn back around and keep walking forward. The light gets brighter that I have to put a hand over my eyes. The further I go, a loud beep begins to ring in my ears.

Then the world goes dark…


	25. Chapter 25

**Christian**

Fuck, my head and chest are killing me. Shit, my chest! Did I make it? Am I back with the world where I have Gracie and Anastasia? My brothers and friends?

I go to grab my chest but someone grabs my wrist. "Don't you fucking dare." someone growls. I sigh. I'm back.

When I open my eyes I see Justin rubbing a hand over his face. He looks exhausted and upset. His eyes are swollen and red, like he's been crying.

"What's the matter?" shit it's hard to talk.

"What's the matter?" his eyes widen, then he gives me a fake laugh. "You fucking died Christian! Do you know how long it took to bring you back? Fifteen minutes! They told me to call time of death. I just couldn't do it." I watch as tears fall down his face. "Shit Christian, this is why I do not have friends. Your ass could have died. We were lucky you didn't have brain damage after being dead for so long."

He rests his elbow on the bed and covers his face. I was right. I knew I gained a friend in the two Flynn brothers, but I didn't know they cared this much. Especially when Justin never gave up on me.

"Thanks for not giving up on me Justin. I'm lucky you were in there with me. Do you know why my heart gave out?" he nods.

"The artificial heart had given out. We don't know why. It was supposed to work for a few more years." he frowns. "So we had given you a new one, which took longer than expected. We put you at the top of the donor list for a new heart."

"That's kind of not fair. Some deserve it more than me don't they?" like children or teenagers who have longer lives to live. "Just because I'm a famous rockstar doesn't mean that I deserve it more than some."

"I knew you'd say that." Justin says. "Chris, if you don't get a real heart in the next few weeks you most likely won't make it. You have a family to think about. Think about Gracie."

My mind drifts back to Ray, Lilly and mom. Justin's right. I can't leave any of them. I promised Ray I would take care of Gracie and Ana.

"Fine, but make sure a child is after me. It's just not fair Justin."

"You may not think so, but it depends on the type of case. Your case is serious Chris, more than others. Other families wouldn't even think of others like you are." he smiles. "You're thinking like Grace. She'd do the same thing."

I sigh. I miss my mom already. The perfect woman. Saving others before herself. Thinking of others before herself. Every time I watched her work, she would always care for a child in the best possible way. Making them feel like they were still at home. And when a child died, she would cry as if the child was her own. Pediatrics was her life beside the guys, me, and dad.

"Thank you Justin. So, how long have I been out?" I ask.

"Three days." my eyes widen.

"Are you fucking serious!?" he nods.

"You want to know something though?" I practically send him a go to hell look. "As I was doing your heart surgery, they had enough time to get the rest of the tumor out."

"Are you fucking serious!" I shout. He covers his ears, now he looks annoyed.

"Okay, keep the noise down. I haven't been to actual fucking sleep since the damn surgery. Only been napping here. So keep the noise level down."

"I didn't fucking know grouchy ass. Go get some sleep."

"I will later. I'm waiting for someo-" I watch the sliding glass doors open and see Ana standing on the outside of them.

"Oh my God." she sighs, then glares at Justin. "Why didn't you come get me." she snaps.

"You needed to eat." he snaps back. She's not eating?

She just shakes her head and walks over to me. Taking a seat beside me, she grabs my hand that doesn't have an IV in it and tangles her fingers with mine.

When I look at her I see that she's lost weight. She's pale and there are dark circles under her eyes, as if she hasn't slept in days. Her eyes are like Justin's, red and swollen. Like she's been crying. I did this to her.

"You need to sleep." I tell her. "Both of you do." I look over at Justin.

"I don't want to leave you." Ana chokes, gripping my hand tighter.

"John will be here soon since I'm too exhausted to drive. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I've checked everything out and you seem to be fine. The neurologist will be in here in a few minutes." he yawns.

"Thanks for saving me Justin." I look at him. He grins.

"That's my job."

"Smartass." he chuckles. We here a knock on the door. When the door slides open in walks in John. He blows out a breath when he sees me.

"Do you know how fucking scared I've been you ass?" he glares at me. "I haven't even been having phone sex with my wife I've been that freaked out. Not to mention that we've been having to wait for Justin's phone call saying that you woke up." he's pacing the room, ranting. I guess he's not my psychiatrist right now.

"John, I'm okay. Stop worrying." I hold my hands up.

"Are you okay?" he stops pacing and looks at me. "Everytime single fucking time you are getting better something brings you close to death." he's right.

"I know." I admit. "But I'm not dead yet. And I have something to keep me living. All of you. Now calm down and tell your wife you'll be home soon, because I'll be back in Seattle in a week."

"Goddammit, fine. Let's go Justin. You need to sleep for several days."

"You got that right." Justin says through a yawn.

As they leave my eyes fall back on Ana. Her head is laying on my arm and it seems that she has fallen asleep. Shit, why has she done this to herself. Why couldn't she just have stayed home and watched Gracie.

"Ana."nothing. I run my fingers through her hair. "Anastasia wake up." she begins to move and her eyes start to open.

"Yes?" she rests her chin on her arm.

"Get on the bed with me baby. You need some sleep." she shakes her head.

"I'm fine." she starts to fall back asleep.

"Do it or I'll have Kate come and get you." her eyes fly open. She glares at me.

"You wouldn't." she says in a deathly whisper. I smirk.

"And you say you know me." I chuckle. "Get your fucking ass on the bed."

She groans in annoyance and climbs on the bed as I hold my arms out. She stays away from my chest where my new scar is, and buries her face in my neck. I wrap my arm around her and slip the blanket over her.

"Ana?" I whisper.

"Hmm?" she mumbles.

"I could of died three days ago." I say quietly.

"I know." she chokes.

"You know how many people lose time, and never get to tell what they meant from the beginning?" I wrap my arm tighter around her.

"What do you mean?" she pulls away from me, and looks up at me.

"I love you Ana." I bring her closer. "And I always want to remember this." I bring her lips to mine, her tears fall against both of our cheeks as her soft lips move against move.

The tumors gone. I will remember telling the woman I love the words that I will forever mean.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hope some of you guys know that Grace was 'mom'. I don't know if that bitch of a birth mom is dead yet.**

 _Nine weeks later_

 **Christian**

"What's going on with you today?" John asks.

"I keep having slip ups in front of everyone. I think they are getting close to figuring out the truth."

"Maybe you should just tell them. Keeping this from them is very big. Don't you think?"

"Shit, John. I know keeping this from my family is serious but I'm not ready to tell them yet."

The third week after the tumor was removed, my memory was regaining step by step as we went back to Seattle and spent time together. I remembered how Gracie spent her first few months in the hospital and what medical problems she has. I also remember the whole reason why the girls and us were against each other. It makes me think highly of Ray even more.

"Is there any reason?" John asks. What's my reason?

"I want them to get me caught up with everyone's life before I tell them."

"That's understandable. Besides this, what do you want to talk about? Justin has been keeping me updated on your recovery. I heard it's going well." I nod.

They had found a donor heart three weeks ago, and I've been on bed rest since then. It wasn't like the tumor situation, I actually made it through this time and the surgeons were impressed. I've been able to talk to John every once in awhile just so that I could keep myself occupied. He is getting a kick out of me being bored though.

"My dreams are getting worse." I tell him.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"My mind keeps drifting back to the day where I saved Taylor." I say. "The fire. Leila. I remember it all and it keeps popping into my mind. Bringing back the memories of that day. I'm afraid that if I don't stop I might hurt Ana again. The last time I was told they said I had pinned her beneath me."

I can't believe I would ever do something like that. To the person I love. What the hell is wrong with me?

"You were also asleep as you did it Christian. Remember?" John reminds me.

"I don't care." he rolls his eyes. "I'm serious John. I can't take any chances."

"What? So no sleeping with Ana anymore?" he smirks.

"If the dreams get worse, I might have to. The only thing keeping Ana from experiencing the sight of my nightmares is that they haven't reached that point yet. I just wake up sweating and gasping for breath sometimes. I even have to set my alarm to make sure I wake up before the nightmare hits me."

"This is actually interesting." John murmurs. "How much sleep do you get each night Christian?"

"Maybe three or four." he writes something down.

"That's not good for you Christian." he frowns. "Where have you been sleeping at night?"

"Depends." I shrug. "I told you about why I don't want to sleep with Ana, so when she falls asleep I sometimes go to the couch. Other times I go to the guest room. I make sure to go back to the bedroom before she wakes up though."

"Maybe you should try talking to her about this Christian. Hiding behind closed doors isn't good for the two of yours relationship. If she was to find out, she would be very upset not with just you but with herself as well because she doesn't think she was good enough to help you."

Dammit John. Why does the asshole always have to be right? I guess the thought of hurting Ana all over again pained me so much that I thought of that first. I never focused on the pain I would be causing her emotionally if she knew I was leaving her at night just to go off and sleep somewhere else. If it was me, I would be upset. So I'm pretty much fucked when I tell her.

"Goddammit John." I snap. "I'll tell her as soon as we're done talking."

"That's what I wanted to hear!" he grins, but then he sits back in his seat. "Okay, now tell me what's really going on. You've been wanting to tell me something for the past few weeks. So tell me."

"Nothing gets by you, does it?" he tries to look deep in thought.

"No. Now tell me what's going on." he rests an elbow on the arm of the chair. It used to be awkward with him sitting next to me while I would lay in bed, now it just feels normal.

"When I almost died back in New York, I saw something." I keep my face away from his.

"Like what?" he asks, clearly confused. I chuckle.

"When I was dead for those few minutes-" he scoffs.

"Few minutes my ass." I stare at him. "Oh sorry. Go on."

"I saw my mom and Lilly. We were in the apartment I grew up in. My childhood bedroom."

"Wait, you mean Grace or-" I stop him.

"Yes, Grace." I look down.

"What did they say?" wow, John seems to be actually interested in this. He actually believes me. "Was there anyone else?"

"Ray Steele. We ended up in his living room before I had my chance to have my life back."

"Ana's father?" he sounds astounded.

"Amazed doc?" he nods frantically.

"I've never talked to someone who has been to the afterlife before. The amazing thing is, you saw two loved ones and the person you loves, loved one. This is very intriguing." he takes off his glasses and rubs his temples.

"I'm happy to be an amazing client." I salute him.

"Christian, talk to your family. One of my advices for you is to tell Ana what you've been doing behind her back and why. You'll ruin this relationship if not. Do this before telling your family anything. You already have enough on your plate right now." he sighs dramatically, looking at his watch. "I would love to keep talking about this shit, but I have more clients who want to annoy the shit out of me about their marriages."

"Hey! That might be you and your wife one day." I laugh.

"Bullshit! These clients are making me and my girl stay on the right path. Five years down and many more to go." he winks, and gets up. "Goodluck, and call me if you need anything." I nod as he walks out.

We butted heads in the beginning, but that man is like he's part of the band. Justin is as well. Speaking of band, I'm allowed to start playing again in two weeks. Justin gave the okay, and when the guys heard the walls didn't seem so soundproof anymore. After two years without a concert, _The Quarry_ will finally be performing again. Our first concert to start us off is going to be on TV so that everyone knows that we're back.

When we informed our manager he started throwing every derogatory word in the book at El because we didn't tell him about me being back, so we fired him. Guess who's our new manager now? Ana's ex boyfriend, Charlie. He's still dating that bitch of a nurse. When we saw each other, we immediately got into a fight. Fucking bitch. Anyways, Charlie got us onto national TV because of his uncle.

His uncle agreed quickly to having us because it seems that everyone is still on the hunt to find Christian Grey. It seems that no one has stopped looking and when they spotted me in the hospital, things had gotten out of control. Let's just say his uncle will be making a lot of profit off of this.

As my mind starts to wonder off to the future concert, I hear a cough. When I look up I notice Ana at the door. She's wearing her usual small black gym shorts and blue sports bra. Her hair is pulled into a high ponytail and her face is clear of makeup. She looks so beautiful.

"Are you just going to keep staring or are we going to workout baby?" she smiles. I smile back, and throw the covers off me.

Everyday for the past two weeks I've been doing careful workout to keep me going with my new heart. Ana has been doing it with me and we make sure Gracie is napping during it.

This past week, though, I've been able to push myself since it's the third week. Almost fourth. And since this is a real heart they said it's fine for my limits to be pushed. Thank God for that, because I'm sick of walking on the treadmill and tapping my damn hand on the punching bag.

I throw on my gym shorts and walk with Ana to the indoor gym. When we make it there, I open the door for her which earns me a blush. Happens every time.

"Okay baby, none of this slow shit today." I rub my hands together. "We are getting down hard and dirty." she snickers. I walk over to her and kiss her. "That's enough my little pervert. I'm serious though. You can check my blood pressure afterwards."

"The machine is stored in the cabinet." she says. "Don't push yourself too hard."

"I won't." I give her one more peck on the lips and walk over to the treadmill. "Just don't run beside me." I shout back at her.

"Why not?" she asks annoyed. I just turn around and look down at her breast, then back up at her. She rolls her eyes. "Fine!"

"Hey! You're the one not wanting to fuck."

"That's because last time you overexerted yourself it was right after we fucked Christian. I'm not risking anything."

I remember the doctor saying that it was because I was pushing myself in the gym too much. This was even before I left them. Ana wasn't the cause of it. It's starting to piss me off because I'm constantly horny. She slaps my hands away every time I try something, when all I want to do is have my way with her.

I know she wants that to. The way she bites her lip when I walk out of the shower and the way she tries to run off when I ask if she wants to join me. Maybe John is right. Our relationship is falling, and if something doesn't happen there won't be a relationship.

I need to talk to her and tell her what's been going on.


	27. Chapter 27

**Ana**

Christian and I are lying in bed right now trying to find something to watch. We can't seem to fall asleep right now so we decided this was the best option. He's been keeping me at a distance ever since our fight in the gym and I'm afraid he's mad at me just because I won't sleep with him. I just don't want him hurting himself. He did push himself hard in the gym today though, and his blood pressure seemed normal. Maybe I'm just overreacting.

When I look over I notice that Christian's eyes are starting to close, and every time they shut he quickly opens them. Why doesn't he just go to sleep?

"Christian, why don't you just go to sleep?" I frown. He's starting to worry the hell out of me.

"Ana, I.." he stops. I sit up and look down at him.

"What the fuck is going on?" I ask. He leans against the back of the bed. He doesn't look at me and he keeps his eyes on the ground. His hand continues to run on the back of his neck as he tries to talk. That's it. "Tell me right now Christian or I swear to fucking God." I snap.

"Goddammit, Ana. I just don't want to sleep." he shouts.

"Why?" I ask him.

"The nightmares." he closes his eyes. "I'm tired of seeing the images Ana, so it's better if I don't sleep."

"What are the dreams about?" I ask worried. He takes a deep breath.

"It's about the day I saved Taylor from the fire." he whispers.

He remembers? Christian actually remembers something from when we were together. This is perfect! Wait? Why hasn't he told me, and is that the only thing he knows?

"How long have you been having this nightmare?" I ask him

"Five weeks."

"Why haven't you told me? Have you remembered anything else?" I ask annoyed. He looks scared.

"I remember when I was told that I attacked you in my sleep after the fire incident." he murmurs. How did he find out about that. "That's why I haven't been sleeping in the same bed as you."

My eyes widen. "What are you talking about? You are in bed with me every night. You sometimes fall asleep before me." he shakes his head.

"I'm not just good at singing baby." he says quietly. I start getting up, but he pulls me back down. "Don't you fucking dare get out of this bed. I have my reasons for leaving at night." I glare at him.

"Christian, why didn't you just tell me? I would have understood! Are you even getting sleep at night?"

"Some." I roll my eyes.

"Your ass is staying in this goddamn room tonight." I order.

"No Ana." I laugh. "I'm fucking serious. I'm not taking a chance of you getting hurt."

I grab him by his face. "You're staying in here whether you fucking like it or not Grey. I love you and I want all of you with me, especially when you are hurting. I want to be the one to help you Christian, so let me." I bring my face down to his and lightly kiss him. A small sigh escapes him.

"You can be a real bitch." he mumbles. I laugh.

"Why do you think we were so against each other in the beginning." I don't want him being pissed at me again with the whole telling him about the farm house shit. "Besides the fire, is there anything else you know? It would be terrible if all you have remembered were horrific memories."

"I actually remembered quite a bit." he says quietly. I raise an eyebrow.

"Well? Are you going to tell me?" why does he look nervous?

Instead of saying anything, Christian just rolls on top of me. He covers my mouth with his before I'm able to get a word out. I try pushing him away, but I guess going over a year without fucking this man could do things to a woman.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. I don't know if it's me or the heat from his body, but I feel like I'm on fire. Keeping my hands off this man while he's in the gym shirtless and sweating is hard enough, but now that he's on top of me? I give up. If he wants me like I want him, then I'm all in.

I feel his hard length press against my thigh. His hand roams down my body to the edge of one of his shirts I'm wearing, and lifts it over my head. I'm only left in a black thong now. He sits back on his knees and looks me over. The good thing about being with Christian is that I always feel like a walking piece of art around him. He makes me feel so beautiful.

Bringing his hands on either side of my face, Christian presses his lips against my navel and begins kissing upwards to my disappointment. I think Christian takes notice, because a small chuckle escapes his lips.

"You remember the first night we spent together? Actually, this was the next day." he asks, lightly pressing his lips in between my breast. "Do you remember what I told you when you asked me, is all I think about was sex?"

My mind drifts back to our 24 hours of free sex. Well, it wasn't actually on the table for Christian and I but it was out there for everyone else. It was a great night, and the next day was perfect as well. When I think about it, I actually do remember what he said. We were having a stupid ass conversation about porn that brought it up.

" _Want to watch porn?" he says against my stomach. I smack him against the head. He bites down on my stomach causing me to squirm._

" _Are you serious? Is all you think about is sex?" he looks up at me, looking deep in thought._

" _Sex." he rolls it off his tongue causing me to shiver. "I love the fucking word. The smells, positions, how the women scream my name." he starts crawling up my body. Why the fuck did I ask him that question. "How their breast fill my hands and they are just drenched as they look at me." his hand plays with the rope on my robe. "The way they wrap their legs around my waist as they keep me trapped against their drenched thighs." am I dead? Because these man's words are going to kill me. He unties the rope and let's my robe fall open. "Then how their lips part, taking me in that mouth of theirs. Each one thinking it's a game to see how fast they can make me come." he slides a hand to my breast, rolling my nipple in between his fingers. "The marks from how rough it was. Showing how naughty a girl can be." he brings his mouth to my breast, biting down on my nipple, slowly pulling away."How hard she was holding on." he runs his tongue along my chin, kissing me behind my ear. "Showing how much she fucking wanted it."_

I know that afterwards it leaded to great sex. This man knows his words. Literally erotica. He'd be perfect at that. Damn near perfect… Shit, what were we talking about?

Then I realize that Christian's face is still in between my breast. He is looking up at me with a small smile at the corner of his mouth. Wait, did he just fucking remember. Or did he just give me a damn hint?

"You remember. Don't you?" I snap. "You remember everything, don't you!"

He climbs off me, handing me the shirt back. There's my answer. I need to know something.

"How long Christian?"

"It started coming back three weeks after returning to Seattle." he whispers. I shake my head.

"Why did you keep this from all of us?" I ask him. "From me? You finally remembered that you loved me so what's going on Christian?"

I watch his face darken. He gets up, takes his phone, and walks out of the room. I just sit and stare at our bedroom door for what feels like hours.

Why didn't he tell me about his memories coming back? Does John know about this? Does Christian even remember that he loves me, and if he does he would have told me right?

It's happening all over again. I have no one to fix what's broken. Everyone is going to be taken away from me all over again. You can never trust anyone you know, especially the ones you thought you loved. You thought they loved you, but that was always a lie just so they could sneak their ways into your life.

I need something. Air. That's what I need. I need air.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks for the reviews everyone. I know all of you want Christian and Ana together just like that like the beginning of their relationship. It just takes time. So don't be upset.**

 **Elliot**

Kate and I quickly drive over to Christian and Ana's home. John texted me as I was falling asleep. I knew something was wrong because it was the middle of the night and usually John is the only one who goes to takes care of Christian. Kate's going with me because Ana is missing.

As we pull up, I notice that the rest of the guys and girls are here. Even Charlie and Ashley are here. Kate and I quickly get out of the car and run up the steps to my brothers home. When we open the door Mia and Hannah immediately run into Kate's arms. Tears are running down their cheeks and sobs escape them. What the fuck?

I pull all of us into the living room and see everyone but Christian, Ana, and Gracie. The guys are standing in the living room, talking by the fireplace. I tell the girls to go sit by Ashley. I notice that dad is here as well.

"Where's Gracie and Christian?" I ask walking over. They all turn towards me.

"Gracie is still asleep. Christian." John stops. "Christian is frozen. He's not talking. All he's doing right now is staring. When I tried telling him about Ana, he ran. So Christian is missing as well." my eyes widen.

"How did you find out about this in the first place?" I start panicking. Not this again. I can't lose him again. I lost him for a year. We were already getting back on track.

"He texted me." he informs me. "Telling me that he needed my advice. But when I came over he didn't talk, and when I went to look for Ana she wasn't anywhere."

"Why did you go looking for Ana in the first place?" Ethan asks.

"Because Christian and Ana needed to finally talk. I figured that's why Christian needed me. He told her the truth and something happened." John runs a hand through his hair, sighing. "I checked every room for her, but I couldn't find her anywhere. I even checked the garage."

"We checked everywhere for Christian as well." Luke says. "They just haven't shown up."

"Have you checked the roof?" I ask. They nod.

"Don't worry. That was the first place I looked." John says. I sigh in relief.

"How long have they been missing?" I ask. John looks at his watch.

"In five minutes it will be six hours." he says pulling his hair.

"Why are you just now calling us!?" Luke shouts.

"What are you guys and gals still doing wide awake?" John smirks.

"What do you think asshole." I snap. "Should we call the police?" he shakes his head.

"We have to wait twenty four hours before informing the police of their disappearance."

"Hopefully they'll show up by then." Mia whispers. Ethan walks over to the couch and pulls her onto his lap.

"It'll be okay baby." he wraps his arms around her, cradling her. When I look over at Kate she's just looking out the window with Hannah. The two of them are quietly talking. I wonder what happened to cause Ana to wander off like this.

"So I guess we all stay here the rest of the time. Luckily this place has enough guest rooms." Charlie says. "We can go get clothes after we get some rest." he grabs Ashley's hand.

"Okay, Charlie. Everyone go get some rest. I'm going to call Justin to see if he can pick up my wife. Maybe Justin's wife and him can take care of her." John says, walking away with his phone in hand.

I watch everyone grab their significant other and make their way to a room. Ethan has to carry Mia because she has fallen asleep in his arms. When everyone is gone I just keep my spot in front of the fire by dad. He looks upset just as he did when mom died. I'm afraid if we lose Christian, dad won't be able to make it through this.

"Go get some rest dad." I put my hand on his shoulder. "Will search again tomorrow." he nods, looking down then disappearing down the hallway. I turn towards Kate and walk over to her. "Go get some rest baby. I'm going to stay up a little longer."

"Are you sure?" she frowns. "Baby, we have security watching for them. They'll come and get us if Christian or Ana show up. You need sleep."

"i can't sleep right now Kate. Knowing that he's missing… I just won't be able to sleep right now." she grabs my hand.

"I know that you are worried baby. He's your brother. I'm worried about him too." I watch her eyes water, and I quickly pull her in my arms. "I'm worried about Ana as well. We need sleep to find them though. We need our energy. Now come get some sleep okay? We'll start again in a few hours."

She pulls away from me and grabs my hand. Before going to bed, we check on Gracie. She's still fast asleep in her room. I hope those two show up. I don't want her to wake up with her mommy and daddy gone.


	29. Chapter 29

**Nope, they still haven't had sex due to his surgeries. I wouldn't skip a sex scene guys. Both of them need it through. And they left separately.**

 **Christian**

She's gone…

I fucking knew she would leave me. Keeping that from her ruined everything between us and now she's gone. Maybe it's for the best though. It seems that every time I'm around her she seems to dig her emotions deeper and deeper into a dark hole.

I fucking love this woman. I want her to be in my life as long as I can, but it seems like I'm doing a shitty job at that. I guess I can't keep my promise to Ray. Ana doesn't want me to take care of her, so how can I if she won't let me? I'm so fucking sorry Ray.

I walk across the streets of Seattle, keeping my face hidden. I'm on my way to the spot where Grace would always take me when I needed to be alone. She said it was better to have someone by your side than to be alone. Being alone causes an emptiness inside of you. Something I'm feeling right now.

When I reach the park, I notice a few homeless people asleep on the benches. Two of them are children, and they are forced to sleep on the ground. I shake my head. Heartless assholes. It's cold as hell out here and those kids are barely wearing anything and laying on wet grass. I remember those days.

I forgot my wallet, so I can't do shit for them. Goddammit.

I walk over and hand my gloves over to one of the kids, and my coat to the kid without one. I pull my hat further down.

"Thanks." one frowns, clearly confused.

"No problem." I turn away and walk over to mine and Grace's tree.

I start climbing it and realize that it's much easier to get up now than when I was seventeen. I guess it's because of the extra tree limbs. When I grab the last limb, I pull myself into a sitting position. Damn, I'm freezing my ass off. I quickly blow warm air into my hands.

I look up and see that everything is hidden by clouds. I chuckle. Even the world around me is full of darkness. Many men out there are probably getting mugged in street corners. Prostitutes are giving blow jobs for their next fix. Mothers selling their children in the hopes of a better life. Men gambling their lives away. The world around me is pathetic and it's like nobody cares if we go down in flames one day. The woman I love is gone because of me. I keep secrets from my family. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I don't deserve any of them. I deserve the life I had before Grace had saved me. All I've done is ruin everyone else's around me. Throwing all of their emotions around like it's a game of basketball.

I remember the song that I wrote for Grace. The time I knew something was first wrong. The time when I was sent off to rehab. I slowly let the first verse pour quietly out of my mouth as I think of Ana. Maybe it's best this way.

 _This time, this place misused, mistakes  
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance, just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know you know, you know_

I stop and lean my head against the tree. Thoughts of Ana run through my mind. Her laugh. Her smile. A small _psst!_ comes from the bottom of the tree. When I look down I see those two boys. They're sitting down and looking up at me, as if they're waiting for something.

"What?"

"You going to keep singing or not?" I shake my head. "Come on. It's like a lullaby."

"You know it's not right to talk to strangers kid." I say annoyed.

"It's not like our situation could get any worse." he shrugs.

"Yes it could." I sigh. "Now if you lay your asses down and not make any sounds that attract attention this way, I'll do it."

"Told you I could do it. " the taller one elbows the shorter one. I roll my eyes. He reminds me of Elliot.

"I told you to just leave him alone." the younger one says quietly. I jump out of the tree and sit on the ground by them.

"It's fine, just don't trust anyone. Understand?" they nod.

I lean back against the tree and cross my legs. Kids need to be careful. You can't trust anyone in this goddamn world today. I fucking know. Men and women out there are sick and twisted beings.

The boys decide to sit beside me and lean against the tree as well. This is making me miss my daughter. What if Ana is home and doesn't want me there? What if she doesn't want me to go near Gracie again. The thought sends a pain throughout my chest. First the love of my life, then probably my daughter.

I shake my head. Try and push the thoughts away Grey. I push the hat lower to where it's covering my whole face. Fuck it's freezing. I look at the kids.

"I'm fucking freezing." they laugh.

"Thanks for the jacket." the little one says.

"Thanks for the gloves." the oldest says.

"If I get pneumonia, you guys have to explain to my manager why I have frostbite." I grumble.

"Manager?" the little one questions me. I'm about to tell him not to worry about it, but his brother speaks up.

"He's that famous singer, Phoebe." I raise an eyebrow at him. "We may live on the streets, but that doesn't mean we don't keep up to date."

"Wait." I look at the youngest. "Phoebe?" a smile spreads across the young ones face.

"Yeah, she's my sister." the oldest says. "We have to keep her hair short and face dirty. You are right about not trusting people. My names Theodore by the way, but everyone calls me Theo."

I look at the little girl. She looks to be around five. Her hair is cut short in a sloppy way and dirt and mud is smudged all over her cheeks and forehead. Her eyes are a light blue and her hair is brown. When I look at Theo, he looks around seven years old. He's tall for his age, mature too. He has curly copper hair and light blue eyes like his sisters. I would think he was mine but my ass has always worn a condom up until Ana. Wait, how the fuck do these kids know about my music. Some songs are vulgar as hell.

"What are you doing listening to my music?" I ask.

"Don't worry. We don't listen to the bad ones." Theo rolls his eyes. "You have to realize we don't have much going for us."

"I've realized that Theo."

"Just making sure." he says.

"Can you sing so he'll be quiet." Phoebe says. I chuckle when Theo sticks his tongue out.

"You two are really making me miss my daughter." I admit.

"Why aren't you with her?" Phoebe asks. Oh, the mind of a child.

"How old are you Phoebe?"

"Four." she lays her head against my arm.

"I'm not with her because I did something bad." I sigh.

"What did you do?" Theo asks.

"How old are you?"

"Six." holy shit. "Well? What did you do?"

"I lied to my daughter's mother. It may not seem like much, but after what's been going on in my life right now it was the worst thing to do."

"We understand. That's why me and my sister are living on the streets. Our father lied and it had gotten our mom killed. My sister and I ran as the man has taken our father with him. The man's other guys were looking for us as we left."

"How long have you been living on the streets?" I ask him.

"Almost two years."

"How were you able to take care of your sister?" I ask. "She was only two."

"I was used to taking care of her in the beginning. My mom and dad weren't good parents. Drug addicts and dealers. So we basically took care of each other. As soon as we left I made sure to take as many blankets as I could. I had to steal a buggy just so that I could carry her when she got tired. I wasn't that strong at the age of four."

I just look at him. He reminds me of myself when I was little. He's trying to survive just like I was doing. The only thing he's doing is succeeding. I was never able to succeed in survival. They always beat the survival skills out of me. I always just gave up after the beatings.

"Not many people can do that. Even at my age some people aren't capable of something that heroic." I tell him.

"I just wanted to help my little sister." he looks over. "Phoebe?"

"Hmm?" I look over and see that her eyes are closed.

"Wake up. We have to go get our spot back or will be sleeping in the alleyway." he says annoyed.

"No, he's warm. I thought he was going to sing." she yawns. I wish I actually felt warm.

"Come on Phoebe. He needs to get home." The sighs. Damn.

"How about I sing a few songs so you two are able to fall asleep. I'll take you back to the place I saw you when you are both asleep. Deal?"

"Please don't make me not trust you." Theo says.

"I'm not a killer Theo." he shakes his head.

"Don't take us to an orphanage." he whispers. "They're worse than the streets." I frown.

"I won't Theo. I promise."

He sigh and leans back against the tree. I wrap my arms around the two of them and they lay their heads against my shoulders. After a few seconds of just sitting in complete silence I let the words silently fall from my lips.

 _This time, this place misused, mistakes  
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance, just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know you know, you know_

 _That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore_

 _On my knees, I'll ask last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all I'd give for us  
Give anything, but I won't give up  
'Cause you know you know, you know_

 _That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore_

 _So far away, so far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away, so far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know_

 _I wanted, I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say  
That I love you, I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long  
So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving  
Hold on to me and never let me go  
Keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it, hold on to me and  
Never let me go, keep breathing  
Hold on to me and never let me go  
Hold on to me and never let me go_

As I finish the song, I feel both sides of my shoulders are heavier. When I look I realize that both Theo and Phoebe are asleep. I guess they were truly exhausted. Poor kids. Shit, I really miss Gracie. I bet she would like Phoebe and Theo. My smart baby girl. My smile is wiped away as soon as I remember what John told me about Ana disappearing.

I pull the kids closer and begin another song. I hope they find her. If they don't, it would be all my fault again. The woman I love is missing because of me if she doesn't return.

Fuck it's cold…


	30. Chapter 30

**Christian**

The sounds of cars honking and birds chirping wakes me up. My whole body feels stiff, as if I've sat in a bucket of ice the whole night. Son of a bitch, I can't feel my hands.

When I open my eyes I realize that I'm still in the middle of the park. It looks to be around nine in the morning and it looks busy. The park is busy at the moment with bikers and walkers. People are also walking their dogs right now as well.

I guess I'm lucky my hat is still covering my face. Wait, where are Theo and Phoebe?

I slowly stand up and start to stretch, groaning loudly. That earns me a look from multiple people. Mainly women. I guess it's the body I maintained. I fix the hat back on my head, and start walking back towards home until I hear fast footsteps. Then heavy breathing.

"Grey!" I hear Theo shout. "Wait!"

I turn around and see Theo and Phoebe running towards me with a bag in their hand. When they stop in front of me, Phoebe hands me her bag. When I open it I see a sausage biscuit. I look up at them. They just smile.

"We get free sausage biscuits from this woman at the corner. Told her there was another kid." he winks. "We know you can afford it, but we want to have breakfast with you before you have to go."

"Okay." I smile. "Let's go back under the tree."

We walk back to the tree and eat breakfast. The kids begin telling me about their journeys through this hell. What it's been like. I tell them about the guys, about Gracie. Phoebe asks me what she likes to do. I explain what happened to her when she was little. Theo started tugging on my arm as soon as I mentioned Gracie's condition. He says they have to have someone go to clinics for them just so they can get medicine for Phoebe's asthma. It's tough though.

"That's dangerous Theodore!" I snap. He glares.

"I know 'dad'!" he snaps back sarcastically. "Stop!" Phoebe squeaks. We look at her. She looks upset. Shit. "He just doesn't want us getting hurt Teddy. Don't be mean."

"Teddy?" I grin. He turns a bright red. I am loving this. "So 'Teddy' what are you guys doing after I leave?" he shrugs.

"Probably just finding our next place to sleep." he takes a bite of his biscuit, then holds it up. "Next meal."

I split the rest of my biscuit in half and hand it to them. They try to decline it but the looks on their faces show how hungry they are. They quickly finish it as soon as it's in their hand. I have an idea.

"That place where you get free biscuits, do you think they'll let you make a free phone call?" I ask Teddy.

"I'm pretty sure she'll let us make a phone call. The woman is really nice." he tells me. "Follow me. I'll show you where the store is."

Teddy starts walking up the street towards the small shops. As I follow him, I take notice that Phoebe is falling behind. Her face is sweating and she's taking in deep breaths. I kneel in front of her.

"Are you okay?" she shakes her head.

"I need-" she makes an impression with her hands, showing that she needs her inhaler.

"Teddy!" I call. He looks back and runs over to us. He pulls a small inhaler out of his pants pocket. Putting it up to her face, he tells her to breathe in and hold her breath. He tells her to do it four times.

Once he finishes, Teddy puts the inhaler back in his pocket. He says to just start following him again. When we start walking though, Phoebe is starting to wobble.

I decide to pick Phoebe up. We follow Teddy the rest of the way to the store.

"Thank you." she says quietly.

"You're welcome." she wraps her arms around my neck and rests her head against my shoulder. She's making me miss my little Gracie. "Rest if you need to Phoebe. I'll keep carrying you." she nods.

We get closer to Teddy and see that he's at a stop walk. I quickly walk over to him and when he looks up, he frowns. He quickly looks away though. I lower myself down where I'm at his level so that he can hear me.

"Do you want me to put her down?" I ask him. "I did this because she was tired." he shakes his head.

"It's fine." he says. Then looks back at me. "The stores across the street, oh and pull your hat lower." I use my other hand to pull my hat lower.

When the light says it's alright for us to walk, I put an arm around Teddy and walk us across the street. He sighs loudly. I know he's done this by himself a million times before but with me it's not happening.

"I'm not a baby." he whines.

"No, you're not." I say. "But since you're with me I'm taking care of both of you. That means protecting." I let go of him as we finish crossing the street.

He stands there for a second, then walks to the store in front of us. I take my time walking to the store as I look at the outside. I realize that this is the bakery that mom and dad used to take me and the guys to every practice. Which would be almost every day. It always depended on what shifts mom and dad worked.

When I walk in, the smell of blueberries hits me. I'm practically drooling. The shop even looks the same since I've been here and it's been three years. The same table and chairs are here. Even the same paintings. Paintings of sunsets and oceans.

"Grey!" I hear Teddy shout. "She doesn't mind."

I look over and see Teddy standing at the counter with an older woman. I remember her. She used to be my mom's and dad's best friend. We were also her best customer. I walk over to the counter but this high pitched squeal scares the shit out of me.

"Christian? Is that you?" someone asks. The woman beside Teddy finally looks up and frowns. I turn around and see, ah shit, her daughter. Amy. I walk quickly to the counter. Teddy is laughing with the woman who's name I remember is Janet.

"It's nice to see you again Christian." she says. "How's the fancy life treating you?"

"Just great. That's why I'm trying to hide myself under a hat." I mutter. She grins.

"Sorry about her. She is something." she looks over my shoulder.

"She always has been." I roll my eyes. Her daughter has always been trying to get in bed with me. It pisses me off constantly.

"Teddy says you need a phone." she passes me the shops phone. "After you're done I might have something ready for you." my mouth drops open.

"God I've missed your food." I hug her with one arm.

"I know." she grins, walking away with Teddy. Luckily Phoebe's asleep so I'll have some privacy during this call.

I look at the phone and my eyes fall on the numbers. Which ones? Who the hell am I supposed to call? Wait. I know who I should call.

I press the correct numbers in and listen to the line ring.

"Hello?" someone sighs. Woah, why do they sound so upset?

"Taylor, are you okay?" I ask. The line is quiet for a moment.

"Sir, where have you been?" He asks confused. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Taylor, how's Gracie? Did Ana come home?" I ask quickly. He sighs.

"Yeah. Yeah, Gracie is perfectly fine. Ana came home seven hours ago." I sit in one of the stools before Phoebe and I drop to the ground.

"Okay, thanks Taylor." I sigh.

"Sir, where are you? I think you should come home." he says quietly.

"I don't know if Ana wants me to come back."

"I don't know what happened between you two, but she needs you sir. Just get your ass home."

"Can you come get us?"

"Us?" he says confused.

"You'll see when you get here." I inform him. "Do you know the park at the edge of the bay?"

"Yeah?"

"When you drive by there you will have to take one red light. Then on the corner there's a bakery. It's called _Janet's Bakery_."

"Okay. I know where you are talking about. Next time just tell me the name." he laughs.

"I didn't know you knew shit about this place."

"I'll see you in five minutes." he says.

"That quick?" damn man.

"Yeah, I was already out on the hunt for your ass." he explains. Ah.

"Don't tell anyone about finding me."

"I won't. At least not until I figure out what's going on."

After hanging up with him, I walk back to the counter. Teddy and Janet are talking to each other. Teddy is laughing as Janet pokes him in the stomach. Phoebe is fast asleep in my arms as I rock her. Teddy looks over at me and pushes over a strawberry muffin. My eyes widen and mouth drops open.

"Janet's baking… " I grab the muffin and take a big bite. I groan. "Amazing as always."

"Thank you sweetheart." Janet smiles.

"Im serious. If it wasn't for you and mom I wouldn't know how to cook or bake." I grin.

"You can bake?" Teddy asks. I nod.

"It's amazing as well." Janet says. "I've tried it."

I shake my head, disagreeing with her. I can cook and bake to certain points, but I can't do it that well. Everyone may love my cooking but I just think they'll eat anything.

"The cinnamon rolls he makes are awesome." I hear Taylor's voice echo beside me. When I look over I see him watching me. I shrug.

"Janet, can you teach me?" Teddy whispers. She sighs.

"Sweetie, I don't have much time anymore. I really wish I had more time for you and your sister." she wraps an arm around his shoulder.

"It's fine." he gives her a fake smile.

"Hey Janet." Taylor says. She smiles.

"Hey Jason. The usual?" he shakes his head.

"Just came to get Christian. I'm also guessing these two?" he looks at me confused. I nod.

I watch Janet's eyes widen and her smile grows wide.

"Well you guys should get going. The crowd should be getting big in here soon." she says. "Tell the guys to come and see me when they can, okay?"

"I will. Bye Janet." I hug her. "Teddy, can I talk to you for a moment? Taylor I'll be out to the suv in a moment." he nods.

Teddy walks over to the corner where no one can hear us. I'm still holding Phoebe, but I need to wake her up for this. So when I start to shake her shoulder she gets a little irritated, but finally yawns and wakes up. Her eyes widen when she notices where she's at. She doesn't leave my lap though. Oh no Grey, don't get attached.

"Okay guys, I need to talk to you." I explain.

"Woah, this sounds serious Grey." Teddy looks worried.

"It's serious Teddy, but it's nothing to worry about." I tell him. "Two years the both of you have been on the streets. Right?" they nod. "Do you want to come stay some place warm?"

"For how long?" Teddy asks.

"Until another family wants you and your sister." I say. "I'll even get you into school,and if you want, baseball or soccer."

"Really?" he asks. I nod. "Promise?"

"I promise Teddy." he smiles and quickly throws his arms around both me and Phoebe.

I haven't even discussed this with Ana…

"Phoebe?" she looks at me. "We have four girls and one amazing little girl who know what they're doing so you'll have an amazing time. You'll love Gracie. You remind me of her." she just smiles. "Let's go out to the suv and head home. I'll have one of my security members pick a few outfits up for you guys so you can have something for the house."

We walk out to the car and the two of them hesitate when getting into the clean space. They think their too dirty for such a beautiful car. It's going to take awhile for them to get used to this. It was hard for me in the beginning, and I was already living with Grace at the time. I can't imagine how hard it will be for these two.

Taylor gets out of the car and walks over to the two of them. He squats in front of them and smiles, holding his hand out to Teddy. Teddy takes it. After a moment he lets go.

"You guys don't have to worry about getting this car dirty. We can very easily clean it. Don't be scared okay?" he tells them. They nod. "I didn't know there was going to be a child this small, and we didn't have anything for the car at this time for her."

"She usually doesn't use anything." Teddy says.

"What did I say Teddy?" I sigh. "Your protection is going to be different with us. What do we do Taylor?"

"The rides ten minutes away, it's your call. I can go get a booster seat right now if you want." he says.

"Text the security who's getting their clothes to get it." I sigh. "I don't even have to tell you to drive safe. You're an amazing driver." he tries to hide a smile but fails.

I help the kids in the back, and make sure that they buckle up. As the two talk amongst themselves, I tell them that I'm going to sit up front. I need to talk to Taylor. I bet he wants more information than I'm willing to tell.

I slide into the passenger seat and start buckling up. As soon as the belt clicks Taylor fires off his questions.

"What the fuck happened last night?" he asks quietly.

"I told Ana the truth about something. I have been keeping it from her. From all of you." he looks over at me. Shit, please drive so he won't give me the look.

"What haven't you told us Christian." he asks. I close my eyes. When I opened them he's still looking at me.

"I can remember everything." he sighs and looks ahead.

"I kind of figured it out with the certain comments you would make." he grins. I look at him surprised.

"So you're not mad?" he shrugs.

"No, but I wouldn't be the person to hide it from." he looks at me again. Shit, he's right. "Now tell me why you were gone all night."

"Fell asleep in the park." now he looks surprised. "I completely froze my ass." I nod towards the back. "That's where I met those two. They wanted me to sing for them. We ended up falling asleep against the tree."

"Where's their parents?" he asks. "And your music?"

"That's not my story." I tell him. He nods. "I was also surprised about the music thing as well, but they heard me sing the song I wrote for Grace. They said they don't listen to the vulgar ones. Now I can make sure of it."

"You realize you did this without talking with Ana first." Taylor says. "What if she gets upset?"

"These kids needed someone Taylor. Until they can find someone else, I want to be that someone. If she can't accept that then I don't know what else to say to her, but these kids need someone." he grins.

"You still think you're a piece of shit?" he asks.

"Yeah, why?" I ask, frowning. He rolls his eyes.

"Fuck you're stupid." he mutters. Ass.

I look back at the kids and see that they are carefully keeping their arms away from leather. Even their legs if possible. They'll never be comfortable with this.

"Guys, calm down." I say, watching them relax. "When we get home the security will most likely be back with your clothes. I don't know if the clothes are the right size or not but I'll take you to your bedrooms to get showers. Deal?" they nod. "Your bedrooms are even beside each other's."

"Thanks Grey." Teddy says.

"Yes, thank you." Phoebe says.

"You're welcome. When you guys finish just come back to the living room. I want you to meet with the family. You already met one of the members. Taylor."

"I like Taylor." Phoebe says. I chuckle when I see Taylor's ears turn red. "He's nice."

"He sure is." I say pinching his cheek. Taylor slaps my hand as Teddy laughs.

I hope these two are accepted by the family. Hopefully by my Gracie. She keeps to herself constantly and it would be best if she gets out of her shell to younger children. I'm just worried what Ana will think about this. Not just Ana, but also my family.


	31. Chapter 31

**Christian**

We finally pull up to the house, and when we do I see everyone's car here. Even dad's. Shit. I bet I put all of them through hell. I'm such a terrible person. I need to make it up to them somehow.

I get out and walk to the back. I open the door to grab Phoebe, but she's already in Taylor's arms. I grin at the two of them. Phoebe is already liking it here. Taylor is usually so masculine but is already melting for this child. I look at Teddy and he's grinning. I guess his sister isn't used to this much love and attention.

"Can Gail help her, Taylor?" I ask him. He nods.

"I'm sure she can." he says looking at Phoebe. "I have a daughter named Sophie. She's plays with Gracie all the time. I'm sure she'd love you." Phoebe grins.

"Thank you Taylor." she says.

"You do not have to thank me. Let's go get you two bathed then something to eat."

"Come on Teddy." i say. "Maybe since Janet couldn't teach you, I'll try and help you." his eyes widen.

"Are you serious!?" I nod. "Okay. This is the best day ever." he quietly says to himself.

"Good. Now let me show you your room."

I wave Taylor my way, and have Teddy walk alongside me. We walk up the steps and I quietly open the door. I don't want anyone knowing I'm home yet. Not until they're in their rooms. I don't want them to witness yelling. I know there will be some. I carefully go through the house and find the security room.

When I open the door Anderson is standing in wait there. He hands a bag to Teddy. Teddy looks uncomfortable. I kneel in front of him and grab his shoulders.

"Teddy, I used to be in your situation. I didn't have clothes, food, and I was forced to sleep in a cold damp area." his mouth drops open. "Hard to believe right?"

"Yeah."

"Well that was me until I was thirteen years old. My mom saved me, but I was like you. I didn't want to take any of the stuff she gave me. I felt like I didn't deserve it. All I thought was 'What did I ever do for this person to make them do all of this for me?'" he frowns. "Both of you are letting me protect you and care for you. You let me save you. Understand?"

"Yes sir." his bottom lip begins to shake. I pull him to me. He wraps his arms around me. I pick him up as I begin to stand and he doesn't decline.

"Where's Gail?" I look back at Taylor. He just looks at me. Phoebe has tears running down her face. "What?"

"Do you really care about us?" she whispers. How could she ask that.

I walk over to her and grab her hand. "Of course I do. Don't be naive. I wouldn't have brought you here if I didn't."

All of a sudden the door opens and Gail walks through. She has a big smile on her face.

"Anderson, where's my hus-" she stops when she sees Phoebe. "Child?"

"We'll explain everything later." I tell her. "Do you mind helping Phoebe take a bath?"

She just smiles and holds out her arms. "I don't mind at all. Do you like bubbles?" Phoebe frowns.

"Bubbles?" Gail looks at me and I just shake my head. She frowns.

"I'll show you sweetheart. Let's get you clean." Phoebe goes into Gail's arms, and she grabs the bag.

I follow along after them so that we know which bedroom to put Teddy in. When we go into the bedroom I put Teddy on the bed and walk to the bathroom. I walk to the tub and start to run a bath for him. When it's ready I go a get Teddy.

When I walk into the room he's looking around. I carefully walk over to him.

"Teddy, your bath's ready." he nods. "Your clothes are on the counter and a towel is as well. I'm going to go take a shower. You can go check in the room next door when you're done to see if your sister is fine."

"Thanks Grey." I smile and before I walk out of the room I stop.

"Can I have Phoebe's inhaler? Just in case." he grabs it out of his pocket and hands it to me.

"Take care of it."

"I will. Don't worry."

When I walk out of the room, I head to Phoebe's room. When I walk in I see that Gail is walking out of the bathroom with a smile on her face. When she sees me she frowns.

"What's wrong?" I hold up her inhaler.

"She has asthma. Keep this just in case something happens. Alright?" she nods. "I'm going to take a shower. Teddy is next door. He will be done soon, but can you keep an eye on him as well? I'm sorry to push this on you." she smiles.

"Don't worry sir. I think it's an amazing thing you're doing. Is this where you were?" I nod.

"Just don't tell anyone. I need to explain."

"Of course." she says. "Go take your shower."

I walk to my bedroom and head to the bathroom. I walk to the shower and turn the shower and turn it on scalding. Then when I look over I see the medicine cabinet. Fuck, it's way past my time to take my medication. I walk over and grab my heart medication,taking the several pills needed. Damn I'm so sick of taking them. They make me so tired.

I strip my clothes off and walk over to the shower. When I step in, the hot water burns my skin after being in that cold weather last night. I swear I could have been a popsicle. The worse thing is, is that the kids had to go through that every single night. I have no right to complain.

After rinsing the soap off of my body, I climb out of the shower. I climb out of the shower and grab the towel off the rack, drying myself off. After, I wrap the towel around my waist and walk into the bedroom. Thankfully the bedroom is warm. I sigh. I miss my Ana.

I walk to the drawers and pull out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Then I walk to the closet and grab a pair of ripped blue jeans. I drop my towel and begin to pull everything on in the closet.

When I walk out, I see Ana lying on the bed. She has dark circles under her eyes. That smile that always covers her beautiful face is now gone. It's like she doesn't care anymore. I did this to her…

She's finally able to see me and her eyes widen. A gasp escapes those beautiful lips of hers. She gets off the bed, marches over to me, and slaps me across the face. I bring my hand to my cheek. I deserved that.

Ana throws her arms around me and starts crying. First I'm confused, but I don't care at the moment. I'm just happy that she's close to me. I wrap my arms around her waist and lay my cheek against her head. I just let her finish crying. I'm such a piece of shit…

Ana suddenly pushes me away. She doesn't look upset any more. She looks angry. Fuck…

"Where the hell were you!" she shoves me.

"John told me you left, so-"

"You didn't come back Christian! You could have gotten hurt or killed!" she snaps.

"I went to the goddamn park Ana. Okay?" I tell her. "You were upset with me and I didn't even know if you wanted to see my ass again. I needed to be alone Ana. What the fuck do you think?"

"I -" I stop her.

"Ana, you were doing the same thing I was." I explain. "You wanted to be alone. I was upset you left me. That you didn't love me anymore." now I'm pissed. "What if you had gotten hurt when you were out?" I snap.

"So you weren't cheating on me?" she whispers. When I look at her I notice that her eyes are watering.

"Why would you think that I would be cheating on you?" she just looks at me. I groan. "Goddammit Ana! Yes, I've kept my memory away from all of you except John but I had my damn reasons!"

I need to get to the kids. I want them to meet with everyone and I also don't want them to think I abandoned them.

"I have to go." I tell Ana, kissing her on the lips. "Please tell me you love me." I beg her.

"You know I do." she frowns.

"No I don't." I whisper.

She grabs the back of my neck and brings my lips back, deepening it this time. Her tongue runs along mine, tasting of honey. I want to keep this going but I need to get to those kids. They need to meet the family. I pull away from her.

"I do love you Christian. Please know that." she finally lets go of me.

"I Love you too Ana." I sigh. "Never think that I would cheat on you. I may have lied to you but goddamn Ana." I run a hand over my face.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Now I really need to go." I move a piece of hair from her face. "I'll be down in the living room in a moment. Just don't tell them I'm here yet."

"I won't. I'll see you in a little while." I walk away from her and head out of the room.

When I walk over down the hall, I hear laughing. It's coming from Phoebe's room. I realize the laughter is Teddy's. It also sounds like Gail is talking to them.

I walk up to the door and when I open it I see that Gail is fixing Phoebe's hair. There's a towel wrapped around her and she has a big smile on her face. Gail is shaving one side off where it was messed up, and I see that the other side is layered. She looks precious. When I look over at Teddy I see that his copper curls are clean and pulled back. He's wearing simple blue jeans and a black t-shirt with black converse. Phoebe is basically wearing the same except she's wearing a blue shirt and red converse with black skinny jeans.

Teddy is laughing at the faces Phoebe is making as Gail finishes up. When Teddy sees me, he runs over and hugs me. I look down at him surprised. He shrugs.

"Thank you for the clothes." he grins. "Never had anything like this before."

"Do they fit you two?"

"Yes sir." they both say.

Gail carefully takes the towel off of Phoebe, helping her up. Gail grabs the mirror on the nightstand and hands it over to her. When Phoebe looks at herself, her smile gets bigger.

"You like it?" Gail asks her.

"Yes!" she jumps up and down.

"You look awesome." Teddy hugs her.

"Do you guys feel better that you're clean now?" they nod. "Good. Now we'll go meet the family. Afterwards you guys can have a real dinner."

There's a knock on the door that alerts me. When I turn around I just see that it's Taylor. When I move out of the way, he grins as he sees the kids.

"Love the looks. Phoebe actually looks like Ana." I look over and actually see the resemblance. She actually does. "Teddy looks like you and Gracie. Except for the eyes." I chuckle.

"That's good then, I guess." he rolls his eyes. "You two ready?" I ask them. Phoebe runs over to me and holds up her arms. I pick her up and let her wrap her arms around my neck. I look down at Teddy and raise my eyebrow. He shakes his head smiling.

"I'm good Grey."

"I can't believe he calls you Grey." Taylor mutters.

"I can't believe anything anymore." I look at Gail. "Come on Gail."

"Coming, just throwing the towels in the laundry basket." she says walking out.

We walk out of the room and start walking down the hall. Voices are heard as we get closer to the living room and that causes Phoebe to grab on tighter to me. I look down at Teddy, who looks smug as hell. I guess if a little guy like him can take care of him and his sisters for two years on the streets he can be fine in front of a few rockers.

Taylor nods at me and grabs Gail's hand, walking ahead of us. The two walk into the living room, and we are still out of everyone's view. I grab Teddy's shoulder and look at him.

"Are you ready to meet these idiots I call my brothers?" I grin. He nods. "Good, now I've been missing for awhile so if that comes up,you two shouldn't be surprised."

"Is this about you falling asleep at the park?" I laugh and nod.

"Come one." I grab his hand as I carry Phoebe with me.

As I walk into the living room, I see that everyone is here. The guys, girls, John, Justin, Charlie, Ashley, dad, and Mike, the girl's manager. They were that worried? I look on the couch and see Ana talking to Charlie and Ashley. She doesn't look upset anymore, but she makes sure to have a worried look kept on her face.

When people start to notice us, they don't move. Everyone's eyes move to Phoebe and Teddy. Even Ana is staring at them. My eyes try to look for Gracie, but I don't have to look long because she comes speed walking over to us.

"Daddy!" she holds out her arms. I quickly pick her up with my other arm and smile.

"Hi baby girl." I crouch down next to Teddy and stand Phoebe up. I give Gracie a kiss on her cheek, then look at Teddy and Phoebe. "Guys she doesn't say much. She actually just says 'no, yes, and Daddy'"

"Can we try and teach her other things?" Teddy asks. I nod.

"If you want to." I say. I grab Gracie's hand. "Gracie this is Teddy," I use my hand in hers to point him out, "and this is Phoebe." I do the same with her.

"Hi Gracie." Phoebe says quietly. "It's nice to meet you."

Gracie wiggles out of my hold and grabs Phoebe's hand, pulling her to the desk with coloring books. When she sits down Phoebe looks confused, but then Gracie starts showing her what to do. I need to get these kids on the right track and quick. Not to mention that they need medical attention.

I look at Teddy and see that he's pretending to look offended, but then starts laughing. He actually looks happy. The night I met him he looked so vulnerable and tired. He gave most of his clothing to his sister so I knew he was freezing. This kid is actually happy.

"What's so funny?" I ask.

"She finally has someone to play with, and it's not with anyone who's trying to steal from us."

"It's a relief every once in a while isn't it?" he nods.

"Christian?" I hear Elliots voice. Teddy and I slowly look behind us. Everyone is giving us what the fuck stares. Well, besides Gail and Taylor.

"Oh boy…" Teddy says. Everyone looks at him. He looks over at me. "Maybe if a child explains it'll earn you some bonus points." I have to cover my mouth to hold back a laugh.

"How old is this kid?" Luke mutters.

"Anyways, he fell asleep at the park last night-" they don't let him finish. They all rip me a new one.

"What the fuck Christian!" Luke snaps.

"You could have gotten yourself killed!" Elliot bites.

"I don't care what drama you are going through don't put your life on the life just because-" Ethan is stopped.

"STOP!" Teddy shouts. I look over and see that he has Gracie's ears covered and Phoebe covered hers. That kid has some lungs on him. "You jerks didn't let me finish!" he moves his hands. They all look at him in shock.

"Kid that was very disresp-" Hannah starts, but Teddy stops her.

"No ma'am, being disrespectful is not letting someone finish what they were going to say." he snaps. "We wanted him to sing to us last night so that we could fall asleep. It was too cold to sleep last night. He even gave us his gloves and jacket. Instead of leaving he told us about why he left here in the first place. He sang to us as he held me and my sister." Teddy sighs. "No one has held us before, and when he thought he had no one last night he did because he had us."

My heart clenches. These are words from a simple six year old. One that has been on the street for two years without school and he seems so very intelligent. I can't believe he had just said that.

I look over at John and he has a focused look. He's going to have some shit to say about me and Teddy. I'm going to punch him in the face if it pisses me off to the extreme. The rest of the room is just silent, so I get up and grab Teddy's hand and pull him over to where the girls are.

The two look deep in thought, as if they're true artist. But as soon as I mention food their heads pop up. I pick up the two girls and carry them to the kitchen as Teddy follows beside me. As soon as Teddy sees the kitchen his eyes almost pop out of his head.

"This is amazing!" he almost shouts.

"I know." I say, putting Phoebe on one of the stools and getting Gracie set in her highchair, pulling her over to us. "What do you guys want to make?"

"Uh, we aren't really…" Teddy trails off.

"Spaghetti?"

"Yes!" Phoebe claps. "Janet made that for us one time."

"Oh, I remember." Teddy says.

"We can also make brownies after so I can start teaching you how to bake, and also so Gracie and I can have chocolate." Gracie squeals in delight. I chuckle.

"Grab eggs, milk, and butter from the fridge Teddy. Phoebe, you want something to do?" she nods. "Want to help Teddy make the meatballs?"

"Yes please."

I pull out the hamburger meat and roll it out for them. I watch the two of them try and make all of them equal sizes. I gave Gracie playdo so she would think that she was helping out with that part. I start getting the mushrooms, tomatoes, salts, peppers, and rest of the sauces. I have to be careful because both Phoebe and Gracie are allergic to a specific spice. Good thing it's the same thing.

As I begin to mix everything in, I hear someone walk into the kitchen. I turn around and see John and Justin. Justin walks over to me, dramatically lifting up each arm and turning me around. He then grins, patting me on the back.

"This is an awesome thing you're doing man. Have they been to the hospital yet?" I shake my head.

"I was taking them tomorrow, but I don't have any of their things. No social security. No birth certificate. Nothing. I want to get him in school."

"Well, if you try turning them in and they have no family, they might get taken away from you. Since you are so well known things might be different yet can probably persuade them." Justin hints. "You also have a father who can also help you get everything for them. Remember?" I slap my forehead.

"I'm such a dumbass." I whisper.

"Nah, you're just slow." he laughs. "Do you want me to check them over for you?" I look over his shoulder. I nod.

"I need to know if they're okay." he smiles.

"You barely even know them and you are already chin deep man."

"I know. Let's do it after we all eat. They haven't had a proper meal before."

"I'll be listening to the idiots in the living room. Hannah's pissed that she got told off by an eight year old." he smirks.

"He's six." his eyes widen. I nod.

"This should be fun." he runs off.

I look over to the bar and see John talking to the kids. Gracie is playing with his hand as he talks to her as well. John turns to me and hints to my two year old. I grin. She's growing more teeth. I look over at the kids. While Phoebe looks upset as she rolls up the meatballs, Teddy looks annoyed. John, what the fuck did you do…

"What's wrong Teddy?" I ask him. He just looks at John. John looks right back at him, he's a little surprised. I am too.

"I don't trust you." he says looking at John. "You're one of them."

"One of who?" John asks, confused. Poor John. He's never been in a situation like this.

"Just leave me and my sister alone. I'm not trying to be mean, but don't. Just please. Don't." I look over at Phoebe and see that her heads down. "Can we go to our rooms?" I look at Teddy and see that he's talking to me. I nod.

"You wash your hands and I'll come get you when dinner's ready."

The two of them hop off their stools and walk to the sink. Teddy helps Phoebe with hers and after they're done they head to their rooms, most likely to Teddys. I turn towards John. What the hell is wrong with him? You can't just interrogate a six and four year old!

"What the fuck John!" I whisper angrily. He's still in shock.

"Christian, I didn't say anything to them except for hello. I was too busy talking to Gracie. All I did was analyze the way they took in their surroundings which-" he stops mid sentence. His face suddenly turns pale.

"What? John are you okay?" he looks like he's going to be sick. I wrap an arm around his waist as he starts to sway. "Justin! Ana!" the two come walking in here talking amongst one another, but when they see John I see Justin run over and wrap another arm around him.

"What happened?" Justin asks quickly. I shake my head.

"The kids said something. It caused him to be like this." I look at Ana. "Can you watch Gracie? And is their anyone else who can cook? I need to help Justin."

"Ashley can cook." she says grabbing Gracie. "Christian, I don't know about those kids…"

"Don't you dare Ana." I snap. "Some aren't as fortunate as others. At least they're well behaved unlike some." she gapes at me as I pick up John.

"Just take him to the couch." Justin says. I follow his orders and walk out of the kitchen into the living room. John is still just staring off. He looks like I did from the beginning.

Everyone gasps as soon as they see me carrying him. Oh boy. Taylor walks over to me and gives me a look, asking me what happened. I just shake my head making him nod. I lay him down on the sofa.

"What did those kid do?" Mia gasps. "Did they hurt him?"

"Do we need to call an ambulance?" Kate asks.

"Fucking bastard children." I hear Hannah mutter. This is pissing me the fuck off.

The guys are all shouting about why I would bring the little fuckers here's here in the first place. Why I would bring kids that might hurt the family. How could they think that about them? These children cared for me than the own selves…

Before I can snap, dad finally talks. It's like he can't take it anymore. His face is red and his jaw is clenched.

"Do all of you know what these children went through?" he says quietly. "Living in the cold every night and scavenging for goddamn food." my eyes widen at dad's language. Everyone's does. "These children had no one, but when your brother had shown up they finally had someone. How can you say these things? Gracie loves them, and is already teaching a damn four year old what a crayon is. A four year old doesn't know what a crayon is!" he shouts.

John finally sits up and looks our way. He starts crying, causing his brother to rush by his side. John has never cried before.

"What's wrong John?" Justin wraps an arm around his shoulders. "You know you can tell us."

"The angry look in the boys eyes. The terrified look the girl gave me." he cries harder. "I know that look. I fucking know those words. I know that look! They thought I was a child molester." he shakes his head. Shit. Shit. Shit.

The room grows silent besides John's cries, and Justin trying to comfort him. Have the kids been hurt? Their trust is on a tightrope and the only reason they try to trust everyone here is because of me. Am I forcing this on them?

"John, we know you're not." Luke says.

"They don't."

Maybe it would help if I came out with my situation from when I was younger. John would understand, and everyone else would understand those two's situation as well. But what if they don't? Instead, what if they make fun of me?

… This is for John. Fuck their pity.

I just need to get rid of two people. "Charlie,Ashley? Can you two finish dinner for me? I have something to do."

"No problem man. Come on babe." she smiles and walks with him to the kitchen.

Let's get this over with. Wait, I can't do this.

 **Christian's side, Ana's side, or both?**


	32. Chapter 32

**Sadly I know my story is laughable to some. But to one viewer: there are stories out there that are true where four year Olds** _ **actually**_ **took care of infants, not even two year Olds who are homeless. Please look it up. Thanks for the reviews.**

 **I also put whose pov I'm writing for. I don't know how that is confusing. Hope this helps.**

 **Everyone! There is going to be an HEA but there's another story after this one. Remember that we just got over Christian's tumor. We haven't even gotten to the point where they go to their home town.**

 **Christian**

I decide to not tell them my dirty secret. It's mine to keep and they should love these kids whether or not the situation they were in. That's why I can't tell them. But I do need to have John understand why the kids would think this way about him.

"I'll talk to you all at dinner." I say. "John, can I talk to you?" I get up, and hear his footsteps behind me.

I choose my office, the one that we always go and have our sessions at. When we enter the office I take a seat at my usual spot and John does the same. He lays his head on the desk. I would feel the same if a child felt the same way about me. Especially since I'm a father.

"What did you say to them?" he raises his head. Damn, he looks like shit.

"All I did was say hi to them. The rest of the time I was analyzing them." he shakes his head. "I wanted to know how they were taking in their surroundings. That's it!"

"John, they thought you were a child molester. A child molester looks at their victims a certain way, making sure that's their victim. That's how I felt when I was little. That's how those two felt as well. The only thing is, they didn't know you were a psychiatrist. They didn't know you were trying to figure out their mood."

"Fuck, maybe I should tell people before I try to psychoanalyze them." he runs a hand through his hair. "Can you help me fix things with them?"

"Come on." I wave my hand towards the door. "Let's do it now." I open the door.

We head out of the office and head down to Teddy's room. I don't want John to feel like this. Especially when his child is on the way.

When we make it to Teddy's room I knock on the door. When I hear the words 'Come in' come through the door. I walk in. As I walk in I see Teddy and Phoebe on the bed watching TV. They look tired. When Teddy notices John he quickly sits up. I hold my hand up.

"Teddy, he isn't what you think he is." I say. "He's a psychiatrist."

"Then why was he looking-" I stop him.

"He was trying to figure out how you guys were liking the place. Figure out your mood." Teddy looks at John. He just keeps staring at him, but nods after a moment.

"Okay." he looks at his sister.

I guess dinner is almost ready. I wave for everyone to follow me. Phoebe climbs back in my arms and we all walk back to the living room. When we reach the room, no one is in here. They're most likely in the kitchen. John walks ahead of us and guides us to the kitchen. Thank goodness. Hopefully this isn't an awkward dinner.

When we make it to the kitchen everyone is making their plates and taking a seat at the table. People are talking amongst themselves and it's not as bad anymore.

"Can I make you a plate?" John asks Teddy. I watch Teddy bite his cheek. He finally nods.

"I'm sorry." I hear Teddy whisper to him.

"It's fine, I didn't think." he takes both their plates to the table. I watch them sit at the table by Justin who is surprised to see them talking.

I take both of mine and Phoebe's plates to the table. She's sitting by Teddy and Gracie. I am sitting by Ana and Gracie. The tension seems to have grown since the silence seems to be going on. Before I finally give up and take the kids and me to the kitchen bar and eat, Teddy speaks.

"So, why the band?" he asks looking at all the guys. They just shrug.

"I heard Christian singing in the backyard one day and I thought it was a great idea." El says. Teddy frowns.

"That's it?" El nods. "One of you must have a story. Right?" Teddy looks at all of us. "Because a psychiatrist is here."

"He's six." Hannah's jaw drops. "What the fuck.

"I told you he's smart." Justin smirks.

"Seriously, why did you start the band?" Teddy asks. We stay silent.

"You already know why I did." I tell him. He nods.

"My parents honestly didn't care for me." Ethan says.

"Neither did mine. That's why." Luke says. "It helps us push away the pain of losing what we really never had." he sighs.

My mind wanders over to the guys reasons. I wanted to joined this band because my past constantly haunts me. My mom gave me up, never wanting me so that I could be tortured. Now I realize that Luke and Ethan were given up as well. Their parents never wanting to be apart of their lives again. Elliot just wanted to be apart of the band, well, because he's Elliot.

"Aren't you guys in a band?" a watch Phoebe ask the girls. "What's your reason for being in this band?" she asks silently. The girls look at Ana.

Kate looks at Phoebe and gives a small smile. "Ana is our reason. We did it to help her." Kate says.

"I was an angry person when I was a teenager after something happened to me. I needed to find something to let that anger out. So singing was my way out." Ana finally says.

"We heard her and decided to help her. Mia didn't come till later on though. She became our friend a year after the band started." Hannah explains. Phoebe nods.

"What happened to you two?" Luke asks out of the blue. Hannah slaps his arm. "I don't mean to be forward, but you're a six year old taking care of a four year old. I'm curious."

"Luke, you can't just ask them that." I snap. He gives me a look. He knows that I know.

"Our mother was killed since our dad lied to this certain man. Then he was taken away as the men searched for me and my sister." he explains. He takes another bite of his food.

"Wow." Hannah says. "And we were complete assholes."

"Homeless children walking into your home?" he asks. "Don't worry about it. Everyone has their own story, right?" he cuts his eyes over to mine, then looks back at Hannah.

"How can you talk so well and your sister can't?" Ethan asks. Teddy looks at Phoebe and smiles.

"Phoebe can talk, she just doesn't want to. We may have lived on the streets, but that doesn't mean we didn't learn. We were taught by several veterans and a college student who went into debt and lost everything. She majored in business."

"So you two know more than you should." dad asks Teddy. He just shrugs.

"I honestly don't know."

"Oh, I want to test this theory. Do you mind Teddy?" dad asks.

"No sir." I shake my head.

"Not until tomorrow dad." I say. "After dinner Justin is checking on them then they're getting rest. It's up to them though."

"I don't mind at all." Teddy says.

Everyone gets through dinner now. The talking is much peaceful and some are joking around. Phoebe and Gracie are making faces at each, playing with their noodles. I look beside me and realize that Ana has been quiet. Her eyes have been focused on the kids.

Later on after putting all the kids in bed, which took singing to all three of them, Ana and I get ourselves ready for the night to be over with. Tomorrow I'm telling everyone that I've had my memory. I can't keep lying to them. Look what it did to me and Ana.

I pull on a pair of sweatpants and walk over to the bed. I pull the covers up and crawl under. I'm going to be out soon after this day. The kids know where to find me if they need me, so I don't have to constantly worry about that all night.

Ana walks out of the bathroom, brushing her hair. She's wearing a pair of small sleep shorts and a white tank top. I sigh. I can't believe she loves me.

Ana stops in front of me. "Christian, why did you pick these kids?" she throws her hands up. "There's many other children on the streets, but I want to know why you picked them." she looks so confused.

"Ana, I-" I stop. Fuck it. If this is what it takes to make her understand my reason for caring for these kids, then so be it. I see myself in them. I can give them a better start to life.

"Ana, I picked them because I see myself in them." she frowns. "My mom gave me up on my fourth birthday to her pimp. I was sold to men and women. I lost count of how many. When I grew older I grew so used to everything that I became a simple prostitute. I started drinking at the age of nine just to block out the pain from the beatings. When the alcohol didn't work, I did drugs."

I keep my eyes down. This is never something I wanted to share with her. The humiliation of it all. Of being raped and beaten. The names I was called. The pictures they took. What if they still have them? I'm going to be sick.

I feel Ana grab my hand, and she threads her fingers with mine. Pity doesn't cover her face, but anger and sadness.

"That's all I needed to know." she sighs. "I knew there was something important about them. You usually keep your focus on Gracie. Now it's split between them. It's cute."

"I just want them to have someone Ana. They never have. I want to be that someone." I whisper.

"I know baby." she squeezes my hand.

"You're not disgusted?" I ask. Angers back.

"I'm repulsed!" she growls. "If I find any of them, I'll kill them Christian. I promise you that. Even that woman who left you." she blows out a breath.

"Calm down. It's in the past baby." I say quietly. She glares at me, but then stops.

"So?" she asks.

"What? You aren't hunting them down Ana." I roll my eyes.

"No Christian. When are we adopting them?" she asks.

I gape at her. Did she just say what I just think she did?


	33. Chapter 33

**Hi everyone,**

 **I wanted to update all of you on this story and what is going to happen next. There will be an HEA, I promise you that. But all of you have to remember that a lot has happened and I can't put all of it into this story.**

 **There will be another add on just like this was to** _ **The Contestant.**_ **I want all of you to enjoy this story slowly and not rushed. So please don't keep asking if there will be an HEA, because now you know that there will be.**

 **Yours truly,**

 **Firstlove22**


	34. Chapter 34

**Don't worry guys, I'm not letting them get to me. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm adding real life to this story. The reason why is because they need help. Thank you.**

 **Now, who's ready for Teddy's POV?**

 **Teddy**

Phoebe had gotten scared during the first night of being here. A huge storm came and it was as if it was from the _Wizard of Oz._ Phoebe had to come to my room and hide under the covers. Lightning filled the room and branches hit the bedroom window. I guess being in a bedroom is completely different than a shelter where there's no windows at all.

It's morning and I decided to help Phoebe with her bath. Having to help her with everything throughout the years was part of my job. The last time I left her alone I almost lost her. I'm never leaving her alone again.

I tell Phoebe to pick out the outfit she wants from the bag we had gotten from the very big man. He reminded me of those two veterans who took care of Phoebe and me until they disappeared. Taylor does as well. I think that's why my sister likes him so much. It brings back memories of the men who we actually thought of as family.

After I finish running Phoebe a bath, I walk out to tell her. She has her new clothes in her hand and she smiles at me.

"It's ready." I tell her. "Your towel is by the tub okay?" she rolls her eyes.

"Okay dad." I sigh in annoyance.

"Just take your bath." I grab my clothes as she walks into the Bathroom.

I grab a pair of ripped jeans. I guess the guys are only used to shopping for rockstars. I then grab a gray long sleeved shirt, throwing it on with my socks and converse. I just let my curls fall loose today and put the ones that cover my face behind my ear. Clothes that actually fit and aren't damp is relaxing.

I still can't believe what Grey had said to me. He just wants to be the one that helps us. He doesn't want us to do anything for the clothes. Taking care of us was enough to him. In his eyes, Phoebe and I were him.

I hear the door to the bathroom open and when I turn around I see Phoebe. She has a smile spread across her face, it's so big that her dimples are showing. She's holding on to the sides of her dress.

"Look Teddy!" she says excitedly. "It's so pretty!" She twirls in a circle wearing a white long-sleeved dress with her red converse.

"Very pretty Pheobs. Now come on." I wave her to the door. "We're up early, so we might have to wait awhile for everyone to wake up."

We walk down the hallway, making sure to be quiet as we go. There are multiple doors on each side of every wall. This place is very big. I honestly don't know how someone could spend money on a place this big. Why not just a simple family home with seven rooms. Not twenty. It's a waste of money. I guess they just have their reasons though.

When we make it into the living room we see Grey. He's sitting on the couch, still in his pajamas, and it looks like he hasn't slept in hours. His eyes keep trying to close, but he runs a hand over his face. I walk over to him, trying not to scare him, and sit on the other side of the room. Phoebe basically jumps on him.

"Holy shit!" he exclaims. When he sees that it's us his eyes widen. "Excuse my language." I laugh.

"Don't worry about it Grey." I tell him as he pulls Phoebe onto his lap. "Phoebe…"

"It's fine Teddy." Grey chuckles. "She's basically an older Gracie."

"I can see that." Gracie and Phoebe are alike in personality. I've never seen my sister this safe around anyone before.

"So, what are you two doing up so early?" he asks me. "It's only six in the morning."

"We usually have to wake up early to find somewhere else to stay. Somewhere safer. Even staying here, the feeling won't go away until we're used to it." I tell him. He nods. "Why are you up so early? It doesn't look like you want to be awake."

"Nightmares." he says quietly. That surprises me.

"You had a nightmare?" Phoebe looks up at him. He nods at her.

"What was it about?" he flinches.

"It's not something I can tell you in depth, but I'll tell you that it's what happened to me when I was little." he explains.

Phoebe wraps her arms around his neck. Oh Pheobs. Please don't get clingy. I don't want to get kicked out of this place.

"If you don't want to have a nightmare sleeping with something I loved always helped me. So when I have a nightmare, I always have Teddy protect me." she says quietly. "Have you tried that?"

Grey sighs, then wraps his arms around her. "I haven't in awhile sweetheart." he then smiles. "But I will. Maybe that will help me. Thank you Phoebe."

"So, what do you do at this time in the morning?" I ask.

"I'm usually in the studio. We have our first show in less than two weeks, so I figured let's get more songs wrote." he stands up, with my sister still in his arms. "Follow me. Studio is up the stairs."

I follow him out of the living room and into the foyer. My eyes follow him as he walks up the stairs with Phoebe. I follow him and when we reach the top I look around, amazed. It's just an open area. No doors except for one in the far corner. This looks like another living room, except more for watching movies.

I keep following Grey as he walks to the door to the far corner. When he opens it, he turns on the lights as he walks in. When I walk into the room I have to stop myself from passing out. This room is amazing. It's not like one of those cheesy recording studios I always seen in the newspaper stands, but it's his very own.

All kinds of things are spread out around the room. He's probably going to have to explain what everything is to us. The floors are wood and the walls are Phoebe's favorite color, red. Many instruments are in this room, but I don't know what many of them are. I know that the one in the center is a piano because the girl, who went to college that helped us, loved music.

When he sets Phoebe down, he walks over to the piano. I'm guessing that's his instrument of choice. I watch him sit down and run his fingers over the top of the black and white keys.

"So, are you the only one who plays the piano?" I ask, walking over to him. He nods. "Yes. The piano is a beautiful instrument to play. It's how I write most of my music."

"Yet, you just sing." Phoebe says quietly "Why don't you ever play on stage?"

"I never even thought of that. I guess fans are just so used to seeing all of us together, and not just me." he explains.

"It wouldn't have to be just you." I hint. "You may be the singer, but they sing too. Let them sing around you as an echo. They can literally all stand around the piano to show how you all are a family." I shrug.

"You're not six." he murmurs.

"Would everyone stop saying that!" I stomp my foot. It's annoying.

"Okay, I see it again." Grey chuckles. "So you know about music?"

"The girl who taught us was a double major. Business and music. Probably why she went into debt."

"Very inspiring Teddy." He rolls his eyes. "Are you two ready to be my judges?"

He pats the bench he's sitting on. We rush over and sit by him. Being close up to a piano is incredible. It's shiny, but I guess things need to be in great shape for rockers. Grey has music sheets in front of him with the words underneath. I wish I could read music. He has a look of concentration on his face and I watch him move his hand to the top of the piano to pick up a pencil. He erases a word and changes it. He finally looks happy with it. Thank goodness.

"Happy?" I laugh. He grins.

"I'm usually quick with my songs, but this has been taking a few weeks. I guess I've had a mental block." he scratches his head.

"Okay, we're ready to start the judging. Even though we're not your usual fans?" he chuckles.

He shakes his hands then puts them to the piano, running them over the piano. Phoebe and I look at each other when we here the words come through his mouth. This song is going to be great.

 _Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh  
How did our eyes get so red?  
And what the hell is on Eli's head?_

 _This is where I grew up  
I think the present owner fixed it up  
I never knew we ever went without  
The second floor is hard for sneakin' out_

 _And this is where I went to school  
Most of the time I had better things to do  
Criminal record says I broke in twice  
I must of done it half a dozen times_

 _I wonder if it's too late  
Should I go back and try to graduate?  
Lot's better now than it was back then  
If I was them, I wouldn't let me in  
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, God, I_

 _Every memory of lookin' out the back door  
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Good bye, good bye  
Every memory of walkin' out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Good bye, good bye, good bye_

 _Remember the old arcade?  
Blew every dollar that we ever made  
The cops hated us hangin' out  
They said somebody went and burnt it down_

 _We use to listen to the radio  
And sing along with every song we know  
We said someday we'd find out how it feels  
To sing to more than just a steering wheel_

 _Kim's the first girl I kissed  
I was so nervous that I nearly missed  
She's had a couple of kids since then  
I haven't seen her since God knows when  
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, God, I_

 _Every memory of lookin' out the back door  
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Good bye, good bye  
Every memory of walkin' out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Good bye, good bye, good bye_

 _I miss that town  
I miss their faces  
You can't erase  
You can't replace it  
I miss it now  
I can't believe it  
So hard to stay  
Too hard to leave it_

 _If I could relive those days  
I know the one thing that would never change_

 _Every memory of lookin' out the back door  
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Good bye, good bye  
Every memory of walkin' out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin' for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Good bye, good bye, good bye_

 _Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh  
Every time I do it makes me_

He slows down to a stop. Phoebe and I immediately start clapping. That was awesome! Maybe one of his best songs that I've heard so far.

"That was great Grey. Perfect actually." I tell him. He looks at me.

"Really?" he raises an eyebrow. "It's usually harder to impress a child."

"It was good. What's the meaning behind it?" I ask. He sighs loudly.

"How come nothing gets past you?" I shrug.

"Well?" I ask.

"Many things have happened in my life. Not just mine. Some of it has to do with our memories. Some of us had bad high school years. So I'm trying to incorporate it with both memory and our bad and good pasts. Understand?" I nod. "The song is for our next show. The one after our national one."

"Where's your next one?" I ask. He grins.

"Our hometown. The guys and girls will be excited."

"Everyone will be excited to see you again. Won't they?" I ask.

"They will." he says. "I especially can't wait for you two and Gracie to meet my grandmother and grandfather."

"Wait." I stop him. "We are going with you?"

"I wouldn't just leave you two." he says, pulling Phoebe back onto his lap. She looks tired. She stayed up all night because of that stupid storm.

"Thank you." she says.

"I told you not to thank me for something I'm supposed to already be doing." he kisses her forehead and stands up. "Let's get her back in bed Teddy. Both of you."

"I'm not-" he stops me.

"Then just lay down in bed and watch TV." he looks at me for a moment. "Also, change back into your pajamas. I'm not throwing you two out Teddy. Don't be scared. You're safe here. You two are the families to protect understand?"

"They don't like us." Phoebe whispers. I frown, then agree with her. She's right. Only a few like us.

Grey sighs, then sits back down. "I talked to the family last night. They now understand what you guys are going through. There's just so many people out there dressing their own kids up as homeless just to get free things. Hannah especially didn't like it." he leans his head against my sisters. "I talked to my girlfriend, Ana. She likes you two. She just wanted to know why I picked the two of you, and you guys already know why." we nod. "Everyone will start being nicer, and not because they're being forced to. They just want to understand you two more."

"Okay, I just don't want to make anybody mad." I tell him. He shakes his head.

"You won't. Now come on." he gets back up. "Let's get you two back to bed."

As we walk back to mine and Phoebes room all I keep thinking about is everyone in this family. Grey said he would keep us until another would come along. I don't want that. I want them. They are all a challenge, but they already care for us.

I want to stay in this family. They all love each other. Especially when they are scared that Phoebe and me would do something to harm Grey.

I want someone to love and hold my sister. I can do one thing, but I can't do the other. Something she needs. I want my baby sister to have that.


	35. Chapter 35

**Christian**

We are back in the living room again. I need to be honest with the rest of my family and tell them the news about the new additions. Hopefully everyone will take this well, but it's been weeks since I've remembered everything so I highly doubt that.

I walk over to the window on the other side of the room and notice that it's begun to rain. That's all it's done for the past three days is storm. It seems to know when hell is allowed up on earth. That when I need one bit of light it's not fucking there. I'm tired of this sappy bullshit. I miss being myself and getting back to what things used to be. Maybe telling them everything will get everything out in the open.

I look at the family and see that they're either just setting back on the couches or playing with the kids. When I tell Mia and Ethan about the news they'll be ecstatic. This news means that they are able to start preparing for their wedding. They will be upset about me keeping this secret from them though.

I walk back over to the family and take a seat in front of everyone. Ana notices the look on my face. She already knows what I'm about to say. Well wish me luck baby, because I'm about to go on a bumpy road.

"Okay guys, I need to tell everyone of you something that's important. I also meant everyone." I look at the two newest members. They smile.

"Okay man, speed things up." Luke says.

"Okay." I put my face in my hands. This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Come on Christian!" Ethan snaps.

"I have my memory back." I blurt.

For a moment, the room is silent. I figured this would happen. Either this or mostly yelling from all of them. John and Ana prepared me for that but not this. John made sure that the anger built up inside me. Ana yelled at me herself. Now though. The time has moved on so the silence is starting to fuck with my head. Time to put an end to it.

"Okay, wake up guys." I groan, putting a hand to my face. I watch Elliot finally snap out of it.

"Sorry bro, did you fucking say you have your memory back?" I nod. "How long?"

"Almost four weeks ago." gasps fill the room causing me to roll my eyes. So fucking dramatic.

"What the fuck Chris!" Luke snaps. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? Does anyone else but us know?"

"Only John, Taylor, and Ana." I tell them, crossing my arms. "I didn't want to tell you earlier because I wasn't ready. It's not a good excuse, but I wasn't and can all of you watch your language?" I ask.

"You weren't ready?" Ethan looks annoyed. "We have been going through complete hell because you've been holding this secret back."

This is pissing me off. I did this for all of us but instead it's gone to complete fucking hell. The only good thing that's come out of it is Phoebe and Teddy. I'm sick of the goddamn fighting and lying that I'm putting them through but you know what, it's what I fucking wanted. It was my choice. I'm sick of letting everyone pick the decisions for me especially ever since the gunshot. I want to live my life. Live for my fucking family.

"All of you shut up." I snap. "You think all of you have been going through hell? Think about me! Remember when you had to protect Ana when I had my nightmare? I can't even sleep with the woman I love without being scared that I might kill her in my sleep!" I shout.

"Chris, we didn't mean i-" Elliot starts, but I stop him.

"Do you really want to hear me tell you how I remember Leila shooting me in the chest and you guys watching me?" I ask them. "Is that something you really want to hear me remember?"

"We get it Christian." Luke stands up. "Okay, we understand."

"No you don't!" I shout, as John takes the kids out of the room. "I'm sick of all of you saying that you understand but you fucking don't! Do you think I want the memories to constantly be reminded? No! When I already have enough memories as it is?" I look down. "None of you will ever fucking understand. Never."

"What can we do to make you not push us away?" Elliot asks, pain in his eyes.

"I'm not pushing you guys away. I'm seeing my kids." I shrug. "Now Ethan and Mia can start on their wedding."

I walk away from them and head toward the room where John took the kids. Shit, I guess I'll have to wait and tell the kids about the adoption. I need to calm down before anything because I want Ana with me for this. Also, I need dad to go ahead and get the adoption papers filled out. He can help me with that, especially when these two don't have social security and birth certificates. He's bringing them in later this week so we can get them filled out. I'm excited for this and I can't wait.

When I walk up the stairs, I call out the kids name. First I go to both of their bedrooms, then Gracies. Afterwards I go to the library but they're still not there. Where the hell are they. I check most of the rooms but still can't find any of them. Leaning against the wall I think. Where would those two go? Where would they know to go? Shit, why does this place have to be so big.

Top floor…

I walk up the stairs to the studio. This should have been the first place I had looked. Those two had loved this room. Even Gracie loves this room.

When I walk closer to the door I hear talking. Damn, I left my kids with John. Shit, I left John with my kids. Oh boy. I turn the knob and walk in.

When I step through the door I notice that John and all the kids are sitting in a circle, talking to one another. Well, Teddy and John are talking to each other about something but Gracie and Phoebe seem to be just listening to the conversation. I need to get those two to open up to all of us. Phoebe talks more than Gracie at least, but I think that's because she's a little older.

I walk over and sit down beside Teddy and Gracie. Teddy gives an annoyed look at John. I chuckle.

"What's going on?" I ask. John looks at me.

"Oh, nothing." Teddy glares at him.

"Nothing? Liar." Teddy says. "John wants to know about us. So I think in order for him to know about us he has to talk about himself."

"Sounds reasonable." I tell Teddy. "Now that you mention it, John hasn't talked about himself at all. Something a psychiatrist is supposed to do." I grin at John. He just rolls his eyes.

"I don't care talking about myself." he sighs. "But if it makes you feel more comfortable I'll talk about myself. Alright?" he says looking at Teddy.

"You were supposed to be doing that in the first place weren't you?" Teddy asks.

"Oh shut up." John says childishly. I laugh.

"Wow John, I've never heard you act like such a brat." he waves me off.

"Yeah, yeah. So I'm guessing you don't want to see your family at the moment." I nod. "Well you two are right, I will talk about myself but Phoebe and Teddy will also explain themselves as well. Okay?"

Teddy and Phoebe nod while I pull Gracie onto my lap. This isn't my session. This is basically a session between the kids and John. I want to know if John has any secrets he has to get out that are fucking him up right now. Psychiatrist usually share a special part of themselves with their clients. John needs to do that right now if he wants the kids to talk to him.

"What do you want me to say?" John asks. Teddy just shrugs.

"That's up to you. It doesn't have to be a dark secret, but just something about you. Don't be such a closed book." Teddy sighs, laying on his stomach.

"I think you've met your match John." he groans.

"I know." he's silent for a moment but then he looks deep in thought.

"Figure something out?" I ask. He nods.

"Grey knows that my wife is pregnant, and I've been trying to do everything to make her happy." wait… "I'm terrified right now. Terrified of being a dad. Afraid that I'm going to mess everything up or make a wrong move. The only thing that's been keeping my mind off it is Grey." he grins at me. I can't help but laugh.

"Even psychiatrist need a little help. Don't worry John." Teddy tells him. "When Phoebe and I found the first shelter we ever stayed in, I felt the same way."

"What do you mean?" John asks. I look over at Teddy who is resting his chin on his arms.

"You are scared of being a dad right now right?" John nods. "I was only four when I had to become a dad for my baby sister. It was only scary for the first day or two until I realized that those monsters I always feared had to be conquered if I wanted to keep her safe. John, you will do something completely stupid but you love your kid. Right?" Teddy asks.

"Of course I do."

"Then don't be scared. The only thing you should be scared about is when the mother gives birth." I watch Teddy pale. "A woman was screaming in one of the shelters we went to and when I went to check on her I realized she-" he shivers. "Goodluck."

"Ah shit." John mutters under his breath.

"Wow… I thought you were the psychiatrist." I whisper in John's ear. He shoves me in the arm.

We spend the rest of the day upstairs. Gail brings us dinner and sits down with us as well. She's impressed with Teddy's knowledge and wants to get to know more about him. Taylor had shown up a few minutes after her. Since enough time has passed though, I decided to take Gracie back downstairs. She is still playing with the kids but I know the family wants to see them. I'm not that much of an asshole.

With Gracie in my arms, the two of us walk down stairs to the first floor. I wonder where the family is? I know both brothers, Gail and Taylor are upstairs with the kids but where is everyone else? I walk to the living room and still see no one there. When I walk my way to the kitchen the lights are out from my view. I look down at Gracie.

"Where are they baby?" she just sighs. "Thanks for the help Grace." I groan.

I keep walking and check out front to see if their cars are here. It looks like all of theirs are here and they haven't moved. Good, that means they're still here. I guess time to keep looking because Gracie needs to see her mommy before bed.

As I walk past the patio, I see light outside. That better not be them or I'll fucking kill them. Oh, deep breath Grey. When I walk closer I see it's the rest of the girls and guys. I also see Charlie, Ashley, and Ana. They're all sitting out back talking with a beer in hand.

Damn, I should be mad right now. Shouldn't I? This should be pissing me the fuck off. I honestly don't care, though. Having my memories come back, showing how much I've lost. Them just doing this one simple thing isn't shit. That's what I remember about myself. I think about others before myself. I honestly never cared for my well-being if it meant ruining someone's happiness. That's what my mom taught me. Mom always taught me to care for others before myself, but that doesn't mean never stop taking care of myself.

I better leave them alone. I'll put Gracie to bed so she doesn't have to go to sleep alone. At least when she falls asleep I'll leave.

I walk us to Gracie's room. Her room is the color of a daisy. Ana thought a vibrant color would be something beautiful for Gracie to wake up too. I got a slap on the head when I rolled my eyes. She's finally able to fit in a toddler bed, so I'm able to lay right beside her on the floor as I read. She was upset at first when I wouldn't hold her, like Ana does, but I'm not safe like her mommy.

As I put Gracie down, I hear multiple footsteps running down the hallway. Oh boy. I bet I know who that is. When the door flings open in comes busting Phoebe and Teddy. The two have grins on their faces. What are they so happy about?

"What's going on?" I ask. Teddy grabs Gracie's and Phoebe's hand and they run to the bookshelf. "That's what you two wanted?"

"Who doesn't want a good bedtime story?" Teddy points out. I ruffle his curly hair.

"You're right. So what story do you guys want?" I ask.

I watch all three of them talking amongst themselves. Are they really talking to each other? Is Gracie really talking to Teddy and Phoebe? I watch as her lips move and brow furrows as if she's arguing with him. Does she not just want to talk with us? Maybe Teddy and Phoebe can help open up her personality.

The three finally stop arguing and turn around. In Gracie's hand is _The Very Hungry Caterpillar._ I look between all of them to make sure that they all want this. I get nods from everyone. Teddy doesn't seem to honestly care, but hands me the book. I guess he wants me to read to the girls.

"My room Grey." Teddy says. "It's right down the hall."

"No Teddy." I'm not fucking doing that shit. What if..

"It's not like you're falling asleep." Teddy says annoyed. "Come on. Just one story." he whines.

"One!" I say annoyed, pulling Gracie into my arms. "I swear Teddy, you are annoying at times."

"You like me though?" he asks. "Right?" I can't help but laugh.

"Of course I do, both of you. Now come on."

When we walk down the hallway to Teddy's room, Teddy and Phoebe run and jump on the bed. They curl up under the blanket by each other and get prepared for the story. Gracie wiggles out of my hold just to be over there with the two of them. As soon as she is with them they let her under the blanket. I've never heard Gracie giggle that much before unless she's hurting Luke. She's already forming a bond with her future brother and sister.

I walk over to the three of them and get on the bed. Teddy decided to choose my left side while Gracie is curled up in my right arm with Phoebe. I can't believe they chose this story. I haven't read this story in years. It's a great story though.

Throughout the story Teddy and I had to re-read certain parts to Phoebe and Gracie because they couldn't read the word. We even had to point out the color. They did really well especially Phoebe. She almost read everything in the book.

Right now everyone is asleep but Teddy. He knows about my nightmares, but he says nothing about them at this moment. He's one of those kids with a very smart intellect. Over these past few days I've noticed how his intelligence has risen, but that's just me discovering it. What if he discovers more about me, about his new father? What if he is ashamed to be adopted by me?

"Grey, would you go to sleep?" Teddy asks annoyed.

"Not tired."

"You're lying." he accuses. "Just go to sleep."

"Would you shut up?" I ask.

"Uh, no?"

"Just go to sleep okay?" he sighs loudly. "I'll go to sleep after you."

"I know you're lying, but okay."

He lays his head against my shoulder and it begins to get heavy. I look over at my beautiful Gracie and see that she is silently snoring. My eyes cut to Phoebe, and I see that she has her arms wrapped around Gracie. I can't wait to tell them. I can't wait for these two to be mine.

When I look back at Teddy, I see that he's already fast asleep. I want to move from my spot. But I just don't have anyone to move my girls and little boy from my arms tonight. That's an excuse right? So, I guess my ass is staying up all night.

I pull my girls closer as Teddy sighs in annoyance.


	36. Chapter 36

**Ana**

All of us are sitting around the fire pit outside. There's not much talking because we're still shocked by Christian's outburst. Usually Christian just sits there ignoring what's thrown at him, one of his traits I never liked, but I guess we finally pushed him. I didn't know that's how he felt about this whole situation, and I slapped him. I didn't even let him explain. I told him I loved him but I've become a bitch.

I wish I would have pushed him to open up more. I wonder if he hates us right now because that's not my Christian.

"What do you guys think about what he told us?" Hannah asks. She looks at me. "Why didn't you say anything? Is that why you disappeared?"

"Yeah, and it wasn't my place to tell you guys." I sit my beer down. "Why was I such a bitch to him."

"Did he tell you all of this when he told you about him remembering?" Luke asks. I shake my head.

"No."

"Then don't take it so hard on yourself, but we all shouldn't have been assholes to him since especially what he's been through."

"You fucking got that right." Elliot says.

I hear the sliding glass doors open and see both Flynn brothers walk out with Gail and Taylor. They grab seats by everyone and have smiles on their faces, well, except for John. He looks exhausted.

"What's up with you John?" Ethan asks before me. He just falls deeper into his seat.

"It's bad when a six year old has an intellect of a grown man. He's like my very own damn psychiatrist." he groans. Justin laughs.

"It's true. Teddy is fucking awesome." John flips Justin off. "He was causing John's mind to fuck up."

"How?" Mia asks. John shakes his head.

"We are keeping the shit we talked about to ourselves up there." John says. "Unless they want to tell you, then don't push them."

I guess Teddy and Phoebe went through more than I thought. Hopefully Carrick can get the adoption papers processed quickly so that the kids are actually ours. I want Teddy to be in school and experience regular things so that he can gain friends instead of having to always being a guardian for his own sister. Things need to change for him and Phoebe both.

I wonder what Christian and the kids are doing. I feel bad for leaving all of them alone but Christian needed space from all of us. This whole fight between us had shown that he just needed to be with someone who is willing to let him talk. Willing to let him talk without yelling.

The kids.

"Guys, I'm going to go check on Christian and the kids." I stand up.

"Good luck." Kate says. "Don't say anything you'll regret."

"I know better now." I sigh then look over at Taylor. "Where's he at?"

"Well, he was coming to find you so that you could say goodnight to Gracie." he says. "He probably couldn't find you, so I would try her room or one of the kids rooms."

"Fuck I love that man." I shake my head getting up.

I walk back into the house and close the door behind me. Walking through the kitchen, I turn off the lights as I go. When I go down the hallway I notice that Teddy's bedroom light is still on. When I walk by Gracie's and Phoebe's room I skip them and just move forward. I carefully turn the doorknob and open the door. What I see on the other side shocks me.

All of the kids are curled up around Christian's sides, fast asleep. That's not what shocks me though. When I look at Christian I notice that he's fallen asleep with them. I can't help but smile. He may not be able to sleep in bed with me but at least he feels safety with these three.

I take a quick picture of the four of them and walk over. Christian really loves the new additions to the family. I need to get to know them but so much fighting has happened that the three of us haven't been able to really talk. I'll talk to them tomorrow and hopefully Christian and I will tell them about the adoption.

I give Gracie, Phoebe and Teddy a kiss on the cheek. Then I bring my lips to Christian's.

"I love all of you." I whisper.

I walk out of the room and head to mine and I think Christian's room. I honestly don't know anymore. I just want our relationship to be what it used to be.

When I enter our room I head for the bathroom, stripping out of my clothes. I walk to the shower and slide open the glass doors. Turning on the shower, I wait for the water to warm up. I walk over to the cabinet and grab a towel and set it on the counter, then walk over climbing under the water.

I wonder how the guys will do on their upcoming concert. Charlie was able to get them a performance on TV with an interview but I don't know how Christian will be during this. What if he freaks out because of the stress? I don't want anything to happen to him again.

"Shit, calm down Ana." I tell myself. I grab the shampoo and squirt some into my hand.

"What's wrong?" before I can fall, strong arms wrap around me. When I look up I see Christian looking down at me.

"What the hell Christian! You scared the shit out of me." I grip my chest. "You're supposed to be asleep."

"I'll go back to sleep when we're done taking a shower." he smiles.

"You were awake. Weren't you?" he spins me around.

"I have no idea what you are talking about baby." he tries to remove that adorable smile off his face but is unsuccessful. "Yeah, I was awake. So you do love those kids?"

"Of course I do. I know I've barely spent any time with them but they are sweethearts. Don't doubt my love for them Christian." his eyes soften. The tension he had before is now gone.

Before I can even begin to wash my hair, Christian presses his lips against mine pushing me against the wall. I wrap my arms tight around his neck, deepening the kiss and running my tongue along his. A groan escapes between his beautiful soft lips. Running his hands down my legs, he picks me up by my thighs so that I'm able to wrap them around his hips. I don't know what has me slick, the shower or Christian. I just know that it's been over a year since I've had him and I need him now.

Christian begins trailing a path with his lips down my chest. Just get it the fuck over with!

"Christian, don't!" I whine, pulling the bastard closer. All this gets out of him is a small chuckle. This isn't funny when his cock is right at my entrance.

"Don't what Ana?" he asks, running his tongue along my breast. This man's going to kill me.

"Don't mess with me Christian." I whimper as he bites down on my nipple. "Fuck it. Keep messing with me."

"Trust me. I will baby." he says as he slowly enters me. I bury my face in the side of his neck as his breathing grows heavy. "Look at me Ana. I've waited over a year to see that beautiful look on your face when you come. A year is just too long." I raise my head and lean it against the tiled wall.

He quickens his pace as the grip I have on his back tightens. I can feel the muscles in his back moving beneath my hands as he moves. I move my hands to his face and bring his lips back to mine. Running his tongue along my bottom lip I give him an entrance. He slams harder into me as the kiss grows more progressive. I feel my walls tightening around him.

"Come for me baby." Christian practically growls against my cheek. Christian's name falls through my lips as my orgasm rips through me.

Christian sets me back down as soon as our orgasm washes over us. I have to hold on to his shoulders to keep my balance if I don't I'm going to bust my ass. I guess Christian takes notice because he starts laughing.

"Not funny asshole." I bite his neck.

"You know, doing that shit only turns me on more baby." he starts stalking towards me.

"Christian, stop acting like a teenager." I whine. He wraps an arm around me.

"How long have you known me Ana?" he grins. "I'm not acting." I roll my eyes.

"Let's get clean you dirty boy so we can get some sleep." I put my had up. "I know Christian, you're dirty." he flutters his eyelashes. I giggle.

It takes over thirty minutes for Christian and I to bathe each other. He was being so damn childish that I didn't know what to do with his ass. He kept poking at me, but the looks he threw towards me were fucking precious. Every time I looked at him I wanted to melt. But the reason we couldn't leave the shower was because of his teasing ass. He kept messing with me and I was enjoying it too high ends if I do say so myself. I just don't know who's the one who's more tired.

Wrapping my robe around me, Christian dries himself off and carries me to the bedroom. I watch as he lays the comforter back, and then he lays me down. Shit, I'm just too fucking tired to care.

"Are you going to lay with me tonight?" I whisper. He sighs.

"I'm going to try baby, but if something happens to you-" I stop him.

"It won't. I promise. I miss you sleeping with me. No wonder everything felt different." I frown.

"Well, tonight I'm keeping security outside the door incase something happens." he explains. "Understand?" I nod.

"Christian?" he looks over at me. "I love you so much."

"I love you too baby." he gets on the bed and pulls me close to him. He turns off the lamp then grips my hand in his.

I've missed this so much.


	37. Chapter 37

**Ana**

Why the fuck does it feel like a boulder is on me? Groaning, I look over. Christian.

So last night wasn't a dream. It actually happened! Christian actually slept in the same bed with me last night. After a year without having him we finally had each other again. The only thing that upset me was that I wanted to keep going. I didn't get enough of him.

I need to go check on the kids and see if they're up. I'll think about this later.

I pull the blanket and sheets off my side of the bed and try to carefully push Christian off of me. He just wraps his arms tighter around me. I feel him press his lips against my neck. A tingling sensation runs down my spine as he moves his hand down my waist.

"Where do you think you're going?" he whispers as he dips a finger into my wet folds. I throw my head back, grinding against his hand as my body begins to heat against his.

"I was going to check on the kids." I say trying to act annoyed but failing. He flips me on top of him, bringing my lips to his.

"Mmm.." he pulls away after a moment then grins. "Okay baby, we have news to tell them anyways. To tell the family."

"You were able to sleep through the night." I bring my lips back down to his, deepening it as soon as I feel his fingers tangle in my hair. "You know," I say as I pull away from him, "I've missed this."

"I have to baby." he says sliding his hands down to my ass. "Not being able to hold you during the night was killing me."

Christian suddenly flips us over then climbs out of bed. He grabs my wrist and pulls me out of bed into his arms. I groan. He doesn't give me time to react does he?

"Come on baby." he runs his nose along mine. "Bedtimes over."

"No shit." I mutter. A sharp slap comes across the right side of my ass. "Damn Christian!" I snap. I can feel my heart beating in my ass.

"I don't like back talking baby." he says as he puts me down. I glare at him. Hmm so that's how he wants to play it huh? Okay, let's play.

"Okay." he hides a smile. "Let's go see if the kids are awake." fucking bastard already knows what I'm doing. Shit.

"Lead the way baby." he says holding out his hand.

I walk back to Teddy's room, the last time I had seen the three of them together, and see that none of them are there. I guess they're getting breakfast. At least I hope they are. No reason to panic, right? I never panic. When I turn around I notice that Christian isn't with me anymore. Oh boy, is this part of his game?

When I walk out of Teddy's room I head towards Gracie's. Before I can enter her room, laughter feels my ears. It sounds like it's coming exactly from her room, but when I go in her room no one is there. So, when I look out the window I see all the kids playing outside, even Sophie. Most of the family is outside, except for me. They are sitting on the back porch eating breakfast watching the kids. What are they doing up so early? It's seven in the morning.

I walk down the hallway and head towards the kitchen to see if Gail needs help with anything but I notice that she's not even in the room. When I walk out onto the patio I see Elliot holding Gracie in his arms while Luke has Phoebe. I hear bickering and when I look over Christian and Teddy are arguing. Time to break up the children.

Walking over, I push the two away from each other. "What are you two fighting about?" I ask. Teddy crosses his arms looking at Christian. I hold back a laugh. That copper hair and attitude is a perfect resemblance of Christian. Wait, could this be…

"He says batman is better than superman." Christian crosses his arms as well. Oh you have got to be kidding me.

"Are you serious Christian…" I rub my hand over my forehead. So childish.

"I can't believe it either!" he says surprised.

"Christian?" he raises his eyebrow. "Grow up." that causes Teddy to laugh.

As I walk away, Christian wraps his arms around me and swings me around. The thoughts I had earlier have now faded and a huge grin has spread across my face. Okay, he's forgiven. Kind of. A little.

"I like being childish." Christian says, kissing me on the cheek. "That's what you love about me." he says grinning as I turn to look at him. I nod.

"Ugh, I'm about to barf." Teddy announces. We laugh. "Oh, I'm not joking."

"Stop being an Elliot and go eat breakfast." Christian says, ruffling Teddy's hair.

"I heard that!" Elliot shouts.

"I know!" Christian shouts back.

I grab Christian's hand and walk us over away from the patio. I just want to make sure before we make the decision to adopt them. I don't want him lying to me during this whole thing. Of course I trust Christian. He's never cheated on me. The only time he's been with other women is when the tumor took over his brain. Hopefully no one is pregnant.

Christian is looking at me with a smile on his face, running small circles on my hand. Shit, I don't want to ruin his good mood. Maybe I should just drop it. They're most likely not, right? Who knows though. I'm such a terrible girlfriend.

I watch his smile fall as I don't talk.

"What's wrong baby?" he asks bringing his hand to my cheek.

"Can I ask you something without you getting upset?" his smile completely fades. Oh no.

"Depends on the question." he whispers. I take a deep breath.

"Are Teddy and Phoebe your kids?" the next thing he says surprises me:

"Sadly no. Those kids had shitty parents. A child their age shouldn't of had gone through what they did." he sighs. He then looks up at me. "You thought that would upset me?" I shrug.

"I don't know with you at times Christian." he chuckles, pulling me into his arms and kissing me. After breaking apart from the kiss he looks down at me with a sly grin.

"That makes the both of us. I guess we both need to see the psychiatrist." I laugh into his chest. Fucking ass.

I take his hand and guide us back over to the patio. Everyone, besides the kids, Charlie, Elliot, and Luke are sitting at the table. The girls are talking amongst themselves and Mia is sitting on Ethan's lap. Taylor and Gail are sitting by each other, holding hands. Carrick is talking to John and Justin about his experiences in fatherhood. It's entertaining to watch already.

"What are you guys doing up so early?" I ask. "None of you are usually up till nine." I look over at Hannah. She raises her hands up.

"Don't look at me, I heard a noise coming from upstairs." she explains. "I just wanted to investigate."

"She took the blanket." Luke grumbles. "So I ended up going with her."

"When we got there Kate, Elliot, Mia, and Ethan were already there. Dick heads didn't even have the nerve to get us." she says glaring at them. They laugh.

"You didn't get us." I state. She doesn't answer. "Exactly. So, what was the noise?"

"The noise came from the studio. These two were playing the piano." Ethan says pointing to Teddy and Phoebe. "The two of them were really good. Like they were taught by professionals." Ethan says nudging Teddy.

The kids don't move though. They just sit there as if they were stone. All color has drained from both of their bodies, and they look at each other.

"Guys?" Christian asks kneeling in front of them. "What's wrong?"

"We're so sorry." Phoebe cries into his shoulder. "Please don't get rid of us." I look over at Kate. Her eyes are wide.

"We didn't mean to play it that loud, Grey." Teddy tries to whisper but the emotions in his voice are making it hard for him. "We just wanted to try the new song out for you. We didn't even sing the lyrics. Please don't be mad at us."

I watch Christian carefully move the girl away then pick her up, then he picks the boy up. We all watch as the three of them walk inside the house together. It stays quiet for a moment until the one person we didn't expect to break the silence finally speaks.

"T-eddy." Gracie stutters as she sits in Carrick's arms. Elliot scoffs.

"But you can't say uncle." we laugh.

"What was all of that about?" Mia asks. I shake my head.

"Don't ask me." we only started sleeping together last night, so sadly I wouldn't know.

"Why would Phoebe think that Christian wants to get rid of them?" Kate asks.

When I look over at her I noticed that she looks pissed. Oh no, she thinks Christian did this to them. Well she better not because he's the one who saved their lives. I'm sick of the girls pushing the blame on him. It's like we're against each other all over again.

"Kate, those kids have had a tough life." I snap. "What the hell are they supposed to think? The man who finally saves them reaches out to the both of them, and when the two of the kids think they messed up what are they supposed to think next?" I ask her. She stays quiet. I walk over to one of the seats and sit down.

"They were really good." Luke says quietly. I look over at him. He's looking over at Gracie. "I don't know who taught them, but they played excellent for their age. Especially Teddy. Go figure." he says rolling his eyes. Hannah Smacks the back of his head causing Gracie to giggle.

"You need to stop that dear." Carrick says. "We don't want Gracie to start hitting any of the guys." I nod.

"Ray put me in self defense class, so maybe that can be her option." Carrick laughs.

"Perfect idea sweetheart." Luke cringes.

I hear footsteps coming from behind me. When I turn around I see Christian, Teddy, and Phoebe in front of me. I look on both of the kids faces and see dry tears but they have a relieved look on their faces. I guess Christian talked to them, telling them not to worry about anything.

"Do you two feel better?" I ask them. They nod. "Good. Teddy, guess what Gracie said when you were gone?"

"What did she say?" he asks.

"She said your name." even Christian looks surprised. "Can you and Phoebe go sit by Gracie?"

"Yes ma'am." he says.

I watch the two walk over and sit by Gracie and Carrick. I walk over to Christian and grab his hand causing him to look down at me. I think it's time to tell these kids, because I don't want their fears to be always overtaking them.

"Are you ready to tell everyone?" I ask him. He nods. "You should be the one to do it." I squeeze his hand.

"Can I have everyone's attention." Christian raises his voice. It gets quiet and everyone directs their eyes towards us. "As you all know, Theodore and Phoebe have become a big part of the family already at such little time. We were going to let them stay until we found a proper foster home for them or an adoptive family. That means the two would most likely be separated from each other." I watch Phoebe start crying again, but Teddy just stares at the ground, looking at nothing as he holds his sister. Christian continues.

"Ana and I don't want these two separated from each other, and I know that all of you have already grown close to them. We made the decision of adopting the two of them." everyone gasps. Phoebe and Teddy are gaping at us.

"Finally! Someone who can actually say uncle!" Elliot says with joy. Everyone starts laughing. "I'm not joking."

"Before this happens, would you guys want that?" I ask the two kids. Before I even finish the sentence they run over to us and wrap their arms around our waist and nod.

Looks like things are coming together.


	38. Chapter 38

**Christian**

We are still in the back yard after our exciting announcement. I'm thankful that we finally let it out because if we didn't, those kids would be nervous wreck the whole time they'd be here.

I look over and see Elliot tossing a football to Ethan. As soon as he realizes I'm looking his way, he looks over at Teddy.

"Hey Teddy, how'd you and your sister learn to play?" he asks, putting his feet on the table. Ana smacks them off. I chuckle.

"There is this old ballet school we used to go to. The teacher, Ms. Angela, wanted to teach Phoebe how to dance but Phoebe didn't like what the girls were doing when we showed up." Teddy rolls his eyes.

"It looked weird." Phoebe whispered.

"It's dancing." Teddy shakes his head. "So she had her husband teach us how to play the piano instead. We would play it when the girls and boys had practice, and even during recitals. The older kids were really nice to us when we played during their practice, saying it helped them keep in step more."

"Wow you two." Mia says. "Why aren't you guys still helping them at the school?"

Phoebe puts her head down, and squirms in her seat. Teddy just wraps his arm around her. He bites the inside of his cheek. All of a sudden a big smile is plastered on his face, and I know it's fake.

"Just didn't want to go back anymore. Got bored." he rushes out. I nod.

"We understand. We all get bored sometimes." I look at everyone for clearance." they already understand the situation and are trying to think of another topic. When I look John he knows I want him to talk to them. He nods.

"What were you playing this morning?" Luke asks. Teddy points to me. I smirk at him. Not so scared now is he. I laugh.

"I never heard that song before?" Ethan says.

"It's new. We're singing it at the concert back at home." I state. They all grab me and start dragging me to the studio. I try digging my feet into the ground. Can they wait? "Guys wait!" they all groan.

"What now? We already had a sample, we want the words!" Luke whines. I close my eyes in irritation.

"The kids have heard it." I grin. They gape. "And I want the girls to hear it since their asses are part of the past." I wave for them to get in the cars.

"It's better be good since you're making us wait this long." Luke grumbles. I roll my eyes.

Taylor kisses Gail one last time before he and Charlie get in the car to head in front of us. She's going to be watching Gracie for us since it's already close to her nap time and I don't want her to miss that. I asked John if he wanted to come but him and my dad are heading out. He wanted to see his wife and dad went to go pack for the trip back home for our next concert. He's excited because that's where mom's parents will be. Someone that's really close to her. More than close.

As we pull up to the studio I already see a few cars outside. Shit, it's Jack and his pieces of shit band. Luckily there's three floors so we'll be fine. When I hop out I open the door for Teddy and Phoebe. As I pick Phoebe she lays her face against my shoulder. The guys and girls all surround me and are thinking the same thing I am.

"Just ignore them guys." I order. They all nod. "Security is always around us so there is nothing to worry about."

"What if they say something like last time?" Ethan says.

"They're just words." Teddy says quietly. "It may hurt but no reason to fight over."

"Exactly." I squeeze his hand. "Let's go."

We walk into the studio and notice that it's quiet. As I look around, I realize nobody is here. Oh thank fuck. I walk over to the leather couches and tell the girls to just take a seat. When they do, I put Phoebe on Ana's lap. She looks upset. Teddy looks amazed by the studio and the instruments against the wall.

I have an idea.

"Come on guys." I grab Phoebe's and Teddy's hand and open the door to the recording room and take them over to the piano. I take a seat in the middle then have them sit on each side of me. I wave for the rest of the guys to come in and close the door.

Taking out everyone's piece, I hand it to them. I then look at the kids. "You know, I'm not going to play the piano for this song. Right?" Teddy gives me a shy smile.

"I know. It's still nice of you to do this though." I grin.

"Let's get this going Chris!" Luke says excitedly. "I can already hear it in my head."

"Is that a good thing?" Phoebe asks. El busts out laughing.

"That was great!" Luke just grumbles.

"Is he ready Charlie?" I shout.

"Ready Christian!" he shouts back.

"Count us off El."

" _1, 2…"_

 _Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh  
How did our eyes get so red  
And what the hell is on El's head  
And this is where I grew up  
I think the present owner fixed it up  
I never knew we'd ever went without  
The second floor is hard for sneaking out  
And this is where I went to school  
Most of the time had better things to do  
Criminal record says I broke in twice  
I must have done it half a dozen times  
I wonder if it's too late  
Should I go back and try to graduate  
Life's better now than it was back then  
If I was them I wouldn't let me in_

 _Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I  
Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

 _Remember the old arcade  
Blew every dollar that we ever made  
The cops hated us hangin' out  
They say somebody went and burned it down  
We used to listen to the radio  
And sing along with every song we know  
We said someday we'd find out how it feels  
To sing to more than just the steering wheel  
Kim's the first girl I kissed  
I was so nervous that I nearly missed  
She's had a couple of kids since then  
I haven't seen her since god knows when_

 _Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I  
Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

 _I miss that town  
I miss the faces  
You can't erase  
You can't replace it  
I miss it now  
I can't believe it  
So hard to stay  
Too hard to leave it  
If I could I relive those days  
I know the one thing that would never change_

 _Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I  
Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

 _Look at this photograph every time it makes me laugh_

 _Every time I do it makes me_

I think that's the best song I've come up with so far. It reminds me of home. It reminds me of the idiotic times that I've spent with the guys and what I've done back in Montesoto. If mom was here, she would love it as well.

"I can't wait for the fans to hear this song bro." El says. He grabs Phoebs and puts her on his lap. "This is a great song Christian."

"It really is man, I can't wait for your dad to hear it." Ethan says.

"What do you think Charlie?" Ethan shouts.

We wait for a moment and then hear static. "That was great Christian. You all did well. Remember the interview is tomorrow just don't mention this song. Luke." Luke flips off the glass wall. "I mean it, now come on."

We put everything away and the guys put down their instruments and grab the sheet music, stuffing it in their pockets. I let the kids walk out of the room first then as I walk out I hear laughing. When I do, I see the girls rolling their eyes and I know the reason. Jack and his band are walking down the steps with groupies on their arms. As soon as the girls see us though their laughter stops and they put on a seductive smile. I roll my eyes. If I keep rolling my eyes this shit with my brains going to get worse.

Jack notices the girls change in behavior and looks her way. He glares at me. I put my hands in my pocket and shrug. Walking over to Ana, I grab her hand and pull her off the couch,giving her a slight kiss on the lips. I'm not giving these kids a show. Speaking of kids, Phoebe walks over and grabs my shirt. She needs a parent in her life besides Teddy. I pick her up and hold her to me. Jack raises his eyebrow.

"So you do have another kid." I nod pulling Teddy over causing Jack's eyes to widen.

"I will have two more kids in a few days." I tell him. I watch Jack squat down to them. I clench my jaw to hold back my anger. I can feel everyone gathering behind me. All the guys in jack's band have smirks on their faces.

"You know he won't have time for you, right? That's how this works." Jack grins. "When you're in a band you never have time for shit. Especially when you are on tour. You will have a nanny. That's your mother." Jack chuckles.

I look at Ana who is about to take a swing at Jack until Teddy starts talking.

"Aren't you in that band called, _The Runners_?" Teddy asks. Jack looks at him surprised. We all do.

"Why yes. I am. We all are." Jack grins. "Are you a fan?" Teddy crosses his arms.

"I've listened to your music." Teddy nods. "I make sure my sister doesn't listen to it that's for sure. Make sure that you don't make it obvious that you're not stealing from other musicians."

When Jack goes to grab for grab for Teddy my fist connects with his face. I hear a crunch that causes him to groan in pain. Good. He better stay the fuck away from my child. I look at the other guys who are trying to help Jack but they're too busy ignoring me because they're trying to help the dick head.

"And you tell us not to say anything." I whisper to Teddy.

"I didn't hit him. I was being smart about it." he says. "He threatened me, so it gave you a chance to punch him."

"I see what you did there." I shake my head, laughing. "We need to get home before any of the fans see this. Come on guys."

We get back in the cars and head back home. Tomorrow is the day that the guys and I finally get our careers back after my ass fucked it up for them. I want it to stay under control because I know that the guys love their music, fans and parties. Me? Right now, I love my Ana and family. I never knew I'd say that again. Ana thought I was lying when I said it, but when I looked at her, she knew I wasn't.

This is my career, but the guys will understand one day what I mean about family. Yes I'll want to go to a few parties but that doesn't mean I rather stay there than be at home piss drunk. I look over at Ana, then think about Gracie.

It all starts tomorrow for me and the guys….

And I'm ready.


	39. Chapter 39

**Christian**

Screams are coming from the crowd as women try to throw themselves onto the stage. Security are at every angle trying to keep the mad women and teenage girls from attacking. The boyfriends look annoyed by their girlfriends lousy attempts to hound us. That puts a smile on my face. Good times.

I made sure that the kids stayed backstage because of the vulgarity of these girls. Charlie's girlfriend is watching them as Ana and the girls are to the side. These women like to flash their tits and I don't want the kids seeing shit like that. They try to do anything to get mine and the guy's attention. It used to work. Not anymore.

As we sit here, a girl shoots her bra towards El. The guys and I start laughing as he looks awkwardly at Kate. She crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. She shouts.

"Be your naughty self baby!" she winks. He looks at us.

"I can't you guys." he whispers. I nod.

"Just listen to Kate. Either shoot it back to the crowd or breathe it in and toss it in front of you as if you are the old Elliot." he squirms a little then shoots it to the crowd.

I look over at the girls. They are smiling at us. I shake my head, grinning. I get up and walk over to Ana. She narrows her eyes. I bring my lips to her, running my fingers through her soft hair. Her small hands slide against my arms, as a moan escapes through her mouth.

"We're trying to keep this PG you two." Kate says. As I pull away I see that she's grinning.

"When is he going to start?" she asks. I shrug. "You guys need to be yourselves. Don't be afraid."

"Elliot doesn't want to do anything that could jeopardize his relationship with Kate."

"God I love that man. He needs to though. You guys have to be who you used to be. Okay?" I nod.

"Wish me luck baby." I run my nose along Ana's and give her one last kiss before walking back to my seat.

As I sit back down, the guys are looking at me with a smirk on their faces. I frown.

"What?" I ask.

"When are you going to ask her?" Luke asks.

"Ask her what?" they all groan in annoyance.

"Until he figures it out for himself you guys there's no point in saying shit. So don't say anything." Ethan says. I shrug.

"The girls says to be ourselves. It's going to be hard, but just try to act for the fans. Got it?" I ask.

"Got it." they say.

A few minutes later, the talk show announcer, Robert Ray comes walking out. He's a short man but lean. He's wearing glasses and has black hair and is pale. When he holds his hand out for me to shake, it's cold and it's as if he's been sweating. He's wearing gray suit pants and a white dress shirt where the sleeves are rolled up. When I look at his face he has crinkles at the corners of his eyes, but no laugh lines. The emotion he wears right now is something else. He's trying to look happy, but it's fake. It's exaggerated. I look over at the guys and shake my head. Their eyes narrow on him.

When I look over at the girls, I see Charlie. He pretends to cut his throat in an exaggerated motion. Well fuck me. This interview isn't going to go down well.

Robert clears his throat, papers in hands, fake smile on his face and looks at us.

"Some you guys. How have you all been?" he asks. I lean my elbow on the armrest and sigh.

"We've been perfectly fine Robert. How about you?" the crowd chuckles. Robert looks a little mad but takes a calming breath.

"I've been well Christian." he grins. "So, all of us have wanted to know, where have you been over a year? No tours, no concerts. All are really interested."

"Traveling." I say the first thing that comes to mind. He raises his eyebrows.

"I heard about the child you had with the other band leader." I hear girls cry out. Oh no… "If you were traveling, why didn't you take them or your family?" I grit my teeth. What is with this guy?

I feel someone grip my shoulder and see Elliot. He is looking at me with rage. I take a deep breath. I don't know who Elliot is trying to calm down, me or himself. Because right now I just want to cry. The man is right. Tumor, no tumor. I was out of Gracie's life until she was almost two.

"Hey, you two can't be on this stage." security says.

"It's okay, they're our kids." Ana says.

When I look up I see Phoebe running over towards me. She holds out her arms and I put her on my lap. Teddy is too busy looking at an iPad. He's dragging a chair towards Robert and turns it towards him keeping it at a distance.

"What's your name?" he asks Robert. Is he wearing a mic? I look at the guys in shock, but they just stare at Teddy.

"Robert Ray." he grins. "Why?"

"He adopted us, so he's a good guy." Teddy says. "Oh, and I'm looking you up. You cheated on both wives. It looks like you don't see any of your kids anymore but at least you still pay child support. You got arrested for um I don't know what that word is…" Teddy tries sounding it out, but fails. I look down and see that he was arrested for rape and pedophilia. The only reason he had gotten out was because he knew someone close to him. I grab Teddy and pull him away from the bastard.

"What is wrong with you!" I snap. I look at the crowd. "Sorry everyone, interviews over." boos are thrown across the stage, but not at us but at Robert. Teddy and Phoebe are close in my arms and I stay ducked down. The guys are right behind me.

As soon as I walk over to Ana she grabs Phoebe. Now's my time to talk to Teddy. I swear to fucking God he's going to get himself hurt one day. It's sad that we've only had him less than three days. Shit, he's like a goddamn pet. Goddammit Teddy.

I put him on the ground and look at him. He just smiles at me, causing me to hold my breath. This little boy is going to kill me already.

"Teddy, you have to stop this." I tell him. He looks at the ground. I grab his chin and tip his chin up. "You understand that right?"

"Yes sir. I didn't like what he was saying about you though." Teddy says quietly. "I know that you were sick and him saying that to you… it's not fair."

"Everything in life isn't fair buddy." he nods.

"I know Grey. Sorry I ruined the interview."

"You didn't, I was happy to be getting out of it." his eyes brighten.

I look up and see charlie walking my way. He has an apologetic look on his face.

"Sorry about the show man. Dad didn't know the guy would be like this either. We have one more show that you guys can do before hopping on the bus and heading to Montesoto. You all in?" he asks.

"When is it?" I ask.

"Tomorrow and I had Taylor do a background check on the woman beforehand. So, you in?" I look at the guys, and they all nod.

"We're in."

…

Later on the next day, we were getting set up on stage. The crowd was bigger this time because we agreed to sing several songs.

The tour bus is in back and the kids are with Gail and Ashley. We had several security watching over them incase anything happened. You don't know what happens when fans get too out of control.

I watch as the interviewer smiles and takes her seat. Her name is Sam Yers. She talks for a few minutes to the crowd and starts talking about our music. Again, the crowd begins to lose it. She throws her hand to the side and introduces us. I am the one to walk through first. I take the first seat next to her as El sits next to me as usual. Then she starts her line of questioning.

"So, guys, how do you think it's going to feel being back on stage?" she asks. I look over at all them. They just shrug and nod towards me to answer the question.

"For the guys, I'm pretty sure they'll be ecstatic to hit the stage and have their fans see them perform again." I stop and look at Ana as she frowns at me.

"But what about you Christian?" Sam asks. I look over at her.

"Over these past months I've been performing, but not for my fans. Not on stage." I purse my lips. "What I've done has caused me to grow tired and lose so much time with my family and friends."

"Are you capable of doing this now?" she asks me. I nod.

"That's why it took us so long to come back. My brothers thought about me before themselves." I look over at the guys and see them smiling at me. I turn back to Sam and see her eyes watering. Shit.

After the next thirty minutes of questions, Sam asks us if we could take questions from fans. I shrug. Sure, why not.

I point to the quiet girl in the middle row that's wearing glasses. Finally, someone who isn't screaming our names.

"What's your name, and who's your question for?" I ask. She reminds me of Ana. Same hair and eyes.

"My names Abby, and my question is for you." she says. "You're dating Ana. Right?" I nod. She smiles. "Good."

Wow, usually fans are pissed when we are in a relationship with someone. This is something else. People ignore her and raise their hands quickly trying to get our attention.

I pick the next person and it's a woman who looks like she's in her late thirties. She's grinning hard and it's aimed at Luke. All we hear from Luke is a low "Shit" causing us to laugh.

"What's your name, and who's your question for?" I ask her. I have to cover my mouth to hold back a laugh when her boyfriend or husband holds her down. He rolls his eyes.

"My names Laura and my questions for Luke!" we all look at him. "Can you lift your shirt up and can I touch your abs."

A burst of laughter erupts and it isn't from us. We look over and see the girls holding their stomachs as they laugh. I grin. Hannah's getting a kick out of this shit. I turn back to Luke and see him nodding and pointing to the security guard. I guess it's hard when you have a girlfriend. It's not fun like it used to be.

I walk over to Luke and Pat him on the back. "Hannah's having fun." I point her out. He looks over and glares. He suddenly rips his shirt off causing Hannah to go quiet.

"Laugh again baby!" he growls.

The guys and I just sit back and relax while we watch the woman touch Luke. I realize her lips are moving and Luke starts laughing, shaking his head. He then gently puts his hands on her hips, pushing her away. I realize that she's talking about her boyfriend as she points him out. They guy waves at Luke with a smirk and wraps his arm back around his girl.

"Okay, next question." I look around and pick some redhead out. "What's your name, and who's your question for?"

"My names Becca. This question is for you." she says. "Do you love Steele?"

"Yes I do." I look over and see that she grins at that girl Abby. What the hell? Many boos scatter throughout the crowd.

"Okay everyone, it looks like it's time for the band's first performance after the first two years." Sam says. "We'll be back in just a moment." she looks at us and nods.

We get up and head back stage as the curtain lowers. I see a shirt being thrown passed my head so I duck. I turn around and see that it landed on Luke's head. The guys and I laugh as Hannah stomps toward him. Oh, he's fucked.

"What the fuck babe?" she shoves her hands against his chest. He shrugs.

"You told me to be myself." he puts air quotes. I shake my head. Dumbass.

"Some you're a fucking whore?" he pretends to think.

"Pretty much." the guys and I grin. It's true. She pushed for it though.

"You're such an asshole!" I've never seen this girl this upset. She looks to the side and starts walking away from him.

"What the fuck did I say." he snaps. "What did we all say!" he grabs her wrist and turns her towards him. She ignores him, but when he grabs her chin she pays attention. This is why the guys and I don't want to go back to our old ways. "Pure fucking jealousy. Am I right?" she's quiet, then nods. "I love you and only you. Now I have a damn show to get ready for. I'm not doing what I did again no matter what the fuck you say." I pat Luke on the back and give them privacy.

I see Ana over by the stage, laughing with Charlie. I smile. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her waist, kissing her neck. When I look at Charlie, I notice he's gone. Shit, I needed to ask him something.

I spin Ana around and pull her mouth to mine. I feel her smile. That's a good sign, right? I pull away from her and look at her.

"What?" I ask. She shrugs.

"I just love you." she tells me. I grin.

"I love you too." I pull her back in my arms and run my tongue along her bottom lip, causing Goosebumps to spread across this beautiful skin of hers. So good.

I feel someone slap my ass and when I turn around I see that it was Luke. I glare. He winks.

"Come on sexy, time to get your ass on stage. You can fuck later." he runs onto the stage, and after giving Ana one last kiss I follow behind.

When I get at the mic, I turn around and see that the guys are at their spots. El looks excited and pretends to beat on the drums hard. I shake my head. The other two just tune their guitars until they're ready. After giving me the thumbs up I walk over to discuss the song choices.

"What are we playing and how many?" Ethan asks.

"We're only playing three songs." they nod. "First song is _Rockstar_. I'll throw the next one right after. Got it?" they nod.

I look over to the director and give him a nod. When I tell them we're ready he notifies Sam. I hear her giving introductions again and the crowd starts getting excited again. As soon as the curtain starts to rise the guys and begin the routine we used to feel common too. It feels like home all over again. It feels normal when the words slip out of my mouth and I begin to move around stage.

 _I'm through with standing in line  
To clubs I'll never get in  
It's like the bottom of the ninth  
And I'm never gonna win  
This life hasn't turned out  
Quite the way I want it to be  
(Tell me what you want)_

I walk over to El as he calmly keeps the beat as Luke sings the echoes with his deep ass voice.

 _I want a brand new house  
On an episode of Cribs  
And a bathroom I can play baseball in  
And a king size tub big enough  
For ten plus me  
(So what you need?)_

El grins, shaking his head. I move along to Ethan and shake my head. He smirks and raises his eyebrow. I spin my hand for him to speed it up, where he starts his solo early.

 _I'll need a credit card that's got no limit  
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it  
Gonna join the mile high club  
At thirty-seven thousand feet  
(Been there, done that)_

Looking at Luke he already knows what to do. Just keep his voice deep and low for those echoes and get his ass ready for his solo.

 _I want a new tour bus full of old guitars  
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard  
Somewhere between Cher and  
James Dean is fine for me  
(So how you gonna do it?)_

 _I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame  
I'd even cut my hair and change my name_

I run my hands through my new short hair from the surgery, and grin at the crowd. Hmm this shit could work.

I throw my left hand in the air and wave it from side to side. Everyone else starts to mock me as I do.

 _'Cause we all just wanna be big rock stars  
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars  
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap  
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat  
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars  
In the VIP with the movie stars  
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there  
Every Playboy bunny in her bleach blond hair, and we'll  
Hey, hey, I want to be a rock star  
Hey, hey, I want to be a rock star_

 _I want to be great like Elvis without the tassels  
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes  
Sign a couple autographs  
So I can eat my meals for free  
(I'll have the quesadilla)_

I walk to the edge of the stage and sit. The security hold back the fans as they reach for me, but as they do, I hold my hands out to them. I'm a teasing bitch eh?

 _I'm gonna dress my ass  
With the latest fashion  
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion  
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to  
Blow my money for me  
(Does this make me look fat?)  
(So how you gonna do it?)_

 _I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame  
I'd even cut my hair and change my name_

 _Cause we all just wanna be big rock stars  
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars  
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap  
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat  
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars  
In the VIP with the movie stars  
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there  
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair  
And we'll hide out in the private rooms  
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who  
They'll get you anything with that evil smile  
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well  
Hey, hey, I want to be a rock star  
Hey, hey, I want to be a rock star_

 _I'm gonna sing those songs  
That offend the censors  
Gonna pop my pills  
From a Pez dispenser  
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs  
Lip sync 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong_

I jump up and walk to the mic stand, spinning to face them.

 _Well, we all just want to be big rock stars  
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars  
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap  
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat  
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars  
In the VIP with the movie stars  
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there  
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair  
And we'll hide out in the private rooms  
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who  
They'll get you anything with that evil smile  
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well  
Hey, hey, I want to be a rock star  
Hey, hey, I want to be a rock star_

Everyone starts applauding us. I look back at the guys and throw them the next song.

"How you remind me." as soon as I say it Elliot slams his sticks on the drums.

 _Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as  
A poor man stealing  
Tired of living like a blind man  
I'm sick of sight without  
A sense of feeling  
And this is how you remind me_

I want to laugh for choosing this song. I chose this song when I thought about my birth mom. I can't help but actually laugh. I bet my fans think that I'm actually crazy but I don't care. Do I?

 _This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am_

I walk around the stage. Usually, when I'm thinking about this bullshit it helps me think better and I don't know why. The reason I had wrote this song was the day I had gotten drunk and mom got pissed at me. It was a bad day. She was disappointed in me.

 _It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you  
A heart worth breaking  
And I've been wrong  
I've been down  
Into the bottom of every bottle  
These five words in my head  
Scream  
Are we having fun yet?_

I felt like my birth mother at that moment. When my mom had gotten mad I just left, not caring about what she said. I was afraid of what she'd do to me. I knew it was Grace but memories were still there.

 _Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no_

 _It's not like you didn't know that  
I said I love you and  
I swear I still do  
And it must have been so bad  
Cause living with him must have  
Damn near killed you_

When I had gotten back she was quiet. All I could think about was that she didn't love me anymore. I felt like Teddy and Phoebe. I knew I should have said sorry to her but I was afraid to talk to her at the time. That just shows I'll always be like my birth mom.

 _And this is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am_

 _It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you  
A heart worth breaking  
And I've been wrong  
I've been down  
Into the bottom of every bottle  
These five words in my head  
Scream  
Are we having fun yet?_

 _Yeah, yeah, yet, no no  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no_

My mom did so much for me and yet I barely did anything. My birth mother was a piece of shit and I was a piece of shit like her. I keep showing it.

 _Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as  
A poor man stealing  
And this is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me_

 _This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am_

 _It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you  
A heart worth breaking  
And I've been wrong  
I've been down  
Into the bottom of every bottle  
These five words in my head  
Scream  
Are we having fun yet?_

I walk to the middle of the stage and throw the words as I push away the pain in my chest.

 _Yeah, yeah  
Are we having fun yet?  
Yeah, yeah  
Are we having fun yet?  
Yeah, yeah  
Are we having fun yet?  
Yeah, yeah, no, no_

After the cheers die off, I look at the guys. It's their turn to pick.

"What do you guys want?" I ask.

"Savin me." Ethan says. The guys nod. I roll my eyes.

"You guys are so damn boring." I turn around as Ethan begins the tune.

 _Prison gates won't open up for me  
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'  
Oh, I reach for you  
Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
These iron bars can't hold my soul in  
All I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh, I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

This was the second song I ever wrote. Grace inspired me to write it and it was before we even thought about putting the band together. Funny how things work right? __

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me_

I wanted to write something that had to do with her. Grace has always been my inspiration in life. Since she's been the one who saved me, I think I owe it to her. I love her and I want her to know how much I do. __

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me  
With these broken wings I'm fallin'  
And all I see is you  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story  
And oh, I scream for you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And all I need from you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

Ever since before Grace saved me I felt like I was a burden, I still feel like that now. Especially now since that she's gone. I don't have her to protect me anymore. I'm surrounded by hells fire.

 _Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me  
Hurry I'm callin'_

When Grace was here, she was the one who taught me not to drink and do drugs. Dad was as well, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't the one who dragged me away from the alleyway. I love him to death, but he's not my angel. __

_(Instrumental interlude) (guitar solo)_

 _And all I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh, I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

 _Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me  
Hurry I'm fallin'_

I take a deep breath and look at the crowd. My thoughts go to my mother. Just think you're with Grace, Christian. The thought only makes me grip the mic tighter.

 _And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me._

I close my eyes and step away from the mic. As the crowd applauds us I run a hand over my face. Moving my hand, I give a fake smile and wave then walk off stage. I think the fans have had enough of this shit.

When I walk over to the exit, I feel someone grab my arm. Looking over I see it's Ana. She looks worried.

"What's wrong with you?" she asks. I shake my head.

"Nothing's wrong." I simply say. She just looks at me. I groan and quickly throw her over my shoulder.

Taking her to the dressing room, I quickly knock. Nobody answers. I open the door and walk in, locking the door behind us. I set Ana on the couch. She looks bewildered.

"What the hell Christian?" I grin. "I'm serious, are you okay?" I shrug, picking her up and laying her on top of me on the couch. I run my hand up the back of her shirt.

"I was just thinking about Grace and birth mom." I whisper. She sighs kissing me under my jaw.

"Do I need to get John?" I shake my head.

"I'll be fine." I say, unclipping her bra. "Perfectly fine." she smiles.

"You're a pervert, and you realize we need to get on the bus soon." I raise an eyebrow.

"How soon?"

"Possibly six minutes." I groan. She grins. "Do you have any idea how sexy your groans are?" I laugh.

"That's nice and all baby, but how about a quick ride?"

Pushing her skirt up, I rip her g-string off. Ana squeals in delight. That's my girl.

She begins to nibble and lick her way across my jaw. Fuck, and it feels good when her nails dig into my arms. I quickly move my hands out from under her shirt and slide them to my pants, unbuttoning them and sliding down my zipper. As soon as my cocks free Ana takes it in her soft and warm hands squeezing tight. I have to shut my eyes to hold back the groan that's trying to escape.

When I open my eyes I watch her bring her face towards mine, and kiss me. She is holding back. Fuck this shit.

I roll us off the couch and slam my lips to hers, she wraps her arms around my neck. I put my dick at her entrance and look at her. She finally opens her eyes, and when they're on me I slam into her. Her tongue runs along her bottom lip as she tries to stay in control but I'm the one in control now.

I run my hand along her cheek as I pound into her faster. I watch as those beautiful cheeks of hers turn a shade of red.

A moan escapes from those gorgeous lips of hers as she's close from climax. Her eyes begin to close. That can't do.

"Open your eyes." I snap. She quickly obeys, causing me to kiss the side of her mouth then wrap my tongue with hers. I feel her legs begin to tremble as she whimpers against my lips. "Let go baby."

I find my release the same time she finds hers.

I grab her hand and pull her up. I rub my nose against hers and turn her around. I pull her hair down.

"What are you doing?" she asks. I take three strands and braid it. She looks surprised. "You can braid hair?" I nod.

"Let's go get on the bus with everyone." I take her hand and we walk out the door without anyone seeing us.

Thank fuck we're all going home.


	40. Chapter 40

**Teddy**

As I hum to the radio I watch Grey and the other guys talk about what they're going to do as soon as they get to their old town. Phoebe and Gracie are back to coloring again. It seems like all they do is color. I'm thankful though, because it's getting Phoebe's hand coordination back under control since we're not doing our lessons anymore.

It's great to be going somewhere else besides Seattle. Especially with a family. I was tired of being alone and pretending that I was alright with it. It's still hard to trust these guys at times, but it will get better later on.

"Would you like that Teddy?" I look over, and see Grey looking at me. "Are you zoning out on us?"

"A little bit. What did you say?" he grins.

"Would you like for us to show you the town. Our old school and stuff?" he explains.

"We'll even show you the police station where your grandmother tried to kill your dad." Elliot, Ethan, and Luke all laugh while Grey glares at them. Is he upset that they called him my dad? I try to keep smile on my face.

"Are you really going to tell a child that story?" he snaps. Their eyes widen, but they still laugh. I let out a breath. So it wasn't that. Good.

I turn around when I see Ana walking over. She has a big smile on her face as she takes a seat by me. "You have to admit Christian, I didn't believe you either. But you guys can't tell him. We mean it." my eyes widen at the tone in her voice.

"Where are we going first when we get there?" I ask, practically bouncing in my seat. Grey smirks.

"We're going to our grandparents house first since it's so early. Carrick will be there and you can meet your great grandparents. Then we'll go head to our old school." I stop him.

"Was everything true in that song?" he nods. "Why didn't you graduate?"

"I focused to much on my career. We all did." I nod. "Your grandparents didn't care as long as we were happy. They followed us as long as they could."

For the next few hours we spent our time playing video games. I had gotten bored with it so I just watched Elliot yell at the TV. I thought that was funnier than anything.

I think Luke and Ethan could sense how bored I was because they pulled me over to them. They were practicing each tune for Grey's new pieces and wanted me to help them. I wanted to push them away because I knew nothing about guitar.

"Come on kid, just try." Luke says, handing me a smaller guitar.

"I only know piano." I tell him.

"So did Chris, and as soon as we handed it to him it just came to him." Luke said.

"He's actually better than us at times, kid." Ethan chuckles.

"Really? What's the first song that all of you guys learned on guitar?" I ask.

"It was actually something Chris wrote." Luke chuckles. "It was one of our favorite pieces. We might actually play it at the home concert."

I watch Ethan's eyes widen as he grins. "I know what you're talking about. If Christian decides on that song you might get to see him play."

"Cool!" I can't keep the grin off my face.

"Now come on, let's try to teach you something new. What about old McDonald?" Elliot laughs as he's playing the game. I blow a strand of hair out of my face in irritation.

"I'm not that stupid. Come on Sawyer. Start with the beginning of the piece then I'll pick it up from there."

"Did this kid just call me Sawyer?" Luke asks. Ethan and El laugh.

I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. When I look up I see Grey. It's awkward calling him anything else.

He looks over at Luke. "Don't misjudge the kids intelligence Luke. It'll piss him off. If you do he'll call you by your last name as if he doesn't know you."

"He calls you by your last name!" Luke says offended.

"I always have." I smirk.

"Shit, it's like a mini you already." Luke grumbles.

"Come on kid, let's get started." Ethan grins.

I walk over to Luke, who's pouting on the ground still tuning his guitar, and sit by him. When he looks at me I grin. "Isn't how things supposed to work with uncles?" I ask. His eyes widen. "I can mess with my uncles like they do you. Right?"

"You are such a little ass." he says wrapping his arm around my shoulders he says as all the guys laugh.

"I was just joking." he rolls his eyes.

Grey has Ethan hand him an extra so he can show me that he can play. I'm not sure he's putting all he can into it though, because the guys are cracking jokes about how terrible he is. I've also noticed that he's very slow at the moment.

"What are you playing?" I ask. He looks really focused right now.

"I'm trying to figure that out right now. When I was around eight, I tried to keep my distance from the world I was in at the time." I watch his fingers move quicker. "It was hard to think about music at that time in my life but it was the only thing to bring me out of that dark time. Just like how Phoebe brought you out of the darkness you were in." I nod.

"So, is this something you tried to put together when you were little?"

"Yeah, but I was interrupted so many times that it was hard to keep remembering the words that I would just give up at times." he shrugs, a frown forming across his face.

"What happened to you?" I ask, and as soon as I do all the guys look his way. Do they not know?

He just chuckles. "You don't need to know kid."

"Please tell me one day since you know our story." I copy his rhythm.

He looks at me for a moment. After a while, he goes back to playing. He gets slower and the notes are softer. On the last note he looks at me.

"I will tell you, but that will be in the future." he explains. I nod. As long as there's a future with all of us.


	41. Chapter 41

**Christian**

As we get off the bus, I see grandma and grandad waiting for us with dad by them. He has an annoyed look on his face as usual every time he sees them. It makes me and the guys laugh. The two of them interrogate dad everytime he's home and dad gets an ear full. He practically bangs his head against the wall to shut them up.

My grandmother pushes us all out of the way. The guys and I all frown at each other. She usually is happy to see us, but now we know why she's pushing past us.

When we turn around I see that her arms are around all the kids. Teddy looks a little uncomfortable with the affection, but Phoebe and Gracie have their arms wrapped around Maggie, smiling brightly. Maggie raises her eyebrows at Teddy.

"What? Are you too old for hugs?" she asks.

"Um, no ma'am." she grins.

"I'm just playing. Come on sweetheart, you'll warm up to me later on." that causes Teddy to smile.

As we walk into the house I've noticed that it hasn't changed much. Everything is basically in its same place. The only thing that's new are pictures of me and the guys. I also see pictures of the girls and guys. I spot one of me and Ana on stage with our hands locked together. I remember that day.

"So, what are you guys doing here?" grandad asks.

"We have the home concert." El tells them. "Christian also wants to show the kids around the town."

"That would be really nice honey." my grandmother says. "Many people are still here, so you can say hi. Also let the kids say hello." I nod.

"Yeah, I would really like for them to see where their parents grew up." I pick Phoebe up. "Where would you guys like to go first?" she shrugs.

I think for a moment. Honestly, I don't want to be the one to choose every time. So the guys have to pick this time. My eyes shoot over to them. The start whistling and look away. Mia groans.

"Let's go to the school. I'm sure that stupid principal is still there." she says.

"Hopefully the librarian is still there." Ana smiles at me. I grin.

"You guys have fun. Just not too much."

"Do you mind watching Gracie? She's too little to under-" she slaps my hand.

"I would love to. No reason to even ask." she starts kissing all over Gracie causing her to giggle. I shake my head. I love that woman.

We start walking down the street, and the guys and I point out things to the kids. The girls are just excited to be back home. A few minutes after we started walking a cop starts running towards us. I realize who I'm looking at after about five seconds. The asshole who wouldn't arrest me when my mom was trying to kill me. Harold Jenkins.

"Hey Jenkins." I click my tongue. He grins.

"Hey Christian." I look over at the guys who are looking away, and trying to hold their breath. The joke is over assholes. They spit on my back by laughing though.

"Are you serious!" I shout.

"I'm sorry, it's still funny." El laughs. Ana looks confused.

"What?" El grins at me then looks at her.

"You remember the story you didn't believe?" she nods. "This is the cop who wouldn't arrest him." her eyes widen, when she looks at me she starts laughing. I throw my hands up.

I grab Phoebe's and Teddy's hand and walk away. Teddy sighs, shaking his head. Tell me about it kid.

I hear footsteps coming from behind us and know it's them. Who the fuck else would it be. I wouldn't have fans in this town. Looking beside me, I see them all smiling. I roll my eyes and just keep walking forward. I see the school in the distance anyways.

These guys don't know how fucking terrified I was that day. Mom was pissed as hell. That tug of War we had with the door of the cop car made me almost piss my pants. Dad tried to help me in the beginning of it, but after he heard the whole story he just shook his head and let it happen. My ass ended up going to school the next day wearing a torn shirt, pants they found in the back of the cop car and no shoes. That was my punishment. They couldn't find me for seven hours as I ran from their asses. I didn't want to be fucking caught.

In the end I was. My dad and mom even picked my punishment. I close my eyes at the memory.

As we get to the field, Taylor jogs over to us. He looks annoyed. Oh what now.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Charlie and his girlfriend want privacy and wouldn't wait. Fucking annoying." he grumbles. "Gail's with your grandparents."

"That girl still pisses me off." Taylor grins.

"Oh trust me, I know." he says slapping a hand on my back. "That was a great day." I chuckle.

"I'm running in first to find the teacher I had the hots for." El says. He looks over at Kate. "I'm old enough now!" she laughs.

"How do you know she looks the same?" Kate asks.

"It's been five years. Hopefully she's still here." he smooths his hair back. Kate rolls her eyes. "I'm going in."

We walk into the building and just like my grandparents home, it's the same. I see more trophies in mantles though. I grab Ethan and pull all of the guys over.

"Let's see if Ethan's trophy is still here." he shakes his head.

"Doubt it. It's been years man." he says.

"But it was a fucking record man." I state. He just shrugs. Teddy looks at him.

"You played football?"

"Yeah." Ethan tells him.

"Why aren't you still playing?" teddy is pushing again.

"Because music is my passion. I feel free when I have my guitar in my hands." teddy smiles.

"I found it!" Luke shouts. "Dude it's still shiny as hell."

"I can't believe they still kept it." Ethan has a disbelieving look.

"Man, you were the leader of the team. How the hell do you think we always won?" El puts an arm around his shoulder. "Stop thinking about the parents man."

"I'm not." he sighs. "I'm thinking about Grace."

We all go quiet. Grace didn't care if Ethan quit the team. She only cared about what he wanted. She knew that his parents were more focused on his football and what college he was going to. Something Ethan didn't want to do. Ethan wanted to feel free with his life, like all of us wanted to be sure to feel.

As soon as his parents found out he was quitting, his dad finally lost it. The guys and I thought he was a good man at the beginning until we couldn't get in touch with Ethan one day. We finally gave up calling and just went over to his house, and when no one answered we just went in as usual. When we walked into the living room, we didn't expect to see what we did.

Ethan was on the floor unconscious. At least I thought he was until we walked over to him. When I checked his pulse to see if he was still alive he moved, and he started crying. I quickly called an ambulance and called my mom, telling her to get ready.

It turned out that his dad was going to give him a reason for quitting football. Ethan is lucky to be alive today and able to walk. He had a major brain bleed and his dad was close to severing his spine. His right arm and leg were broken as well and the guys and I were with him through it all. We are just lucky that he didn't bleed out before we got there. This is the reason why the guys and I didn't finish high school. Some things come before others.

I hear the bell ring and when I look at the time I notice it's twelve. Lunch time. I look at the guys and over at the girls.

"Remember when that lunch lady spit in Stephen's food for back talking her?" I watch Luke shiver.

"She scared me. I hope she's not still here, because I actually want to eat. I also want to see if any of the students we went to school with are at the so called teachers table now." Luke says.

"Shit, how much you wanna bet Ros is a teacher?" I ask. I fucking loved that girl.

"What about Lauren? Oh, and Nathan!" we are all taking wagers before going in the cafeteria.

"Aren't we the kids?" Teddy asks. I look down at him and grin.

"We're all kids buddy. Nobody ever really grows up." I ruffle his long hair. "Let's go get some lunch guys."

As we walk into the cafeteria, it's loud with conversations. The guys are stuffing their faces with pizza, and some chicks are eating that shit they call a salad. I point it out. Ana rolls her eyes.

"That shit was always fucking disgusting. Okay guys, look over and see if we got any right."

But before we can look, I feel myself being pushed over. Multiple squeals are let out as I hear laughing coming from the girls and even Teddy. This isn't funny right now. I just landed on my ass, and I usually come home for peace and quiet.

"Can someone help?" I shout. I feel the multiple girls being pulled off. "What the fuck." I say dusting myself off. I look over and see they guys getting up as well. Thank God it wasn't just me.

"I love you!" some girl shouts.

"And I love food!" I shout back, causing everyone to laugh.

The girls get hugs from the guys and girls who listen to their music, but no tramples. Are you serious…

It seems we won't be getting peace and quiet in this town. The kids are looking our way as we eat and talk. The adults that we don't know do the same.

After we get our food I walk us over to one of the empty tables and we all sit. The guys and I end up having to get another plate of food. I never realized how small these portions are.

"Fucking stingy aren't they?" I ask. Mia shakes her head.

"No, your butts just eat too much." Ethan covers her mouth. He puts a finger to his lips.

"Is that Jazz?" he whispers. I hear Ana growl. I don't blame her.

"Holy shit, it is." Luke mutters. "Is she standing over all the students?"

"She is." Ethan says. "She's the principal. I guess we were right about the creepy principal."

It's quiet for a moment, then we all bust out in laughter. That fucking bitch is the principal. That's fucking great. These poor damn kids have to suffer from her ass. Dear lord.

"Oh no, speaking of Jazz."Kate says. "There's Garrett." she nods. Ana shakes her head.

I turn my head and see Garrett walking into the cafeteria with what seems to be the football team. He looks pissed off about something, but tries to hide it. He looks more mature than he did in high school, he is more in shape and his hair is shorter. He's even taller. As he walks by Jazz she smiles at him, but all he does is ignore her. I guess what happened between those two is gone. Funny how shit happens.

Garrett walks over to one of the students and begins talking to him about something. He then starts getting angry again and pointing to the clipboard. He runs a hand over his face, and shakes his head. The boy suddenly sits down and looks up at him, a pained expression on his face. Garrett just shakes his head. The boy is angry now.

"Well fuck you! I'm one of your best players! If the team lose it's all on you!" he shouts. Before he moves Garrett stops him, pushing him back in the seat.

"If the damn team loses it's your goddamn fault because you couldn't keep your damn grades up. Understand!?" he shouts back. "Now instead of embarrassing yourself, get your ass in the classroom and go fucking study before you actually fail. Don't think about football or partying. Got it pretty boy?" he snaps.

The boy sees us looking over at him. He just smirks at Garrett as I watch. I roll my eyes. Just because you're a rockstar doesn't mean you party constantly. So it seems like this shit needs to stop.

"Kid, you might want to stop." I call out. I may not like Garrett after what he did to Ana, but I hate disrespect. "Because you are looking like a complete jackass in front of the school. If a was you, I would rather be studying so I could play football right now. Or unless you want to toss a football back and forth between you and the guy in the McDonald's parking lot." his whole face is red right now. "Now what was your coach saying?" he quickly turns back to Garrett who's holding back a smile.

I watch the boy walk past me with his tail between his legs. A teacher is by his side, escorting him out of the cafeteria. Little bastard better learn right.

"Thanks Christian." I look over and see Garrett by me. Before I can say anything, he walks away. When I look at Ana I can tell she's upset. She needs to talk to him. The two were best friends once. I saw him protect her. That is the only reason why I liked him.

I hear heels clicking behind me and a chill runs up my back. The guys start making hand gestures with instruments, so I know who the fuck it is. The devil is behind me.

"Hello Christian." she says with a happy tone. I roll my eyes. I stuff my mouth.

"Hmm?" I mumble. Teddy looks at me then her. Shit, he's going to say something. Not now Teddy.

"How have all of you been?" she asks. Ana smiles at her.

"You know, the usual. Three kids. Loving Christian. Ain't that right baby?" she winks. I grin. Jazz glares at her. Ana was bullied by jazz after jazz started coming out of her shell. I hated it.

"Well that's nice. I'm the principal of the school now." she says happily. "Garrett and I are also engaged." I look at her finger and don't see a ring.

"No we're not!" Garrett shouts, annoyed. He walks over. "If I wasn't dedicated to these kids I'd quit." he looks down at Teddy then squats to his level.

"You're a handsome young man. I saw you on TV. I would have done the same thing to that man if I was you." he chuckles. "I'm pretty sure kids at six aren't smart like you though." Teddy looks at him for a moment.

"Is this woman crazy?" he whispers to Garrett. Garrett laughs, nodding.

"She is, but this just stays between you, me and everyone at the table. Deal?" Teddy nods. "Do you like sports or do you stick with music?"

"What kind of sports?" teddy asks.

"T-ball. You know, baseball. It's a kid version." Garrett says. Teddies eyes brighten.

"That sounds fun." Garrett nods.

"When your mommy and daddy aren't touring you can have your daddy coach with me." Garrett winks at me. I smirk at him.

"Dadd- Grey can actually help you coach?" Teddy asks us both. We nod. He almost said it. Come on Teddy. Please say it.

Anything for him. I would love to coach him. I used to love playing baseball when Grace first adopted me. It got everything off my mind at the time.

"What are you three talking about?" Ana asks. She looks mad. Oh no. I guess she doesn't want me talking to the enemy. Jazz is still trying to talk to us as well but they tell her that some kids were trying to start a food fight. It worked, because she trotted over to the other side of the cafeteria.

"Can I talk to her?" Garrett begs me. "I promise we were just friends. I was just trying to look cool in front of the guys at the time Christian. Someone had set me up."

"You really are-" I stop Teddy before he can say stupid.

"Teddy." I warn. He shrugs.

"Well he is."

"I know I am kid." Garrett shoves Teddy's head down.

"It's up to Ana man, but it's not up to me." I say looking back to the guys. "Goodluck." I say loudly, getting up to go to the teachers table. I see so many of the people I use to know.

I grab Teddy and Phoebe so they can come meet them all.


	42. Chapter 42

**Sorry it's been so long guys. I'm taking two week college courses and I'm trying to focus on those. I'll try to update though, I promise.**

 **Christian**

After I let Teddy and Phoebe speak to all of my past teachers and old school mates, I just waited for Ana and Garrett to finish talking about what happened. It seems like Ana is letting him talk because she's standing there and letting him babble on. She is giving him a death glare the whole damn time but at least he's getting his chance. I don't even know what I'm saying. The ass might not even deserve a chance.

When Garrett finished talking, Ana just slightly nodded and walked away from him. She looked like she was about to cry if she didn't get out of here quick enough so all of the girls had gathered around her and were like an emotional shield. Protecting her.

I took the kids outside with the guys and got them out. Shit, it seems like it's always dramatic in this fucking place. Which it is.

Told the guys to take the kids back home before the concert started. I needed to do something important, and I needed to do it alone. The thing about what I'm doing is that if I don't know if it's even there anymore. I might as well try though.

I walk down the street and it's quiet. Kids are still in school and people are still at work. Now that I know we have fans here I'm kind of thankful for this shit. People are fucking crazy at times. Not to mention stupid.

When I look down the rows of houses I check each one off. Nope. No. Nada. Bingo. There is a beautiful white and gray house as I walk up to the fence. It looks refurbished, which makes me nervous. What if they found it and threw it away? Fuck, this would have been all for nothing then.

I decide to just turn back around. There's no point. This place is just too spotless and beautiful. Everything must be perfect inside. Goddammit! I run my hands through my hair at the memories that invade my mind, but before I can kick this person's fence I hear the door slam open.

"Well hello there." says a bright voice. I turn around and I'm surprised to see the girl from the interview. I think her name was Abby.

"Um, hi." I say. She looks shocked, but cocks her head to the side.

"You look troubled. What's wrong?" she asks. Before I can say anything the other girl comes rushing out, talking about some strawberry shit. It's that Becca girl. What the hell?

"Oh my God babe, we need to try this tonight!" she says seductively. I chuckle, causing her to turn my way. When she sees me her eyes widen. "Where the hell did he come from?"

"Fuck if I know. Just popped up." Abby says. "What's up rockstar. Do you need something?" I rub the back of my neck nervously.

"Kind of." they grin at the way I fidget. "Have you girls worked on the floorboards yet?"

"Not yet. Why?" Becca asks. "You have drugs stored in our house?" she narrows her eyes. I grin.

"Not anymore." I say, jogging past her. I heard her mutter the word dick head.

I jog up to my old room and when I open the room. I still see that the girls have kept it empty. Walking around the room I try to find which board is it. When I look up I see that the girls are watching me. Shit, if they want to help me they can. I don't mind at all.

In the far corner I finally find it. The corner gives away from me. I pull my wallet out and slip out a credit card using to slide up the board. I pull out all of my photos that I've kept hidden.

Going through all of them I chuckle at the last one. The one that made me think of the song. Made me think of the memories and coming back to find these pictures. I laugh. The guys and I were all surrounded in a group. Our eyes are red and mom is being hugged by all of us, she's trying to look annoyed but is failing while we are just grinning. Elliot has some green and yellow looking chimney hat on his head. I seriously don't know what the fuck it is. That was a great fucking day.

I put the board back in place and stand back up. Placing the photos in my back pocket, I turn to leave. When I turn to leave the girls are looking at me with a what the fuck look. I grin.

"What?" I ask. Becca looks at Abby.

"You look like you ate a shit ton of chocolate." Abby says. I roll my eyes.

"Just finding memories you two. Now, I have to go."

"Hey, I'm good with projectors." Abby says. "Since it's a home concert, how about you show them during a family concert." I raise an eyebrow.

"Why are you helping me? Do you even like my music?" they shake their heads. I laugh.

"Do you like the plan?" she asks.

I purse my lips. If we do this I can't tell the guys about it. They've never seen these pictures before. I've always kept them hidden from them. Hopefully Elliot doesn't get pissed about the one about that shit on his head. Never leave dad or mom with a camera though.

I nod to the girls. "Okay, let's do it." I hand her the photos and we head downstairs to start explaining which photos are for which song and what time they come.

Pathetic that I don't know these girls, but I get a sense of trust from them.

…

I left the girls house over an hour ago and they told me they would call their guys to meet them at the stage to prepare it. They will make it invisible to everyone until it actually begins. I tried paying the girls for what they were doing, but they wouldn't take a penny from me. I'm getting irritated with these two. I'm thankful for what they're doing but I don't want them doing anything for free. I don't know them. Grateful is what I should be though.

The concert is in two hours. I didn't realize that today has passed by so quickly. Oh hell, and I spent most of it at two chick's house planning a memory projector for the concert. I can't fucking tell these people that though. I groan inwardly. My ass is about to get chewed out.

When I walk through the doors of my grandparents house, I hear laughing. That's a good sign. I walk down the hall and into the living room to see that everyone is laughing at people's answers to teddy's drawing in charades.

"It's a hamster!" Luke randomly shouts. Teddy rolls his eyes, smiling. I grin.

"It's a music note." teddy touches his nose and points to me, nodding.

"What the hell!" everyone groans. "Would you leave. He doesn't get a point."

Teddy walks over to me and hands me the marker. I raise my eyebrows. He smirks, nodding. Biting my cheek to hide my smile I walk over to the board. I walk over to the board. The guys begin to start guessing as soon as I barely start drawing shit. Fucking idiots. At least it's keeping their minds off the fact that I've been gone.

"A teddy bear." Phoebe says as teddy blushes. I wink at her.

"You got it sweetheart." I pull her in my arms and go to find Gracie.

When I go through the house and can't seem to find her or her mother anywhere. This is fucking irritating. I look at Phoebe and hint for a little help. She points out back. I nod.

I head out back and see all the women talking. Shit, I hate it when women are having conversations. They talk about shit that might or might not be true and it pisses me the fuck off. I roll my eyes. This is why I keep my friends in a small circle. Like, I don't know… the band.

I see Ana holding Gracie in her arms as she talks to my grandmother. I pull Phoebe closer and walk over to them. Might as well spend time with both of my girls before the concert.

I kiss the side of her face and smile at her. She smiles back, but it's a small one. What the fuck?

"What's wrong?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"Nothing baby." she says unconvincingly. "Did you take your medication?"

"Shit, I forgot." I place Phoebe on the ground and kiss her on the head. "I'll be right back."

I run to the bus and grab my suitcase. I better get my head on straight if I'm going to take care of these children. I can't miss any of my doses or they won't have me at all and that means that they'll be thrown on Ana. I can't do that to her. They may be perfect kids but that's too much, even for her.

After taking my pills I walk back off the bus but lean against the bus. I'm so fucking tired right now and it will only get worse in a little while. How will I be able to do this concert? Five hour energy here I come, because there's no way I'm going to be pushing back those damn energy drinks like I used to.

I walk back outside, but before I can Phoebe is walking towards me. She has a frown on her face. I walk over and pick her up. What happened to her?

"What's wrong baby girl?"

"Ana thinks you're with someone else." she says quietly. "Aren't mommy's and daddy's not supposed to do that?" I look at her shocked, but finally nod.

"Sweetie, I never did that. I don't know where they had gotten that from but I'll find out. Okay?" she nods. "I promise that we will only be your mommy and daddy."

She wraps her arms tighter around me so I start rocking her and running my hands through her hair. She stays quiet as I walk over to the couch and sit down. People are laughing in the other rooms, others are talking outside. In one room is a person who is emotionally scarred. She's scared to stop fighting until someone has saved her from her demons that her brother couldn't shut her out from.

I lay my head against the top of hers and whisper soothing things that Grace used to always say after I had a nightmare. Maybe Phoebe will find comfort in it some way like I did. I actually always did.

As Phoebe begins to fall asleep, my mind falls to the girls. I'm growing pissed. What the fuck did I tell her? I told that woman that she could trust me. Why doesn't she believe me? Is it those damn band mates she plays with? If it is it's pissing me the fuck off.

It's like the beginning all over again. I'm at war with everyone of them again. The only thing is, I have damn kids with one of the women. Why is Ana pushing me away from her every time we try to rekindle our relationship with one another? If she doesn't want this damn relationship to work then fine by me. I love her with all of my heart, but these children are my number one priority. Not a relationship.

I pull myself and Phoebe off the couch. I'll have Gail watch her on the bus while I talk to Ana. I better get it over with now before the show starts. Fuck, it starts in an hour.

I walk to the back yard and see Gail just sitting in a lawn chair away from the excitement. At least she doesn't like the gossip. Gail notices me waving her over and when she sees Phoebe sleeping she smiles. She texts Taylor, who's is to us in seconds.

I tell her that I'll be there to get her in forty-five minutes. She just wishes me luck. It causes me to groan. What did she mean by That?

I walk over to the group over girls and see them looking pissed. I see that Gracie isn't here anymore, so that means that there language must have been inappropriate. I must be on the topic. I see grandma talking to grandpa and dad. Dad looks annoyed again causing me to smile. The smile vanishes as soon as the girls start talking again.

"Hey, I need to talk to you broads for a minute." I snap. "Every one of you." Ana looks at me shocked. Everyone does, probably because my ass isn't the one in control as I use to be anymore. They think I'm a pussy because of my daddy ways and of the beatings I've taken. No. Not any more.

"Christian, what the fuck?" Ana says, getting pissed. I give her a sharp glare causing her to quiet down.

"You have no reason to talk to any of us like that you asshole!" Kate growls. I bite the tip of my tongue.

"I want all of you to shut the fuck up." I hiss. "You just scared a small four year old thinking her mommy and daddy are already leaving her. She overheard every bit of the conversation that was fucking said."

I hear the door to the back open and the guys voices start echoing through the backyard. Teddy's voice also does. When I turn around to ask one of the guys to take him inside I already see my grandmother doing it for me. Thank goodness. I didn't want him to witness this.

"I had to rock one of my baby girls in my arms because of how upset she was. Do you have any idea how heartbreaking that is? How goddamn pissed off I am?!" I shout. I feel someone put their hand on my shoulder but I shake it off. I don't need any damn comfort right now.

"What the hell happened?" Luke asks.

"We saw-" Hannah starts. I get up in her face and fucking growl. The guys pull me away from her as she glares at me.

"You want to know what you fucking saw?" I ask? They all glare at me, but Ana just stands there looking scared. Pathetic. She still doesn't trust me. "It was our old family home! Those women fixed it, dammit, and they had something of mine there."

"Why were you there so long then?" Mia asks.

"I was doing something for my brothers and the home concert. The girl Abby offered it for me." Hannah rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure she did." she says sarcastically.

Again, the guys have to pull me back. I don't have to listen to this bullshit. Fuck, I don't even have to explain myself to these girls. Not even to Ana, because if she loves me she should trust me enough. I throw my hands up and turn away.

"How about we go back to being enemies." those women can ruin a lot, can't they? "Fuck you. And unless you can trust me Ana, the same goes for you as well."

…

I send a quick text to Taylor, telling him everything. He didn't seem surprised considering what's been going on in our life. Shit, he's fucking right. Life has been hectic as hell lately. Getting my memory back, kids, telling Ana about my past, constant fighting, then pushing me the hell out completely.

I'm on my way to where the concert is being held. Hell, we're playing in the next twenty minutes and I already see that the audience is getting packed. Shit man, I didn't expect it to be like this, not even in a small town like this. The crowd isn't big, but it's big for a small town like Montesoto. Hopefully they keep the shit appropriate.

I hear someone running behind me and when I turn around I see the guys. They look winded when they catch me and make me stop. After a few deep breaths, well a lot, they start talking all at once. My mind starts twirling in all different directions. Shit.

"One time guys. Can't understand you." I mutter.

"What the fuck happened back there?" El asks.

"They terrified Phoebe and I had to hold her until she calmed down." I explain. "They told Ana I cheated on her." they gape at me causing me to nod.

"My girl is starting to piss me off." Ethan whispers. I shake my head.

"It's not Mia. She stays quiet. It's the rest." all the other guys groan. "I know. So I'm just going back to the old ways. Being enemies with them."

"Are you serious?" Luke asks. I nod.

"I'll be around your girls, but doesn't mean I have to like them." I shrug. "As for Ana and I.." the guys stare at me then sigh in annoyance.

"Are you fucking serious?" El asks. I nod.

"She should have believed me and not them. She needs to trust me." I look at them. "You fuckers would do the same so shut the fuck up." after a moment of silence, Ethan speaks for them.

"He's right." he says, causing us to chuckle.

We all walk to the back of the stage to make sure no one sees us. People are casually making their way around the area to get things prepared for the concert, but by the looks of it, everything seems to be in order.

When I walk up the stairs I see Abby pushing a guy across the stairwell and telling him to get his arse moving. I grin. She notices me and runs over to my side calling for Becca.

"Shit's fun Grey!" I look at her and see that her cheeks are red with excitement. "You're early?" I shrug.

"Came to check on things." I see Becca run over and she gives Abby a kiss on the lips before shoving a clipboard in her face.

"It's done!" she squeals, she then spots me. "Hey loser, miss us that you just couldn't wait?" I roll my eyes.

"Yep, couldn't wait for you idiots." I grin at her smile. "You need any help?"

"Nah, we got everything done. Go ahead and get your four pretty asses ready in the changing rooms." Becca says. "We will have someone give you a five minute warning before they come get you."

I nod before grabbing the guys as they stare at the girls. I'm pretty sure they finally realized that these were the girls that their girls were talking about me cheating on Ana with. Shit, Elliot is going to say some pretty sick shit when we reach those rooms. I'm fucking sure of it.

When we walk in the dressing room, well the guys more like shove me, they still stare me down. It takes awhile to break the silence until someone randomly says the word fuck. It causes laughter to fill the room. I guess we needed that to be rid of the tension from the girls and Ana anyways.

"Please don't tell me those were the girls." El asks. I nod. "Damn, and lesbians? It's just keeps getting better."

"You're a fucking pervert." I say shaking my head. He shrugs.

"I was born one man. Oh shit." we look at him. "They're here and the girls absolutely fucking hate them already. What are you going to do?" I look at him shocked.

"What do you mean?" I ask. "Those girls are my friends. I ain't doing shit. Well…" an idea pops in my mind.

"Chris, what are you up to?" Ethan asks, grinning. I shrug casually.

"Nothing."

As we were getting ready I had texted Abby. I explained to her what was going on and the plan that I wanted to do. She was annoyed with what I was doing and tells me that I should give Ana another chance. Becca was all for it because she says Abby is like this all the damn time. So, in the end Becca and I won. Which is hilarious because Abby kept saying she let us win.

The two can't let the girls know that they're gay until later on. I even told them how the girls thought I was cheating on Ana with them and we all started laughing.

I have a feeling only being near these girls will piss them off. Told my guys not to say anything and they just giggled like school girls. I fucking swear that sometimes we need to grow up, but I like acting this immature. It keeps the gray away, right?

We hear a knock on the door, and in walks the guy Abby was ordering around earlier.

"You guys ready?" we nod and take the last remaining sips of our beers.

"Ready man." Luke says. "Let's do this shit!"

"Oh shut up." I grin. He pouts, but I push him to the side.

We all walk out of the room and begin to head towards the stage. I see Abby and Becca with mics in hand. They start putting one on each of our shirts before pushing us out on stage. Before I follow the guys, Abby hands me a guitar. She points to the imaginary projector above me and the other two on each sides of the stage and winks. I grin.

"Good luck." she wishes, before she starts saying shit into her ear mic.

I run onto stage, and the guys all look surprised to see me holding my guitar as well. Well that's all part of the surprise. When I run my fingers over the strings the guys start laughing, but start playing along. Whistling is coming through the crowd as we play and people begin to clap at the beat of Elliots rhythm.

 _Looking like another Bob Marley day  
Hitting from the bong like a diesel train  
And I'm down with hanging out this afternoon_

As the words escape my lips, I grin. On the screen to the side I see the pictures showing up. It's even almost hard for my fingers to keep up because I want to fucking laugh. I want to laugh because I'm happy. Thank you Abby and Becca.

 _We got weeds in the backyard 4 feet tall  
Cheech and Chong would probably have smoked them all  
So, I'm out on the couch this afternoon_

Beer bottles laying on the kitchen floor  
If we take them all back we can buy some more  
So I doubt we'll go without this afternoon

One of the pictures of the slide show pop ups, causing me to chuckle during the song. The crowd is actually laughing along while applauding happily. The picture is of Luke and Elliot hiding behind a bush from mom when they were in trouble for taking her bath salts for a science experiment. Hilarious shit. You can see the salts on the bushes.

 _Better hang on if you're tagging along  
Cos we'll be doing this till 6 in the morning  
Nothing wrong with going all night long  
Time to put the brakes on doesn't matter when you got to_

Get up, go out  
Me and all my friends  
Drink up, fall down  
We'll do it all again  
Just sitting around, hanging out this afternoon

The landlord says I should buy a tent  
But he can kiss my ass cos I paid my rent  
So I doubt, he'll kick me out this afternoon

Oohs fill the area when it lands on the picture of me and Ethan. It's the one where we're at his last winning game. He's holding the trophy as the players all surround him, but I'm the one to pick up his heavy ass. Everyone starts suddenly cheering loudly for this one. I look over and grin at him. He's blushing. So his ass blushes at this?

 _Down on the corner in a seedy bar  
Jukebox cranking out the CCR  
Had a few, to Suzie Q this afternoon_

Better hang on if you're tagging along  
Cos we'll be doing this till 6 in the morning  
Nothing wrong with going all night long  
Time to put the brakes on doesn't matter when you got to

Get up, go out  
Me and all my friends  
Drink up, fall down  
We'll do it all again  
Get up, go out  
Me and all my friends  
Drink up, fall down  
We'll do it all again  
Just sitting around, hanging out this afternoon

Wear a wristwatch, and alarm clock to see what time it ends  
From the moment I wake up, I just love being with my friends  
We barely get by, but have the best times and hope it never ends  
We drink all day until we fall down, so we can do it all again

Screams fill the whole place and when I look over I see it's the picture that mom had taken that first day. It was the first time we ever thought about forming the band. When I found the picture in the album I asked mom for a copy she just told me to take care of this one she had. It made my heart swell that she trusted me that much.

It's not the human walk, it's the human race  
If we were living on the edge taking too much space  
So I doubt I'll figure out just what to do  
'bout to kick it around hanging out this afternoon

Better hang on if you're tagging along  
Cos we'll be doing this till 6 in the morning  
Nothing wrong with going all night long  
Time to put the brakes on doesn't matter when you got to

Get up, go out  
Me and all my friends  
Drink up, fall down  
We'll do it all again  
Get up, go out  
Me and all my friends  
Drink up, fall down  
We'll do it all again

Just sitting around, hanging out this afternoon

In the last picture of this song is of us at the edge of the pool. Ethan and Luke are against the edge of the pool while I'm shoving Elliot in. Funny shit. Most of these photos are. They're great memories.

Everyone is laughing as we finish the song. When I turn back, I see all the guys looking back at me in shock.

"That's what I was doing with those two." I admit, pulling off the guitar and handing it to the man walking my way. "I wanted to surprise all of you. The girls thought of it though."

"That was embarrassing as hell." El grins. "Where did you get the pictures?"

"Oh, just wait." I murmur. The guys groan. "Let's keep it up. Next is savin me."

I let Luke start us off as Ethan's face show up on the screen. It's the look of determination. That was the day he decided to quit football. The day he was going to tell his parents everything. The day his father almost killed him for the choice. That's why I picked the next slide for a reason.

 _Prison gates won't open up for me  
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'  
Oh, I reach for you  
Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
These iron bars can't hold my soul in_

All I need is you (come please I'm callin')  
And oh I scream for you (hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin')

Ethan's face shows up again. Mom and dad are right beside him as he's in the hospital bed. He's broken from his own father, but my parents brought him in after that and actually cared for him. Loved him as if he was an actual Grey. The guys and I stayed by his side the whole time as he recovered.

 _Show me what it's like (to be the last one standing)  
And teach me wrong from right (and I'll show you what I can be)  
And say it for me, say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me_

Heaven's gates won't open up for me  
With these broken wings I'm fallin'  
And all I see is you  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story

The next picture is of Luke. He's sitting by himself at the dock. That was the day his family kicked him out for wanting to join the band. He said he would keep his grades up but they wouldn't hear of it. He had to go by the household in a specific way and if he didn't, he was out. He finally gave up. The emotional abuse had gotten to him. That day he just wanted to be left alone.

 _And oh I scream for you (come please I'm callin')  
And all I need from you (hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin')_

 _Show me what it's like (to be the last one standing)  
And teach me wrong from right (and I'll show you what I can be)  
And say it for me, say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me  
Hurry I'm fallin'_

Then there's me. A picture of me comes into view and I was almost hesitant to add it, but then I did put the others up into view so I said fuck that's not fair. It's a picture of me when I was fourteen. I threw a tantrum and destroyed our shed, leaning against it and just cried. Grace gave me this picture to show me the bravery that I went through each time. I told her what bravery? I destroyed her shed. She just laughed saying that I made it to her and dad. Didn't I? I broke down in her arms as she said that. No

 _And all I need is you (come please I'm callin')  
And oh I scream for you (hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin')_

Show me what it's like (to be the last one standing)  
And teach me wrong from right (and I'll show you what I can be)  
And say it for me, say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me  
(Hurry I'm fallin')  
And say it for me, say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Then a picture of Elliot smiling and pointing his hands out like guns. The guys chuckle. The words, _The glue of the group. You're welcome Elliot._ Elliot laughs loudly as do the audience. Fucking stupid. Really Abby?

"Ready for the next one before break?" I ask. They nod. "We're doing the new song guys." they all jump around excitedly causing me to roll my eyes.

 _Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh  
How did our eyes get so red  
And what the hell is on El's head_

As those words spill out of my mouth, the screen lights back up. The picture is still the same even though I saw it less than three hours ago. Grace trying to look annoyed but happy as ever with our dumb asses. Our eyes red with I don't know. Hopefully it's something legal. El looking like a fucking idiot.

 _And this is where I grew up  
I think the present owner fixed it up  
I never knew we'd ever went without  
The second floor is hard for sneaking out_

The next picture is of mom's little short figure grabbing onto Luke's ear as he tries to sneak back into the house from a party he went to. She's smiling at the camera and giving it a thumbs while Luke is trying not to cry. I'm doing my best not to laugh again. Fuck I miss my mom.

 _And this is where I went to school  
Most of the time had better things to do  
Criminal record says I broke in twice  
I must have done it half a dozen times_

 _I wonder if it's too late  
Should I go back and try to graduate  
Life's better now than it was back then  
If I was them I wouldn't let me in_

I shake my head as the photo of my parents, teachers, the cops, and I pop up. Everyone starts laughing. Yep, everyone remembers that moment. That's after they found my ass after those seven hours and I had to wear damp and ripped clothes to school. Not to mention prisoner's pants. Assholes. I smelt like shit that day.

Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I  
Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor

 _It's hard to say it, time to say it_

 _Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for_

 _It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

 _Remember the old arcade  
Blew every dollar that we ever made  
The cops hated us hangin' out  
They say somebody went and burned it down_

 _We used to listen to the radio  
And sing along with every song we know  
We said someday we'd find out how it feels  
To sing to more than just the steering wheel_

A picture of the guys and I on the back of a truck is now on the screen. We are pointing at the camera and smiling as well as pointing at Ethan. He's playing his guitar, and it was one of the songs that I made. He wanted to try it out and thought it was badass. We all were shouting at dad telling him how Ethan's playing was.

 _Kim's the first girl I kissed  
I was so nervous that I nearly missed  
She's had a couple of kids since then  
I haven't seen her since god knows when_

Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I  
Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye

A picture of mom and dad show up. She is smiling at the camera while pinching dad's cheeks. I look down at the crowd and I'm able to find dad quickly. He's in the second row and I already see tears in his eyes. I hold back a sigh. Mom was trying to make him laugh that day after he had lost a major case. She had succeeded in making him laugh and he completely forgot about the case.

 _Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

 _I miss that town  
I miss the faces  
You can't erase  
You can't replace it  
I miss it now  
I can't believe it  
So hard to stay  
Too hard to leave it  
If I could I relive those days  
I know the one thing that would never change_

Abby made a giant collage of all the people who were included in the photos I had. Since we couldn't keep it that slow or slow she just made it one big picture. It's pretty amazing when I look at it. When everyone gets look at it they cheer louder causing me to roll my eyes grinning.

 _Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye_

 _Look at this photograph every time it makes me laugh_

 _Every time I do it makes me_

The photo of all of us and mom show back up. The same twinkle in her eye.


	43. Chapter 43

**Christian**

We all come walking off stage as the crowd cheers. I really hope the guys aren't upset with me or anything. Especially Ethan or Luke. I don't want them pissed off at me for showing those pictures.

What I didn't expect was them to be emotionally happy about it though. I'm surprised when all the guys pull me into a hug. Ethan has tears on his face when he pulls back, and quickly dashes them away trying to be brave about it. I tell him to stop and not worry about it.

"Man, I completely forgot about that day." I watch Abby walk over to him, bringing a box of tissues. Becca brings us all bottles of water. We gladly take them and thank her. "Thanks Christian. I can't believe you did this."

"Don't forget that I had some help." I point at the girls. The guys hug the girls which shocks them, but they give in.

"Guys, don't suck the lesbian out of us." that gets a laugh out of all of us. Elliot grins at Becca.

"Shit, it's like a babe version of me." oh no, Kate won't like to hear this. Him getting close to another female.

I hear running and when I turn around I see Phoebe, Gracie and Teddy walking over with the girls. They have big smiles on their faces which causes me to grin. I walk over to them and scoop up both of my girls, and nod for Teddy to follow me. He is bouncing in his shoes as he skips behind me. I guess the excitement is getting to him and he's loving every bit of it.

As I get to the guys and girls I take a seat on the couch. Phoebe and Gracie sit on my knee while Teddy looks at Abby and Becca. Becca smirks at him while Abby is looking a little uncomfortable. I'm trying not to laugh.

"Hey kid, did you like your uncles and daddy did?" Becca asks. Teddy grins.

"Yeah, I did." he says. "What do you guys do back here?"

Becca and Abby smile at one another. Abby gets up and grabs Teddy's hand taking him with her. I watch them go down the stairs with all the equipment and where they set everything up. Teddy looks so excited. Becca chuckles but then looks at Phoebe and Gracie.

"You girls want to go to the dressing room and try some clothes on. It will be goofy because it's big, but hey! I never wear clothes that fit me." she says like it's not big deal. I look at her and see that she's wearing a shirt that's a size bigger.

Phoebe gets up and walks over to her. Becca comes and picks Gracie up and the three of them walk down the hall to the dressing rooms. I sit back and relax as I wait for I hear the shit to start with the women nearby. Before it can though, I see dad and my grandparents walking up.

My grandmother comes walking up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. She has a big smile on her face and her eyes are swollen from crying. She looks so happy.

"Oh hell, it's still hard seeing pictures of her after all this time. I'm sorry baby." she whispers.

"It's going to be hard, then, on the next song. Because it's all about her." I give her a sad smile. She groans.

"Well shit." that causes me to laugh.

"I love you." she grins.

"I love you too sweetheart. Now get ready to kill me." I nod. As she turns away dad walks up to me and I already start to pull him in my arms. He begins to shake.

"So the next slide is worse?" I nod. "How bad?"

"Seven times." he shakes his head causing me to bury my face in his head. "I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry."

"No, do you know how happy I was when I saw that picture of me and your mom?" he asks. "It was so painful Christian, but I've been trying to forget her that I haven't even looked at our albums. I need to. You reminded me to."

When we pull away I see that even though he's been crying, a smile is formed across his face. I grin. I tell my dad and grandparents to go sit down while the guys get ready for the next part. They give us all a kiss before walking out.

When I see Teddy with Abby, he has a big grin on his face. He runs over to me and starts jumping up and down saying random stuff about wiring and cables and some other shit I don't know. I look up at Abby and frown. She grins. I pick Teddy and ask him to calm down. He takes a calm breath before speaking again. Shit, he's hyper.

"You did so good." he says quietly, grabbing my face and squeezing my cheeks. I laugh. He's never acted like this before, because he's usually the mature one.

"You okay buddy?" I ask. He lays his against my shoulder. He wraps his arms around my neck.

"I'm going to tell you something, but you have to forget I said it, okay?" I look over at the guys and Abby who are looking at me in confusion.

"Maybe, because I have pretty good memory." he whines, but finally relents.

"I'm sick of calling you Grey." he whispers. I frown not understanding what he means. After a moment a light bulb finally goes off in my head. He actually, oh my God!

"You actually-" he puts a hand over my mouth as he lays his head against the crook of my neck. I roll my eyes and move his hand. Before I can say anything else they call show time. Shit.

I feel Teddy grin. I pull him away a glare at him playfully. He lifts his hands up grinning. I sigh loudly and put him on the chair where he can watch us. Abby will be able to watch him. Right before I'm able to go out I see the girls run out of the room. They're covered in makeup and draped in clothing. I hold back my laughter and just tell the girls they're beautiful. Abby lets it go though.

She says what the hell is on their faces and that they need to go clean up right now. At least I didn't need to be the one to do it. Thank you Abby. That got a smirk from Teddy. I pushed him childishly. He needs to stay out of it.

Soon we are running back on stage for our last few songs. This is going to be a hard one to play for us all. Even for me. I wanted to remember Grace some way through this and Abby gave me a way. We had gotten all of the pictures of her together for each song I written about her and put them onto a slide. Let's just say it's going to be an emotional one.

"Okay man, what's the song now?" Ethan asks.

I just begin to whistle causing the guys to whisper the words 'oh no'. Luke and Ethan quickly fall in behind me and start singing. Elliot starts the beat. They know exactly what's going to happen.

 _I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do_

Grace's picture shows up on the screen and she has the biggest smile on her face as tears slide down her cheeks. Dad is down on one knee proposing to her all over again on their 22nd wedding anniversary. To say she was happy was an understatement. It was like she was in heaven she said to us.

 _I just woke up from a dream today  
Time gone by but you still look the same  
Felt so real to have you back with me  
It's just too bad it's just another dream  
Give me just one wish..._

If I could give it all away  
I'd do it just for one more day  
I thought I had the time to wait  
Now it's too late to tell you  
That I

The next picture that that appears is of her at the kitchen table. She's trying to hide her face as we shove the camera in her face to get a picture. It was her 50th birthday and she felt so old and embarrassed. We changed her mind though. The guys and I are making her laugh in the picture as she throws cake at us. As long as she was happy we didn't care.

 _I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (I miss you so much)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (God knows I do)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (I miss you so much)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you  
so so I do_

After dark, laughin' in the rain  
Silver heart locket on a chain  
Well pictures fade and silver turns to grey  
But the best of thieves couldn't take my love away  
Give me just one wish...

The next picture is of Grace and all of the guys, me, and dad. We were getting every moment we could before something could happen even though we always tried to push the thoughts away every day at the time.

We are sitting on the porch, all hugging mom after she found out the bad news of the cancer. The couldn't stop crying, none of us could, but after awhile we managed to get ourselves under control. We had one of our friends take the pictures for us as we kept telling mom everything would be okay. I guess I was wrong. We all were wrong, but that didn't stop us from trying to keep her happy.

 _If I could give it all away  
I'd do it just for one more day  
Trade it in for one more moment  
Tell you what I never told ya  
All the things I left unsaid  
I meant to say before you left  
I thought I had the time to wait  
Now it's too late to tell you_

I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (I miss you so much)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (God knows I do)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (I miss you so much)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you  
so so I do

The next picture that appears is of mom laughing. It's then I realize the picture is of Luke's half naked ass running through the yard. I was able to get the shot while the guys are chasing him down. Mom and dad are laughing their asses off in the photo.

 _If there was some way, you know I would  
I'd do it today, I wish I could  
I call out your name, it does no good  
I wish I knew what would_

I... I miss you so much  
God knows I do  
I wish my wish was enough  
Give me just one wish.

If I could give it all away  
I'd do it just for one more day  
Trade it in for one more moment  
Tell you what I never told ya  
All the things I left unsaid  
I meant to say before you left  
I thought I had the time to wait  
Now it's too late to tell you

 _I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (I miss you so much)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (God knows I do)  
I miss you So, so, I do  
I miss you So, so, I do (I miss you so much)  
I miss you So, so, I do_

As we finish the last line a picture of a tired but grinning mom pops up. The photo is when the cancer finally spreaded and we couldn't do anything for her anymore. Her eyes are still light and she still had looked at all of us with love in her eyes. She still never gave up until the very end. She didn't want to. My mom was a fighter.

When the song ends I see an emotional crowd. Tears fill many fans eyes and the people we knows eyes. They scream in applause and cheers. I begin the next song, not even looking at the guys. Let's get this going. I've been missing.

…

As we run off stage I stretch. Shit, that was so much more fun than I expected. After the slide show we just started playing our older songs. The crowd started going crazy making my smile hurt. It's been forever since I've played my music in front of a crowd like this.

I walk over to Abby and Becca. They're talking to one another about something. They look uncomfortable. I frown and walk over to them. When I walk up to them they jump. Shit, what did I do?

"What's wrong with you two?" Becca rolls her eyes.

"Those sluts went off on us and took the kids from." she says irritated. "Told that hot blonde bitch to suck my dick. Should have seen the look on her face." she smirks. I laugh.

"You're fucking stupid." I say shaking my head. She shrugs.

"I know. Sue me."

I look over and see the girls looking at us. Ana isn't anywhere to be seen, but Gracie, Phoebe, and Teddy are with the three bitches of the West as they talk to the guys. The guys are looking at me with small smiles on their faces. I roll my eyes. The kids notice me and come running over. I take notice that the girls try to grab them. My guys grab their women's arms and lower their mouths to their ears. I don't know what they said but I'm guessing it got the point across.

Mia whispers something to Ethan causing him to smile. The two walk away from the rest of the group. I don't know why, but I've always loved that girl, as if she was my own sister. The other two, Hannah and Kate, are just complete incompetent bitches. Selfish. At least Mia thinks of Ethan before herself.

I pick the girls up as they run into my arms and nod for Teddy to follow me. He seems to have calmed down a bit since after the break. At least that's kind of good. I think.

"How was the concert?" I ask them. They all smile.

"It was really good!" Phoebe squeals. I chuckle kissing her cheek.

"It was. You did really great on the guitar." he looks both ways. "Don't tell uncle Luke and uncle Ethan, but you were better than them." he whispers.

I grin when I see the guys standing behind him with a smile on their faces. I don't know why they're smiling though. It might be because he is trying to hide the fact that he's calling me better, or he just called them uncle and not by their last names.

Luke taps on Teddy's shoulder, causing him to turn around quickly. Teddy almost jumps a foot off the ground when he sees them causing us to laugh. A blush rose color rises into his cheeks. Luke just pats him on the head and comes to sit down next to me and the girls, pulling Gracie onto his lap.

"Don't worry kid, we know he's better than us. You don't have to hide that from us." Luke grins. I watch Teddy visibly relax. "You can keep calling us uncle though. I'm tired of being called Sawyer." Luke says annoyed.

"Did I hear uncle?!" El says running over. "I'm an uncle! Call me uncle!" we all laugh as he picks up Teddy and practically begs him.

"What's wrong with you?" Teddy asks. I chuckle.

"He just wants someone to call him uncle Ted." I watch El pout as I make him put Teddy down.

"Fine, okay." he says. "Wait though." we all frown.

"Why?" Elliot practically whines. Teddy looks a bit uncomfortable. I bump shoulders with him and when he looks at me he let's out a small sigh.

"I don't want to start calling you guys uncle when you just performed, or you dad." he looks at me. "I don't want you to think that I'm saying it only because you're getting noticed again." he says awkwardly.

The guys and I look at each other in shock. Teddy has really thought this through. I never really wrapped my mind around that but when I think about it, it makes sense. No wonder Teddies worried. I'm glad he mentioned it at the beginning so that nobody would accuse him later on.

I get eye level with him and smile. He frowns. I want this boy to know that him and sister aren't going to be alone anymore. That they won't have to suffer like I did. They have someone.

"You two have a family Teddy." I tell him, and wrap my arm around Phoebe. "You can call them uncle and call me dad. Okay? Don't be afraid." he smiles, finally nodding.

"Whatever you say Gre-, dad." I grin and kiss his head.

"This is awesome!" Elliot exclaims. "I'm an uncle again!" laughter fills the area.

Ethan and Mia come walking back into view. Mia looks back at Ethan, looking a bit concerned. He just gives her a small smile and nods at her as she walks toward the girls. Oh boy. More damn drama that none of us don't fucking need. Luckily his ass ditches the drama and runs our way.

When he walks towards us he looks calm so I know it has nothing to do with their relationship. I saw how Mia was composed, so I know they didn't have sex. My ass shouldn't be thinking into this, but I want to know why she was upset. It probably has to do with the girls and me.

Ethan takes in Elliot and Luke's grins and frowns. He keeps looking between them then looks at me for an explanation. I shrug.

"The kids are finally calling me dad and you guys uncle." his eyes widen. He grins.

"I'm finally being called uncle!" I chuckle, shaking my head. These guys have all been pushing for Gracie to say Uncle but she still hasn't said it. I've never seen them this happy before. Good, I love that my brothers are happy.

"Okay you three, I think we've had enough excitement for one day. It's time to go home and get you all settled in for the night." I brush my fingers through Gracie's curls. She yawns. Yeah, she needs to get a bath and get in bed.

I hold onto Gracie and Phoebe as we wait for the crowd to finish dispersing. Teddy is talking to Abby and Becca about god knows what, but when I look over I see that it's pissing Kate and Hannah off. I hold back a laugh.

Gracie takes her stubby fingers and curls them in my now, growing hair. It's managed to grow back quicker than I thought even after all those surgeries. She keeps her grip on my hair as if it's her blankie, burying her face in my neck. I lay my head on hers and rock both her and Phoebe in my arms, singing a lullaby.

After a minute of humming and singing, a light snoring starts coming from the tiniest of the two. Her grip doesn't loosen on my hair though. It's as if I'm her life raft.

Well don't worry baby. Daddy will always be here to save you. All of you.


	44. Chapter 44

**Christian**

We are staying the night in Montesoto. We are going to let the kids spend a little more time with their grandparents before we head out tomorrow. Also, I just don't feel like being on the road all night and I know they wouldn't want that either.

After putting the three little terrors to bed in the guestrooms, I make my way back downstairs. I'm so damn exhausted but I guess all of this pent up energy from the concert has me wanting to do cartwheels. I need to go for a damn run or something.

I hear the guys laughing when I reach the bottom. Really hope their broads aren't with them. I'm finally in a good fucking mood. Don't want them to ruin it. As I walk into the living room the guys are just talking to one another, no women. Thank hell.

"Hey man." El says. "Kids asleep?"

"Yeah, I guess the excitement got to them." i walk over and take a spot on the couch. "Where are your girls?"

"Mia's taking a bath." Ethan smiles. "She told me to hang out with you guys, that she's going to be calling it a night."

"When are you guys going to set a date for the wedding?" Luke asks. "I'm pretty sure it's time. Christian's memories are back and he is fine so that's not an excuse. So when's the date?" Ethan sighs, leaning back.

"I've asked her about it two weeks ago." he admits. "If I could, I'd go to Vegas right now and get us married. Hell, even she told me she didn't care if we went to Vegas and Wed."

"Then why don't you?" Luke asks.

"It's those girls." he says quietly. "All of them. It's like when one's sad, the other is as well. So freaking irritating. It's like all of their hormones are set the same!" he says loudly.

"What's this have to do with setting a date?" I ask. He groans.

"Mia puts others before herself guys. Instead of going away and getting married, she thinks that staying here and listening to Kate and Hannah bitch is better. No offense guys." I look over and see Luke and El shrug.

"None taken man. Kate is about to push it, though." El sighs. We all are quiet for a moment.

My feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out and see it's a text from Abby.

 _Are the kids asleep?_

 _-Abby_

 _Yeah. Why?_

 _-Christian_

 _You and the guys come hang out with us at the bar. It's mostly empty so no fans will attack you._

 _-Abby_

I chuckle. Maybe I should get out tonight. Usually everything is drama or hysterics. Tonight, though, I can just go to the town's bar and spend some time with my brothers my new friends, drink a few beers and be left alone for awhile. I can ask my grandmother if she can keep an eye on the kids for a little while.

I show Elliot the message. "Yes, please!" he groans. "If you don't mind, I need to get a little drunk. Send her a text back and let her know that we'll be there soon."

After sending a quick text to Abby, I tell Maggie that we'll be out for a little while. She tells me it will be fine and to have fun. After hugging her I head back to the guys.

We all pull on our coats and head over to _Larry's_.

….

I sink a stripped eight into the left pocket. Becca curses, knocking back a shot. I laugh. Bitch shouldn't have challenged me at pool. This game is pure instinct to me. She's lucky that money wasn't involved. Because all bets would have been off.

The guys and Abby are getting a kick out of watching the two of us. Becca keeps snapping at me every time I make the shot, and I curse when she blocks my path. Bitch. I'll have to admit, she's really good as well. In the end, though, I'm the winner of course.

"Asshole!" she huffs, hopping onto the pool table and sitting down. I shrug.

"El told you that I was good." I smirk. She glares at me.

"Blah blah blah. That's all I heard." she mutters, causing me to chuckle. Before we continue to snap at each other, Abby butts in.

"Where are the girls at?"

"Having a girls night." Ethan says. "Mia turned in early."

"So, have you figured out what you are going to do Christian?" Abby asks. I lift an eyebrow. What the fuck does that mean?

"What do you mean by that?"

"To fix things with Ana you doofus!" she snaps. I narrow my eyes at her.

"Fix things with her? I've been trying to fix things for weeks! Oh my goodness, she always thinks I'm cheating on her and why? Because of that goddamn tumor or because of those girls?" I throw my hands up. "I'm the one who feels like I don't deserve her, like she should be with someone better than me. Why should I always be the one to forgive her?"

Everyone looks at me as I run my thumb over the soft material of the pool table. Why. Why must I always be the one to apologize? I even apologized for having the tumor and that wasn't even my damn fault. It's like every time she thinks I cheat on her my heart breaks, shatters, cracks. How could she think I could ever do that to her?

Why must everyone say that I have to fix things? Do they know that each time I fix something that it takes a piece of my soul away? The damage was always so great that I would always have to practically rip parts of my soul away and toss it into an imaginary bin and just walk away. Never looking back. That's the leader's job, right? To protect and guard its pack no matter how destroyed and broken it leaves him in the wake.

I look up and see them watching me. Sighing, I climb onto the pool table and sit by Becca. My head is pounding and I have to close my eyes to think.

"Why does it always have to be me to fix things?" I ask mostly myself. "Fixing the situation either put me in the hospital or kept me there. Ruined my relationships or stunted them. I'm emotionally exhausted."

"Christian, it's you because you're the strongest of the group. You're the strongest of you and Ana. Even mom always said that." Elliot says. My throat constricts at the mention of mom's name and his words.

"Why can't I have this one chance to be the situation?" I ask them. They look confused. "Don't you guys think that I want to be fixed every once in awhile? Hell, I'm like one of those damn trucks that keeps breaking down on the side of the road. I'm just begging to be fixed."

"To be honest, we never really thought about that Christian." Ethan says. "You know how all of us work. You know what all of us went through. We've been through something traumatic together and you're the one who took the biggest hit out of all of us and came out bigger. It's hard for someone like you to be the situation. I guess the only time you were the situation was when Leila shot you and when you went missing but then again you still were in control there."

"Can't believe your ass was getting drunk at a fucking strip joint with those guys." El shakes his head. Sadly I don't know what they're talking about. "I wanted to punch the hell out of you after what you said about mom. Then your ass was getting drunk. Like damn, you were just a few months out of rehab, I was about to go ballistic." I frown.

"What did I say about mom?" they all look at me for a moment.

"You-" he stops himself then gives me a soft smile. "You kept your memories from before mom had died, so when we found you and I mentioned her funeral all you did was laugh." I shake my head in disgust. What the hell was wrong with me? "You thought I was just telling you a sick joke though. You didn't remember mom ever dying."

"That's fucked up." I say quietly. He nods. Having to go through the pain and grief of losing mom would be devastating. I wouldn't be able to handle it again.

Abby claps her hands, getting our attention. By the look on her face I guess she's trying to pull us away from the conversation. Smart choice.

"Let's not talk about that anymore guys." she says. "Anyways, Christian is right. All of you need to be the ones to fix him now and Ana needs to as well."

"She needs to stop being a little bitch and come kiss and make up." Becca mutters taking a sip of her beer. I laugh.

"Becca!" Abby snaps. She just shrugs.

"I'm just saying. Insecurities are such a turn-off." she sighs dramatically. Abby clocks her hip out and glares at her.

"Are you trying to say something?" Becca just grins. "Oh fuck off. I'm not insecure." she scoffs.

The guys and I watch the couple fight as we drink. I have to stick to my one, don't want a relapse. The guys are having fun though, so at least I can be the driver.

I take a swig of my beer and think about the last few months, then the year when Leila shot me and almost killed Taylor. Drama. That's all our life has been these past two years is drama. Chaos. Kate, Hannah and me were actually close so I honestly don't know what the fuck happened to push them away. I don't care though. I've been trying my best to keep my kids protected, and I'm not letting them get hurt.

I love Ana, I really do, but if she loves me she'll have to fight for me this time. I'm tired of always being in the doghouse.


	45. Chapter 45

**Christian**

The guys are swaying and cursing as we walk through the house. I'm having to hold back a laugh the whole time. Why did these guys have to drink so much. I get things are bad right now, but drinking their problems away won't help them. Trust me, I should know.

I help each one of them to the guestrooms and make sure they don't bust their asses. Luke keeps giggling with Elliot about how annoying the girls have been. I really hope the girls don't come out and hear them talking.

"Guys, get in bed now. You're all going to feel like ass tomorrow." they all whine but listen to me. If they don't feel well in the morning, they can sleep on the bus.

After making sure the guys have gone to their rooms, I walk to the living room. I'm too awake to go to sleep. Maybe I should go for a run. No, I better stay here in case the kids need me.

When I walk into the room I see Ana sitting at the end of the couch, book in hand. I ignore her and sit on the opposite end. Need to keep the peace right now. Don't want this trip to end in disaster.

I grab the remote and scan through the channels on the TV. I wonder what it would be like to be an actor. How can they remember that many lines? I guess it's like my music though. Memorization is key to doing it.

I prop my feet on the coffee table and sink deeper into the couch. I might sleep on this couch. It feels like heaven. Beside me I see Ana get up and start to leave. I sigh inwardly. The guys are right, but I'm not having her treat me like a bad guy. I'm sick of always playing that part.

"Ana, follow me." she looks at me in shock. I ignore the look and walk out back so that we don't wake the others.

I step onto the back patio and walk further outside. Standing in the middle of the backyard, I turn around to watch Ana walking closer. She stops a few feet away from me. I wonder what's going on in that head of hers.

"Do you want to be with me?" I ask her. She nods. "Do you love me?"

"Of course." she whispers. I shake my head.

"Then why do you constantly think that I'm cheating on you? What have I done to make you doubt me?" she doesn't answer. "Is it your girls throwing these accusations at me because Ana, baby, if you rather believe those fucking women than the man you love then you honestly don't know what you want."

"I-" she closes her mouth. I wait for her to answer but I watch tears rub down her cheeks as she tries to talk.

"Ana, why do you listen to them but not me?" I ask again.

"I don't know." she whispers. "I'm just so used to my girls telling me what's wrong and going on around me that I honestly don't know. They told me you went into some woman's home and stayed there for over an hour before coming out. You didn't tell me about your memory, and I just keep thinking that you might be keeping others things from me." I glare at her.

"That's your excuse?" her head drops. "Anastasia, I needed to figure out a way to tell all of you! You have to remember that me remembering all of what happened was a lot to take in. Why do you always fucking run other than actually talk to me?"

"I don't know Christian!" she sobs. "We keep losing time with each other because something bad always happens. I feel that you might just give up and go your own way other than stay. I'm scared that you won't want me because you are getting tired of it all. I just want to prepare myself for the worse. I've already watched you die once, I couldn't stand to know that you are leaving just because you don't care anymore." she covers her face with her hands.

I watch her cry, not knowing what to do. Why would she think that I would want to give up on everyone. Does she think that little of me?

"Why would you think this?" I ask, grabbing her hands. She starts to tremble.

"Because it seems that ever since we've been seeing each other, your life has gone to hell. I don't want to do that to you." I frown.

"You think my life has gone to hell?" she nods sadly. I pull her to me, burying my face in her hair. "My life was going down a bad road before I met you. I lost my mother, and all I would want to do is drink. It was my therapist at the time." I hold her tighter.

"We've hidden our relationship from the people we love in the beginning. I've stripped for you in front of hundred people. I hid in a closet half ass naked so Kate wouldn't see me." she giggles causing me to grin.

"We also had a beautiful baby girl together. A little girl who fought a battle. I was also shot and sent through a building to save Taylor. Let's not forget the tumor. I lost more time with you all. I disappeared and found out that I was my old self again. Someone I never want to be."

"Christian-" I stop her, pulling away from her and stepping back.

"But after all of that dramatic bullshit we had to suffer through, I never gave up on you. Never. Because you are the love of my life. If I wanted to give up, I would have left a long time ago. Stop listening to Hannah and Kate. Listen to the man who would fucking die for you. Where's my Ana who was the leader, the dominate woman who didn't listen to any bullshit?" I ask. "I want the woman who would do anything to be me with me, even if it was against her own rules."

She stands there, wiping her tears away. I watch as she begins to fidget. Is she going to say anything or are we back to despising each other?

"I have changed, haven't I?" I sigh, nodding.

"You have baby. You're not happy anymore." I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're letting everyone run all over you. Where's my Ana?" she walks closer to me and I automatically open my arms for her. She buries her face in my neck.

"I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to change, it's just what's been happening with you. I feel like I'm not in control because I'm not. I feel like I shouldn't be the one to lead." she whispers.

"No, you are the boss of those girls." I kiss the top of her head. "You need to stop moaning and groaning like your life is over and come back to me. The only moaning and groaning I want is when you're underneath me. You're done Ana, this stops. Understood?" she nods.

"I'll show you how it used to be to be _Steele._ Not Ana or Anastasia, but Steele. The woman who enchanted me the first night we were together."

I pull away from her then grab her hand. Before I leave I send a text to all of the guys. I'm going to need a little time to bring my woman back to the world we lead together. Seems like we're staying a little longer tomorrow.


End file.
